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Original poster

To buy a gift even though they've asked for money?

272 replies

lasangoles · 19/09/2020 08:28

Not sure how to feel about this. My friend has asked me not to buy her and her partner a gift for the birth of their first baby. I was just going to get them something little each, a couple of little things that I found really helpful at beginning of my mat leave. They'd only come to about £12 but I don't have much money and am a lone parent to a toddler myself. I would feel a bit shit just presenting them with a tenner! Would you just stick a measly tenner in a card? Or buy the gift anyway?

OP posts:
CamelotSweetheart · 19/09/2020 08:30

You get them a gift if you want to. I think it's really grabby asking for money.
You can make a few small bits look lovely if they're nicely presented.

SantaClaritaDiet · 19/09/2020 08:30

I'd compromise and give them a gift voucher.

BuffaloCauliflower · 19/09/2020 08:31

I’m due in 8 weeks and a bit of a prepper and have literally everything for the baby that’s on the way. It’s extremely unlikely someone could give me something I actually need but don’t already have. If your friend is the same money would definitely be better, but you don’t have to give anything, I’m certainly not expecting any gifts.

unimaginativeusernamehere · 19/09/2020 08:31

I wouldn't buy the gift if they specifically have asked you not to buy I wouldn't give them money either, it's cheeky of them to ask.

Original poster
lasangoles · 19/09/2020 08:31

I just feel like a tenner looks like I don't really care but I really don't have much money.

OP posts:
Newmumatlast · 19/09/2020 08:31

It is incredibly rude to ask for money and, given you do not have much yourself, I would give them no gift and just a card. They asked for no gift after all. And noone in their right mind responds to an indication of a gift with a request for money

SantaClaritaDiet · 19/09/2020 08:32

I think it's really grabby asking for money.
depends, if that's what they ask, or if they actually ask for NO GIFT (as they are inundated with things they don't like and won't use) and for money if you really must give something.

It's not something I would do, but baby gift lists make sense when you see the amount of money completely wasted on baby gifts that parents will never use and are not always able to swap.

thetrees · 19/09/2020 08:33

If they asked for no gifts I would just give them a card.

HollowTalk · 19/09/2020 08:33

If they have everything they need then asking for cash is really grabby.

speakout · 19/09/2020 08:34

I would always buy a gift if asked for money.

It's very rude to ask for money.

Original poster
lasangoles · 19/09/2020 08:35

I was going to buy a couple of cute outifits in a bigger size as she will be inundated with newborn stuff (my friend works in a shop where I get a big discount which is handy so they'd be nice clothes) and some snacky bits for her and hubby.

OP posts:
SantaClaritaDiet · 19/09/2020 08:35

And noone in their right mind responds to an indication of a gift with a request for money

of course some do, not everybody is wealthy and can afford wealth. You can buy all your basics from Primark for nothing, don't need any more baby items but a contribution towards bed/travel system is much more useful for a family who doesn't have much.

It's depressing to chuck brand new unopened baby items just because you haven't got a friend or sibling to pass them on and you don't need them or don't like them.

SantaClaritaDiet · 19/09/2020 08:36

I was going to buy a couple of cute outifits in a bigger size

people who do that tend to get the season completely wrong though. They mean well, but that's usually very unhelpful.

zatarontoast · 19/09/2020 08:36

I would buy a small, classic board book (about £5-6) and be done with it. So grabby of her to ask for money! The books I got as presents lasted for all of my children and hold very special memories.

ALLIS0N · 19/09/2020 08:36

I agree, asking for cash is really grabby.

If they have everything already for the baby then just say “ no gifts”.

Original poster
lasangoles · 19/09/2020 08:37

They are fairly wealthy. They earn upwards of 45k each. Which doesn't make me feel any better on my 19k a year! I just feel like giving them a tenner would suck. I think I might just prep them some food for their freezer as I'm a good cook! Grin

OP posts:
Marnie76 · 19/09/2020 08:37

Did they actually ask for money? You’re not meant to be funding their choice to have a baby. Are you sure they weren’t just trying to stop you from spending any money at all if they know you’ve not got much.
A gift is an expression of your friendship, I would give them a gift you choose. If they don’t like then they’re probably not really worth your friendship.

Marnie76 · 19/09/2020 08:38

Sorry cross posted, the food idea sounds lovely

Original poster
lasangoles · 19/09/2020 08:38

@santaclaritadiet things like baby grows and tshirts can be used all year round. I certainly always used them!

OP posts:
FirstOfficerDouglas · 19/09/2020 08:39

If they have asked for no gifts that is fine. And it could be that whatever you might give would be wasted as it is something they would never use.

Don't give money. Maybe take some flowers or say in the card that as they asked for no gifts and probably have everything you'd be delighted to treat your friend to a coffee and a cake next time you go out to your favourite cafe. (Only you know of that is appropriate for your friend - it would be for mine)

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 19/09/2020 08:40

£10 in a card is fine. If you want to give a gift, perhaps consumables is the way to go rather than clothes. I also like the idea of a board book.

MrsToothyBitch · 19/09/2020 08:40

I think it's cheeky to ask for cash and I rarely oblige. I'd compromise to give a voucher or buy "ahead" for something they might not have yet/a size they might not have much of yet. Sounds like your present idea was really good and stuff they might not have considered though, so stick to it if you want!

I'm torn on this, I'm super organized and also very picky so I'd probably be awful to buy for, but I'd never dream of asking for cash - or demand gifts at all. People give you things you'd never imagine would be useful though, or pick such lovely things with such care and good wishes. I'd just feel lucky they bothered!

loutypips · 19/09/2020 08:40

I wouldn't buy a git if they have asked for none, but I wouldn't give them money either!
How about you cook them something that's easy to heat up, when they come home from the hospital? I would've loved that. Or offer to sit with baby while mum has a bath?

loutypips · 19/09/2020 08:41

Haha I just see you said about cooking! Must've cross posted.

PrometheusB · 19/09/2020 08:42

To be honest, when I had my 2DC, i was inundated with size 3-6 month clothes in particular as gifts because everyone had the same idea that I'd be inundated with newborn things! I actually had very little in newborn and some of the bigger sized stuff barely got worn because I had so much, which was such a shame because people had spent their time and money looking for lovely things.

I think your cooking idea sounds wonderful!

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