To buy a gift even though they've asked for money?

[lasangoles]

Not sure how to feel about this. My friend has asked me not to buy her and her partner a gift for the birth of their first baby. I was just going to get them something little each, a couple of little things that I found really helpful at beginning of my mat leave. They'd only come to about £12 but I don't have much money and am a lone parent to a toddler myself. I would feel a bit shit just presenting them with a tenner! Would you just stick a measly tenner in a card? Or buy the gift anyway?

Glitterandunicorns that must have been extremely helpful. Me and dh would have been so grateful for meals as were surviving on reminents of my freezer meals I'd made whilst pregnant and a giant galaxy chocolate bar somebody had gotten us. Nobody brought us any food apart from sweets and my sibling brought a meal but ate some himself and left the dishes! My inlaws literally went to a place that sell ready to cook pre prepped massive meals and didnt pick any up then proceeded to tell us they had loads of nappies there too but weren't sure we would need any I guess that is a whole new thread!

I'd be mortified if a friend who was much less well off than me gave me money. When my DS was born, we got a gazillion gifts, and I appreciated every single one, but in all honesty,

---I can't now remember who gave what. What I remember is the people who gave me their time and their food

DM came every day for a week to spend the day with me. DSis spent at least an evening or two a week with me and DS, just travelling that road with me. DBIL, who worked shifts, came over loads of times by about 11, bringing a posh deli sandwich each for us, and chummed me to the park as DS screamed his head off. Then he headed off to work after lunch. All those people brought decent, nutritious food for us, even if it was just a tub of soup from Marks.

OP, your idea of chilli/lasagne is so great. Easily reheated, high in iron, nothing could be better. If you have time to spare during the day once her DH is back at work, that's pretty precious too

and the majority of homemade food is awful. 😂😂😂
Except yours, I suppose? Or do you live on takeaways?

the majority of homemade food is awful. I've literally never heard anyone say this! Do you not think most people cool for themselves and their families? What do you think they live off?

I’d rather get a takeaway or make something quick myself. You must be really rich if you can afford so many takeaways. I'd be the size of a house!

Except yours, I suppose? Or do you live on takeaways?

Thisismytimetoshine Of course I like my own

I've literally never heard anyone say this! Do you not think most people cool for themselves and their families? What do you think they live off?

WaterOffADucksCrack I really don’t care as long as I’m not eating it.

You must be really rich if you can afford so many takeaways. I'd be the size of a house!

Takeaways are a rarity for us; we tend to only have them if we’re short on time or in unusual circumstances.

Grabby if they have asked for money.

Food idea is lovely, we've a tradition with friends where we give a cook meal in the 2 or 3 weeks after baby is born. Everyone can use a delicious easy nutritious meal! My sister brought me two dinners & my MIL did, it was the most thoughtful thing ever.

*Along with a pp I would also bin any food made for us. I’d smile politely and say thank you, but it would go straight in the bin.

I’m not interested in random food that I haven’t chosen and don’t know how it’s been made, and the majority of homemade food is awful.

I’d rather get a takeaway or make something quick myself.*

Are you for real? You can't possibly be.

Wouldn't your friends know you well enough to cook something you would like? Dont you ever get invited to dinner at friends homes? Do you enjoy the food they prepare? Most of my friends cook lovely food, I would be happy to eat it any night of the week. How on earth you can think home made food is awful I just don't know. Takeaway I often find to be greasy and salty and poor quality.

Pmsl at someone thinking all home cooked food is gross yet is happy to chow down on takeaway 😂😂😂
Do you think it organically forms in the plastic containers without benefit of human hand?!

Pmsl at someone thinking all home cooked food is gross yet is happy to chow down on takeaway 😂😂😂 Do you think it organically forms in the plastic containers without benefit of human hand?!

This. There are some bat shit snooty arseholes on this thread. Too good to eat home cooked food ftlog!

If they don't want a gift, don't give a gift. Just give a congratulations card. (No money)

@luckymumtobe do you ever get invites to your friends for meals? And if you're worried about the hygiene standards in their homes don't you worry about the many unhygenic takeaways there are?

They should feel shit asking for money. Esp of a friend who is on a tight budget. Who the hell do they think they are?

Give what you like, or even just a card.

Along with a pp I would also bin any food made for us. I’d smile politely and say thank you, but it would go straight in the bin.

I’m not interested in random food that I haven’t chosen and don’t know how it’s been made, and the majority of homemade food is awful.

Wow, just wow! Just when I think I've heard it all out comes another one. It never ceases to amaze me how many strange people there are in the world. What do you eat if the majority of homemade food is awful?

@eaglejulesk

Along with a pp I would also bin any food made for us. I’d smile politely and say thank you, but it would go straight in the bin.

I’m not interested in random food that I haven’t chosen and don’t know how it’s been made, and the majority of homemade food is awful.

Wow, just wow! Just when I think I've heard it all out comes another one. It never ceases to amaze me how many strange people there are in the world. What do you eat if the majority of homemade food is awful?

McDonalds. Bet you anything 🤣

The gifts I got were fantastic- things like photo frames or albums or the hand print thingys. I've seen all of them for less than a tenner and yet they meant so much more to me. I think people probably assume you'll get something practical they already have but aren't thinking keepsakes. I say gift!!

When my best friend was pregnant and having a baby I was broke, absolutely broke. Student nurse, working all hours etc. She specifically said no gifts, your gift to me is being there for me etc. Well, I made a gift, I taught myself to crochet on youtube and did a blanket (in hindsight it was TERRIBLE) and I used an empty pasta sauce jar, and put in motivational reminders for the tough nights reminding her not to doubt herself her instincts are good etc. And ideas of what to do with baby, and little hints and tips from my degree (studying paediatric nursing was in 3rd year at the time), and I delivered them and the grandparents a baby first aid and CPR class. To this day she still has that hideous blanket framed in his room and the jar is still on his desk. I honestly think people just like to know you care. If I could cook I'd have done that! I can bake but not cook, I did give some of her favourite flapjack too which I gave pre-labour to fuel it haha. When he was born, MIL went crazy and gave her so much designer stuff, he doesn't even own one piece of it anymore, she's not a very designer person. So personalise it, make it cheap and make it about her and you and the baby and I promise you it won't go badly. It will probably make her cry though, pre warning. I didn't realise quite how serious hormones could work, think Kim Kardashian style tears hahaha

Reading that back, I know it sounds lame. Crafting things etc. So no need to tell me how sad I am haha, But I really didn't have much money, I do now and I treat him every birthday, but I still always try to make something where I can too or get him something we can all enjoy together.

@NameChange657

Reading that back, I know it sounds lame. Crafting things etc. So no need to tell me how sad I am haha, But I really didn't have much money, I do now and I treat him every birthday, but I still always try to make something where I can too or get him something we can all enjoy together.

That's not remotely sad, it's lovely.

@NameChange657 - that doesn't sound at all lame. On the contrary you sound like a very special friend, and the fact that she kept your gifts speaks volumes.

@ameliajoan

Along with a pp I would also bin any food made for us. I’d smile politely and say thank you, but it would go straight in the bin.

I’m not interested in random food that I haven’t chosen and don’t know how it’s been made, and the majority of homemade food is awful.

I’d rather get a takeaway or make something quick myself.

We binned so much food when my mom was dying. Sorry but casseroles & lasagnes made from god knows what were not what we needed then. We don't frequent restaurants and takeaway either.

Bread, ham and cheese or fruit & nuts or a box of croissants would've been more appreciated. Of course we pretended to be grateful; they meant well.

In most circumstances, I think it's quite rude to ask for money. I would give them the gift as planned, or possibly a voucher. When me & my husband got married, we said we didn't want anything at all. We got some very personal gifts, which was lovely but I'd have been mortified to have asked for anything.

How about something like,
Buying the baby your favourite book as a child

I appreciate I'm probably in the minority here, but freezer meals were one thing I personally wouldn't have wanted.

I found the whole 'lets get stuff in the freezer' approach to be on the assumption that men can't/won't cook, and so a bit dated really.

We are normally, including quite time consuming stuff, with our of us having the baby and the other cooking, so it really wouldn't have been needed. Maybe when trying to juggle work a year down the line, or with subsequent children, but with our first we did more cooking not less.

What I would do though, I make some really nice cookie mixture they freezes, make a few different varieties, and cut in cookie size pieces and give to her. That way, she can have fresh warm cookies as a treat whenever. It's something they could do themselves, but are less likely to, and feels much more indulgent than a meal personally.

I think this gift thing is out of control. I think it’s bad manners to ask for money rather than gifts. It adds so much pressure. I would buy something small rather than money in a card. I’m sure your friend will understand OP.