To buy a gift even though they've asked for money?

[lasangoles]

Not sure how to feel about this. My friend has asked me not to buy her and her partner a gift for the birth of their first baby. I was just going to get them something little each, a couple of little things that I found really helpful at beginning of my mat leave. They'd only come to about £12 but I don't have much money and am a lone parent to a toddler myself. I would feel a bit shit just presenting them with a tenner! Would you just stick a measly tenner in a card? Or buy the gift anyway?

Get the baby a book or teddy and let them crack on I think it's cheeky to expect a new baby gift then ask for money in its place.

I think the meals for the freezer is a great idea. Its much more personal and I'm sure they will really appreciate it.

I've given money as a baby gift but. I think asking for money is just cheeky ..

Wow ! I am truly amazed to hear that people ask for money when a baby is born. Buy a little gift with love . I can understand the prospective parents having a few ideas eg Muslins, bibs , next stage babygros or sleeping bags in case they are asked but buying a gift is a pleasure and taking that away from family and friends is arrogant and selfish. I sympathise with not wanting to waste unnecessary things but I would strongly suggest not buying tons of stuff before the baby is born would be a way round this if that is your motive.

Just send a card. They may not like what you buy as gift or have a fixed ''idea'' of themed wardrobe for the child so maybe that's why they want money. They will be too busy to notice.

If they asked for money I'd just give them a card. Wouldn't give money to anyone who asked for it! I realise people don't want to be given stuff that might not be to their taste, but then just say you don't need anything.

I don't think they were being rude. They just said when I asked if there was anything they needed that there wasn't, and they've just been asking people who want to give a gift money instead. I think they are going to use it to do up the nursery. They never stipulated that I must give them money. And I know that they would never hold it against me if I got them nothing at all. It was more my dilemma as they bought me a beautiful personalised coat for my son when he was born in the depth of winter, and I would like to give something just as thoughtful!

They're not grabby at all. They're wonderful people. When I split up from my ex after domestic abuse, she booked us a spa day in a hotel and arranged for my mum to look after my son for the night, all in secret! I have never been so touched in my life. They're so lovely. I just wanted to do something nice for their first baby :)

Cooking for them is very thoughtful :)

Maybe throw in a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates as well to make it more 'gift' like. Or even do a dessert too?

But honestly, homemade food for the freezer is a godsend for new parents so whatever you make will be well received.

They probably do need cash and will put together all the money they are given for the baby to buy something essential. In your place, as you particularly want to give a present, I'd buy the small present and, as you suggest, do it up nicely, and put a tenner in a card.

Wow fairly well off and asked for money instead of gifts cheeky fuckers! Surely if they are fussy about outfits/gifts you just say “we don’t need anything so please don’t feel obliged to buy a gift” they actually asked for the money instead 🙈. Get them a card and leave it at that.

asking for money is grabby - just send a card, no gift

This is just the start. I can see them sending out gift lists for many many birthday s to come!

I would just give the gift, I doubt they would be annoyed and there are things that are always useful, or different to usual things that they might really appreciate. One of the best things my DS was given was a little soft blanket that clipped into a sort of dressing gown. We used it for years.

Lots of people got me clothes which wasn't to my taste, all the books people gave me we're reading now and I love them, particularly ones I wouldn't have chosen as they've turned out to be her favourite.

Also, a weird one but nobody got me bath toys. So I think get something like a nice book that can be sentimental, or something like bath toys that they're unlikely to have bought yet, and if you can prep some food for the freezer and I'm sure they'll be delighted.

Some people are very funny indeed about eating food cooked by others - especially now and especially with a new baby.

The food idea is great and I would've loved that

Your friend sounds lovely re the spa day 😊 I’m obviously in the minority but I don’t think they’re being ‘grabby’ at all.
If people have shown their intention by saying ‘what gift would you like’ they’re being honest enough to say ‘none’ but if you’d like money would be appreciated.

It may be they’ve prepped for everything and would like to save to buy outfits etc when the baby grows a little. They might have the plan of sending a picture with a thank you card if ‘look what we bought with your gift’.

I honestly wouldn't jump to any bad thoughts if these were my friends!

People suggesting things like buy them a teddy and give a card a don’t go that! Another teddy that will go in landfill or put into a charity shop or something- they said they don’t want anything

It really wasn't grabby. They're lovely people and really quite selfless. I know them well enough to know they aren't grabby. Was just a bit of a dilemma for me that's all. Anxiety central!

@lasangoles

It really wasn't grabby. They're lovely people and really quite selfless. I know them well enough to know they aren't grabby. Was just a bit of a dilemma for me that's all. Anxiety central!

It really was, you know. Most people who really didn't want a gift would just say so, not inform their friends they'd prefer cash instead.

Wow I've never heard of people asking for money instead of gifts for a baby, I only thought this happened at weddings (or teenager birthday's). I think it's grabby asking for money tbh. If they said no gift, I'd not get them a gift, I'd not give money either

@lasangoles

It really wasn't grabby. They're lovely people and really quite selfless. I know them well enough to know they aren't grabby. Was just a bit of a dilemma for me that's all. Anxiety central!

Well they could have just said “we are asking people not to get gifts” and leave it at that rather than add that they are telling people to give money instead.

A card, with a pretty 'bank note' type thing inside reading something like - 'I promise to pay the bearer on demand an evening's babysitting' or something else useful like that. Will make them smile and cost you nothing.

Sorry op but there income is five times more than yours. There is nothing they need. I agree cook them a dinner and give the baby a card. They really dont need your money xx