To buy a gift even though they've asked for money?

[lasangoles]

Not sure how to feel about this. My friend has asked me not to buy her and her partner a gift for the birth of their first baby. I was just going to get them something little each, a couple of little things that I found really helpful at beginning of my mat leave. They'd only come to about £12 but I don't have much money and am a lone parent to a toddler myself. I would feel a bit shit just presenting them with a tenner! Would you just stick a measly tenner in a card? Or buy the gift anyway?

Cooking a meal for their freezer would be a really fab gift.

I wouldn't buy them a present.

Despite what MN says, in the real world people ask for money. It is the polite way of saying "please do not buy me a present I don't want and won't like".

Just send them a card. They will appreciate that more.

People like to buy their own things for their babies, given that they have enough money. Really annoying when you feel you can’t do that because someone gave you something that will do but isn’t your taste.

I agree with pp, give them a card and, if you want to, a board book.

OK, that's decided then! Going to make them chilli and lasagne which they both request every time they come to mine 😊

You’ve been specifically asked not to buy a gift. Don’t buy a gift.

They don’t need your money. Don’t give them money.

A card and your ongoing friendship are all that is required here.

@lasangoles

OK, that's decided then! Going to make them chilli and lasagne which they both request every time they come to mine 😊

Brilliant and will be totally appreciated I'm sure.

I’d buy books in that case - most parents are always pleased to have a growing library for their kids.

I was given A LOT of 3-6 month clothes by people who all said that they were sure I would have been given lots of newborn things already. I now have way too much 3-6 month stuff I'll never use so I think that depends on how well you know your friend and what she already has. I think the snacks are a lovely idea. What about some bath stuff for your friend rather than something for the baby that might not be used? Re the money, I would just put a tenner in a card and feel no shame if you go down that route. If they've actually asked for money then they'll get what people can afford, or nothing at all as its really quite rude!

@lasangoles

They are fairly wealthy. They earn upwards of 45k each. Which doesn't make me feel any better on my 19k a year! I just feel like giving them a tenner would suck. I think I might just prep them some food for their freezer as I'm a good cook!

My friend did this for us. It was an absolute lifesaver when we arrived back from hospital with a baby that breastfed continuously. It was so thoughtful.

Have they actually asked for money - your title suggests yes but it's not clear from your OP.

If they have requested money (who does that for a baby?) then you are not obliged to give it.

If they have requested no presents, then that means no presents Just respect that.

Hmm it's hard. They're having a baby, probably dont want a load of extra stuff that maybe isn't what they want when they're gonna have a load of additional stuff and a new baby. I think I'd stick a tenner in a card.

Your title states that they have asked for money, but your post just states that they have said no gifts. Giving the benefit of the doubt they understand that money is tight and don’t want you spending it on them. So no gift or money.

Omg food for the freezer would be very welcome here! That's my biggest concern already and I'm only about 2mo!

@lasangoles how about a gift voucher instead? Still a gift of money but looks a bit better than sticking a tenner in a card

Meals are a brilliant idea, we really appreciated it from our friends and family when we had our babies. You sound very thoughtful.

I think it's rude to ask for money for a baby gift, especially if they are fairly wealthy. I would just give them a card, and the meals.

I really don't understand why mn hates giving money instead of an actual gift.
When my dcs were born, we were given loads of stuff. A lot of of duplicated things we had already bought and were therefore of no use to us. They ended up in charity shops as at that time we knew nobody else who was likely to need them. The money we were given was saved in dcs name and when it was eventually handed over at age 18, it was a tidy sum.
Op, if these people are your friends, they will know, or at least have an idea, of your financial circumstances and £10 will be gratefully received. It can then either be saved, as we did, or used later on to help buy a more significant item for the child.

These days, if I am asked what I want, I always ask for money that I can save and use to buy something special. I'd rather have £5 in a card than have someone spend a lot of money on something that is just not 'me'. My dad's last gift to me was a horrendous ornament. Apart from the day I opened it, it has never been out of the cupboard. I can't bring myself to get rid of it, but it will never see the light of day. On the other hand, I have a couple of lovely pieces of jewellery that I bought with money given to me and I treasure them as what I call ' family ' gifts and I wear them daily.

As someone has asked upthread (and you haven't replied yet so perhaps didn't see it). Did they ask for money or did they just say no gifts and you are inferring this means they want money?

The cooking a meal option is a good one

Food is the best gift!!

Get them a thoughtful gift. My favourite gifts were always something I had never considered and had a lot of thought into it. I got a glass Scottish thistle for our wedding and it was my favourite thing of all. Someone got me a star wrap swaddle blanket with my baby's name embroidered on and even though I had never considered a swaddler and had other blankets it ended up being loved and used everywhere every day.

The reason people ask for money not physical gift is so they don't end up with lots of crap.

I am flabbergasting by Brits not grasping it even though everyone is decluttering, buying less for environment AND their own MH which can be affected by living amongst mountains of crap.

Just give a voucher or a card with 15 quid in it. It's fine.

Maybe they’ve said don’t buy a gift as they know you don’t have much money? Or did they specifically ask for money instead?

Did they actually ask for money?

I would buy a gift. I hate it when money is asked for, its grabby in my opinion.

If they dont want gifts then fine just say we dint want anyone to buy anything for us and leave it at that, not no gifts give us money.

What about a boots voucher for £10.

I spend about £10 on people’s babies unless family or super close friend