To buy a gift even though they've asked for money?

[lasangoles]

Not sure how to feel about this. My friend has asked me not to buy her and her partner a gift for the birth of their first baby. I was just going to get them something little each, a couple of little things that I found really helpful at beginning of my mat leave. They'd only come to about £12 but I don't have much money and am a lone parent to a toddler myself. I would feel a bit shit just presenting them with a tenner! Would you just stick a measly tenner in a card? Or buy the gift anyway?

We are normally, that should have said.

I mean, I took up baking again in the first 3 months because I had more time to than when working...

That said, if I liked your lasagne I'd eat it, I'd just be slightly bemused at the implication that two adults with one baby needed help.

slightly bemused at the implication that two adults with 1 baby needed help

I was completely bed bound & quite ill after I had DS (labour complications, then I got ill). The baby didnt sleep well at night so when DH went back to work 2 weeks in yes we were bloody grateful for any help we get, including loads of delicious homemade meals from various relatives.

Find it odd seeing people talk about "lasagne made from god knows what". Its a lasagne. Willing to bet it's made from ragu , pasta, a white sauce & cheese. You might get a bit of spinach chucked in. How is it any different to a lasagne in a pub or cafe where you don't know the exact recipe?!

If you don’t want a gift fine, but I think it’s unbelievably rude and crass to ask for money. These people obviously want for nothing OP so that is exactly what I would give them. Nothing.

@thisismytimetoshine we said no gifts at all. Some came back and insisted they wanted to give something and were going to give regardless (very common in our culture). In that case we asked they please give us money as we did not need anything that the time and could put it towards future purchases as baby grew up or put in their saving account.

Giving an item with gift receipt to a new parent who has specifically said they don't want it is also ridiculous. Likewise with the suggestion of them selling it. The majority don't have time to traipse around asking for refunds and also don't want to be selling stuff. Just don't give at all - as they requested

I think they're incredibly rude and grabby. I'd just send a card. They don't need your help.

If it’s their first baby, I’d buy a classic book

Something like Paddington or Wind in the Willows.

I wonder if they are thinking to put all the money together for a big item? £10 in a card is absolutely fine. However, when I had DS (or even now) home cooked meals that I could just reheat would have been the best gift ever!

Just put a tenner in a card

If I was on £90k, I would be mortified to have a single mum on a below average salary put a tenner in a card for me. I would honestly prefer just the card, no tenner.

Reading your posts I agree with your decision to make food - very thoughtful gift.

I might also sneak in an outfit if I saw something I liked too, but only because I would enjoy picking it.

They sound like very nice friends who wouldn’t want you to feel uncomfortable at all.

If you know they like your food I think that’s a great idea; alternatively a bottle of something they like to drink?

When I was severely sleep deprived with a new baby (esp the first time around) i would have eaten and been grateful for what ever meals anybody put in front of me that I didn't have to make. If only any of my relatives were that thoughtful!

@NameChange657

Reading that back, I know it sounds lame. Crafting things etc. So no need to tell me how sad I am haha, But I really didn't have much money, I do now and I treat him every birthday, but I still always try to make something where I can too or get him something we can all enjoy together.

Not even slight lame. It sounds perfect and obviously special to her

I've never heard of giving the parents a gift each. You normally just get the baby a gift...

Sorry but casseroles & lasagnes made from god knows what were not what we needed then. We don't frequent restaurants and takeaway either.
Made from God knows what? I don't know whether that sounds spoilt and petulant or downright paranoid and weird...
Give over 🙄

Sorry but casseroles & lasagnes made from god knows what

What do you think they’re made from, roadkill?

The drama lamas on here are something else.

I can only speak for myself, but none of the oh so useful stuff we got for 2 kids was useful at all. of course I said thank you, but it all ended up in the bin unused (charity shops don’t take baby stuff as they get so much of it).
Save your money, or get a just eat etc voucher if you absolutely have to.

Lots of people now suggesting books.

Which part of the two word phrase "no gifts" is unclear?

@anuffername

Lots of people now suggesting books.

Which part of the two word phrase "no gifts" is unclear?

I'm guessing it's the "no" 🤔

I'm guessing it's the "no"

You would think so, but then there's:

"Personally if friends ask for no gift then I honour that. Instead I will buy them a fancy card and then something small but practical/consumable for the new parents that is more a treat than a "gift""

So you see there are gifts that aren't actually gifts apparently

Two small words and so many ways to interpret them!

@Yesterdayforgotten

When I was severely sleep deprived with a new baby (esp the first time around) i would have eaten and been grateful for what ever meals anybody put in front of me that I didn't have to make. If only any of my relatives were that thoughtful!

Exactly. It’s so exhausting having a new born & not to mention when your baby has additional problems such as a cows milk intolerance! I would of welcomed OP at my house!

@Florencex

Just put a tenner in a card

If I was on £90k, I would be mortified to have a single mum on a below average salary put a tenner in a card for me. I would honestly prefer just the card, no tenner.

Agreed 100%

If you don't have much budget, you can choose to do some handicrafts. This is a good way to express your blessings to your friends. You can add some cheap and practical things within your budget.
www.itemsbaby.com/collections/accessories