To buy a gift even though they've asked for money?

[lasangoles]

Not sure how to feel about this. My friend has asked me not to buy her and her partner a gift for the birth of their first baby. I was just going to get them something little each, a couple of little things that I found really helpful at beginning of my mat leave. They'd only come to about £12 but I don't have much money and am a lone parent to a toddler myself. I would feel a bit shit just presenting them with a tenner! Would you just stick a measly tenner in a card? Or buy the gift anyway?

Since when is giving birth an expectation of getting gifts or money?

I like the idea of cooked meals. Lasagne freezes and reheats in an oven very well in those foil trays. And chilli's a cracker heated in a microwave. I made my mum lasagnes, chillis and shepherds pies by the half dozen for her freezer when she had a hip replacement.

Nowhere in the OP does it say they asked for money, I’d consider no gifts to include no money, since when was money not a gift.

Did they actually ask for money?

Very rude... especially considering they're a couple with a large salary and you're a single mum on a lower income...and they literally want you to hand over cash to them. A gift is a token to say congratulations when a new baby is born not an excuse to swell your bank balance. An outfit is the standard baby gift. I'd tell them sorry you've already bought something.

MN still has a stick up its arse about giving money, I see.

I never understand the absolute audacity of people thinking they have the right to control what other people should get off them.

Especially those who go out of their way specifically to get a gift when they know it's not wanted. Why? Why not put the value of the gift into a card and be done with it?

Perhaps the cash requests are because people don't want a house full of crap they didn't ask for? Maybe they're saving toward a big item. What difference does it make to you, the giver?

@lasangoles food is a lovely idea but a tenner in a card is also fine and nothing to be embarrassed by.

And no, a gift voucher is NOT a good compromise because it's not what they want.

Op doesn't, but the title does. Put together it sounds like they said, if they can have money rather than present.

@overtherainbow88 that's great idea. And practical

Cooked meals is a much better idea. If they've asked for no gifts please dont buy baby clothes. They wont just be inundated with newborn stuff, lots of people think that but it's not true. I had plenty until 1year. Or a beautiful bunch of flowers might go down well

I really don't think it's grabby asking for money. I'm a minimalist person. I don't like to keep/hoard or store things I don't need/use or Iove so when it comes to gifts I always prefer the edible kind of gift, vouchers, money or an experience etc. Or if someone asks me specifically and I need something then I will tell them. If they asked for money I would give money...surely that's just easier for everyone?

I think the food idea is perfect! And exactly what giving gifts should be about.

My friend has asked me not to buy her and her partner a gift for the birth of their first baby

They don't want a gift. They are not asking for money or a voucher.

I’d always rather get people what they want, rather than what I think they want/need.

I’ll get flamed for this but is a bit like wedding gifts. I got loads of cheap novelty tat despite asking for no gifts. Things like cheap card shop champagne glasses etc... I have none of it now and it was a colossal waste of money for the giver.

Not that it matters, but they could be saving for a large item like a cot/pram, so need cash for that. Or setting up a bank account for the baby - I did and any cash given for bdays etc goes in there while they’re young.

I think £10 cash is still good. She can add it to the total they recieve and spend it on what they want. I wouldn't do vouchers though. I had a mixture of vouchers, it was a nightmare trying to find something I wanted from various shops. Also with covid 19 many people wouldnt want to visit numerous shops with a newborn baby. You can still give a present if you want, though?

She hasn't asked for money, but she has asked for no gifts. It could be that she is being sensitive to the fact that money is tight for a lot of people and she doesn't want anyone to feel obliged to buy anything for them.

So don't - if you want to cook her a meal, then do. But don't feel obliged. I certainly had no expectations of gifts when my kids were born. You could write a lovely card that she can keep for the baby to read when they are older.

A tenner is fine , I would be great full for that, if they get arsey then they are grabby ungrateful people who don’t deserve your gift.

I would definitely do the food op, can you make something for the baby? A blanket etc? Or maybe a nappy cake?

Dreadful to ask for money. Have they specifically requested it, though?

It isn’t clear to me whether they’ve actually asked for money or just said no gift. I think it’d be fine to just give a card but am sure a £10 voucher would be appreciated if you do want to give something.

@lasangoles

I was going to buy a couple of cute outifits in a bigger size as she will be inundated with newborn stuff (my friend works in a shop where I get a big discount which is handy so they'd be nice clothes) and some snacky bits for her and hubby.

I think that sounds lovely. I would either do that or just a card. But not money. I've literally never heard of people asking for money when they've had a baby 😯

Am I misunderstanding because from your OP they have said they don’t want a gift which means they don’t want a present or money for the baby. A card will undoubtedly go into a memory box and be kept, whilst a meal will be much appreciated but don’t give a gift or £10 if they have asked you not to.

I never understand the absolute audacity of people thinking they have the right to control what other people should get off them.
😂😂😂
Gifts are not compulsory.

lasangoles

I just feel like a tenner looks like I don't really care but I really don't have much money.”

They’ll understand that. Things are really tight for so many people atm. Imagine they might want to put money aside, for when the baby is older and needs more clothes.
I’d be very grateful to receive anything in a card, in their circumstances.

I would buy clothes in a larger size - 6-9 months perhaps, should be decent items in the sales suitable for when their baby reaches that age. I suspect that asking for money rather than more stuff is more directed at family

@Thisismytimetoshine

I never understand the absolute audacity of people thinking they have the right to control what other people should get off them. 😂😂😂 Gifts are not compulsory.

And nobody said they were?

So how could it be audacious to decide for yourself what you'd like to present someone with? Your post is hyperbolic nonsense.