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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a house full in the run up to the wedding?

185 replies

IwishThatYouWereHere · 13/09/2020 22:06

We get married in a couple of weeks. We live in a 3 bed with 2 children. DP's parent's live away so are going to stay with us before and after the wedding. DP's brother and his girlfriend also live away and we said they could stay on the sofa (we don't have any spare rooms) the night before the wedding as I'd be at my parents and the night of the wedding as we would be at the hotel. They then asked if they could stay a couple of days before the wedding and the night after. I said no as it'll mean we are breaking the 'rule of 6' should it be in place still and also I don't want my house full in the lead up to the wedding as I'll be stressed as it is and just want to relax. AIBU?

OP posts:
PaulinePetrovaPosey · 13/09/2020 22:09

God no.

We had a similar problem (pre Covid), so we left our various relatives to it in our house before the wedding and decamped to a hotel for a few days. It was lovely.

Sunnydaysstillhere · 13/09/2020 22:10

Suggest they all put in to a pot to pay for you an extended hotel stay. While they treat your home like a hotel.
Fair is fair imo.

RingORingORoses · 13/09/2020 22:11

You’ve said no so that’s that

Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 13/09/2020 22:12

Brother has now turned round and said he won't be coming at all once he was told that Friday and Saturday is all that I was happy for them to stay for.

OP posts:
Brigante9 · 13/09/2020 22:12

You e told them? So they’re unlikely to try to argue, surely?

CuppaZa · 13/09/2020 22:12

Stand your ground. They need to accept it’s a no

Icanflyhigh · 13/09/2020 22:13

No YADefinitelyNBU!

Cheeky feckers - tell them all to book a hotel room. Use Covid as an excuse and have your house to yourself!

We will have the same issue next year when all of DPs family will need somewhere to stay. They also all refuse to travel without their dogs, and I don't want their dogs in my house!

Please or offend, they will be told to get a hotel or B&B!

Princessdebthe1st · 13/09/2020 22:14

Dear OP,
Where in the UK do you live? If it is in England you will be breaking the rule of 6 anyway with the PIL and DPs brother and partner because the children are included. But (assuming that is not the case) YANBU at all. It will be too stressful and disruptive.

Bufferingkisses · 13/09/2020 22:14

Did you respond with "i had no idea attending my wedding was dependant on you stamping your feet and getting your own way. So glad I found out now."

Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 13/09/2020 22:14

DP is now sulking with me massively as he's saying as it was me who didn't want them to stay the extra nights its my fault his brother isn't coming to the wedding and has fallen out with him (he hasn't he's fallen out with ME)

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 13/09/2020 22:15

Absolutely not, we had in-laws staying to help beforehand and it was an actual nightmare even though we get on well.

movingonup20 · 13/09/2020 22:15

Depends how far they are travelling, 200 miles 2 nights is fair, 500 mikes then extra nights on the sofa seem fair enough

Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 13/09/2020 22:18

Yes we live in the UK. That's part why I said I didn't mind the Friday or Saturday as I will be at my parent's with DC the Friday and Saturday we will be at the hotel while DC are at my parents. And also it's the lead up to my wedding and I just want my home to be the place I can come back to and RELAX! I have never met his brother's girlfriend which doesn't matter and if it wasn't my wedding or the back end of a pandemic I would put up and shut up.. but I would just feel so uncomfortable having them on the sofa in the lead up to such a stressful occasion anyway! I wouldn't be in the mood to 'entertain' or be tripping up over peoples stuff all over my living room.
I don't know, maybe I'm just a bitch as that's how DP's family is making me feel.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 13/09/2020 22:21

YANBU.
Stick
To your guns. If he chooses not to attend it’s up to them.

SheeshazAZ09 · 13/09/2020 22:22

I will soon be in same situation with DP’s relatives. I warded it off by offering to pay for B&B for them. Weddings are stressful enough without having to entertain guests.

Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 13/09/2020 22:22

@Icanflyhigh I could cope with dog's - I prefer dog's to humans a lot of the time! They are travelling about 250 miles which I appreciate is a long way but the wedding isn't until the Saturday so there would be no need for them to come before the Friday - meaning if they wanted to stay until the Monday they would only have to book a hotel for 1 night. I don't know if its just me but I don't understand this mentality of expecting being able to stay at other people's houses. It often feels cramped just the 4 of us at the best of times!

OP posts:
Jouleigh · 13/09/2020 22:26

We had a low key wedding a few weeks ago. It was always going to be relaxed with a small number of guests. It was postponed due to lockdown.

I didn't think I was going to be stressed at all, but I was! Not as much as if it was something bigger, but I appreciated having my own time and space. Looking back I'm glad it was only us and the kids immediately beforehand.

fatgirlslimmer · 13/09/2020 22:26

I wouldn’t have anyone staying in my home over my wedding, why don’t they book into a premier inn or better still as pp suggested pay for you and DH to have an extended stay in a hotel while they have your house and kids.

Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 13/09/2020 22:27

@Brigante9 we told them they could stay the Friday and Saturday. They then came back and asked if they could stay a couple of nights before and the night after too. I said no, so DP told his brother who has now said because of that he won't be attending. Now DP isn't speaking to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 13/09/2020 22:31

@fatgirlslimmer The whole reason they are staying at our house (and they've said it several times) is to save THEM money! So paying for a hotel for us would be defeating the object as to why they are wanting to stay with us! I just feel like its been a case of give them an inch (everyone can stay when myself and DC are at my parents) and they try to take a mile (why can't we stay in the lead up and the night after) and when I say no its me that is all that is evil.
Also the rule of 6 will be in place by then, they are all saying it might not be in place then etc.. but surely we should plan as though it would be in place for the same reason we are having a small wedding!

OP posts:
copperoliver · 13/09/2020 22:32

It's only 2 extra days out of your life rather than cause your husband upset which may go on for a long time. Surely it's about what he wants too and he clearly wants his family at his wedding. X

Anydreamwilldo12 · 13/09/2020 22:33

Tell your partner to sod off. As if you haven't got enough to do getting sorted for your wedding. You're being very kind even letting his parents stay.
What a cheeky fucker tight arse the brother is. Why can't they book into a cheap hotel. Don't back down, seems like the whole family are walking all over you.
Enjoy your wedding day.

billy1966 · 13/09/2020 22:36

You are not being unreasonable and they are CF's.

I wouldn't be impressed with your husband to be ignoring you either...Hmm

ineedaholidaynow · 13/09/2020 22:37

What they are suggesting is breaking the law, also you are still meant to SD when having people stay at your house, which I assume won't happen.

Throckmorton · 13/09/2020 22:41

Is your DP actually sulking? Because that's not a trait I'd want in someone I was marrying...

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