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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a house full in the run up to the wedding?

185 replies

IwishThatYouWereHere · 13/09/2020 22:06

We get married in a couple of weeks. We live in a 3 bed with 2 children. DP's parent's live away so are going to stay with us before and after the wedding. DP's brother and his girlfriend also live away and we said they could stay on the sofa (we don't have any spare rooms) the night before the wedding as I'd be at my parents and the night of the wedding as we would be at the hotel. They then asked if they could stay a couple of days before the wedding and the night after. I said no as it'll mean we are breaking the 'rule of 6' should it be in place still and also I don't want my house full in the lead up to the wedding as I'll be stressed as it is and just want to relax. AIBU?

OP posts:
Bonnieonthelam · 14/09/2020 15:02

My question is this. And I ask it as a caring outsider who has read enough to terrify me. Are you cancelling the wedding? And if not. Why not?

bluebeck · 14/09/2020 16:03

You have a serious DP problem.

I would not be turning that into a DH problem Sad

eatsleepread · 14/09/2020 16:13

YANBU.

Cavagirl · 14/09/2020 16:29

Wow YANBU in fact I'd go so far as to say YABU in agreeing to have any houseguests of any sort over your wedding! Madness!

What's the background to the wedding OP? You live together, have DC, how come you're getting married now? It's not exactly ideal timing for a wedding, sorry to say it. What's behind it?

Xyzzzzz · 14/09/2020 16:39

YANBU but I hate guests anyway, so I think you’re being very nice to allow people to stay.

Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 14/09/2020 18:50

Thank you all for your comments.
His mother text this morning saying “she should’ve have interfered and sorry if it’s caused any upset between me and DP”
No, she’s sorry her interfering backfired - that’s all.

@Cavagirl we were due to get married earlier this year after 3 years planning which was obviously cancelled. I lost my sister in July very suddenly (she was 25) and it’s made me realise that life is too short and if we waited who else wouldn’t be there?
It’s been a tough year for me on a personal level.

OP posts:
Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 14/09/2020 18:51

She SHOULDN’T have interfered is what she said sorry.. no should’ve! As she clearly did interfere!

OP posts:
Original poster
IwishThatYouWereHere · 14/09/2020 18:55

@Shelby2010 I agree. There’s no doubt that it was completely blamed on me she’ll have said I’m saying “it’ll cause me too much stress” there was no need for that to be said. I told DP not to say that in his message but he did and his mother obviously took that part and ran with it.

OP posts:
tableanadchairs · 14/09/2020 18:56

I think l would respond letting her know that her actions have resulted in the actual wedding taking place is in doubt.

happytoday73 · 14/09/2020 18:56

I ask this from a kind concerned place... Is this type of agro really what you want for the rest of your life?

Lollypop701 · 14/09/2020 19:25

The fact is it would be too much stress for most people, so they shouldn’t have asked. They’re not stupid, just selfish. The mil and bil should both be staying at a hotel.

Snipples · 14/09/2020 19:29

It's absolutely disgusting that they would treat you like this when you're still grieving for your sister. Your DP sounds like a twat.

My DH is a sulker and honestly it's his worst trait. He's passive aggressive and a nightmare to live with when he's in one of his huffs. Think very carefully about whether you want this for your future. As you say, life's too short!

billy1966 · 14/09/2020 19:39

@Snipples

It's absolutely disgusting that they would treat you like this when you're still grieving for your sister. Your DP sounds like a twat.

My DH is a sulker and honestly it's his worst trait. He's passive aggressive and a nightmare to live with when he's in one of his huffs. Think very carefully about whether you want this for your future. As you say, life's too short!

Agree.

So you are grieving and this is how your future husband and family treat you?

You poor woman.

I'm so sorry for you.

Life is very short.

Too short to live among such dregs.

You deserve so much better.

Flowers
EnjoyingTheSilence · 14/09/2020 19:39

I’d call the whole thing off. No way would I be marrying a man like that, not would I want to marry into a family like that.

Yes it’s his house and his wedding too but the way they are all behaving is outrageous. I’d cancel the lot of them staying at your house as well so they can’t still trash it.

MrsCollinssettled · 14/09/2020 19:59

Nothing good can come of marrying him and officially becoming part of the family. Can you have a break from the sulks and meddling and go and see your family for a bit and take the dc with you?

VenusClapTrap · 14/09/2020 20:03

Yanbu. You poor thing. We had this with PIL and BIL; I felt like I couldn’t say no to PIL but I drew the line at BIL and his girlfriend sleeping on my sofa. BIL got the hump and as a result Dh paid for him and his girlfriend to stay in a nearby hotel instead. 🙄 It still makes me feel slightly annoyed, years later! What’s the matter with these people, thinking it’s ok to take over the house of a couple before and after their wedding?!

But your Dh is now treating you very badly by not having your back over this. I would not let this lie and would be telling him that his disloyalty was making me reconsider the whole shebang. If his priority is his brother, perhaps he should go and set up home with him instead.

I’m sorry about your sister Flowers

Cavagirl · 14/09/2020 20:23

I'm so sorry about your sister Flowers
You must have been through the mill this year.
What was the original plan for sleeping arrangements for the wedding before it got moved? Or did it not get that far?

burblish · 14/09/2020 20:30

“I lost my sister in July very suddenly (she was 25) and it’s made me realise that life is too short and if we waited who else wouldn’t be there? It’s been a tough year for me on a personal level.”

And yet, knowing all this, your “D”P and his family are behaving like this? Your “D”P knows how you must be feeling at not having your sister there, and thinks it’s ok for his sibling to threaten to not come because he can’t use your home as a hotel? WTAF?! I really hate to say this, but do you really want to marry into this shitshow where your feelings and wishes are completely unimportant and all you are good for is playing housemaid? You are worth more than this and it sounds as though your “D”P needs a rude awakening to that. Flowers

BlueThistles · 14/09/2020 20:33

Im sorry to read of the loss of your Sister OP 🌺

Hopeisnotastrategy · 14/09/2020 20:41

YADNBU.

Take a step backwards. Are you sure you want this bullying from your husband and his family going forward?

Honeyroar · 14/09/2020 20:46

With the added knowledge of the sad loss of your sister they’re being unbelievably horrible and thoughtless.

ChakaDakotaRegina · 15/09/2020 03:13

@Lollypop701

The fact is it would be too much stress for most people, so they shouldn’t have asked. They’re not stupid, just selfish. The mil and bil should both be staying at a hotel.
This. You are reacting like a normal person, they're making you sound like a snowflake.

I’m so sorry about your sister. Grief can throw you so off centre but I hope this thread shows it’s not you. Xx

FizzyGreenWater · 15/09/2020 11:20

I lost my sister in July very suddenly

Your 'd'p should be protecting and caring for you with every INCH of his being right now.

Mine would. In fact I wouldn't even need to be grieving for him to be like a lion in my defence if anyone were to try and treat me the way these people are treating you. But no - in fact he's one of the people harassing and gaslighting and putting on you.

You are right you know. Life is indeed very short.

DON'T MARRY HIM.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 15/09/2020 11:41

I'd sweetly say to him that of course he can have his brother, brother's girlfriend, mother, father, uncle Tom Cobbleigh and all to stay for weeks on end, because you and the children are moving out to your parents' house and the wedding is cancelled.

Livpool · 15/09/2020 11:49

Have they heard of hotels?!