To not want a house full in the run up to the wedding?

[IwishThatYouWereHere]

We get married in a couple of weeks. We live in a 3 bed with 2 children. DP's parent's live away so are going to stay with us before and after the wedding. DP's brother and his girlfriend also live away and we said they could stay on the sofa (we don't have any spare rooms) the night before the wedding as I'd be at my parents and the night of the wedding as we would be at the hotel. They then asked if they could stay a couple of days before the wedding and the night after. I said no as it'll mean we are breaking the 'rule of 6' should it be in place still and also I don't want my house full in the lead up to the wedding as I'll be stressed as it is and just want to relax. AIBU?

His brother had said that ''he knows that for whatever reason its too much stress for us to stay at yours for the wedding - which has fucked me off no end so I won't be coming as I can't be dealing with the bullshit and I won't pretend for anyone''
If I had said no to ANY nights I would understand, or even if the brother was on his own, I wouldn't see anyone having to stay in a hotel by themselves, but what I said was fair I thought? There would be no benefit to them or to us for them to stay the extra nights, other than me and DC would have to stay at my parents in the days before and the night after our wedding?? Its beyond me, it really is.

OP YANBU. So not unreasonable. It's the tightarse brother and sulky kid husband who are BU. Totally. What a pair of pricks. If they end up coming, your "d"h needs to do ALL the looking after including the laundry!!

Its his mother that has been the messenger between them all, DP said they are fine to stay the Friday and Saturday and she seemed to accept it. Then later text and said ''I can't bring myself to tell them they can't stay the extra nights, can they stay'' and I said no, me and DP had a big fall out so he text to say no just the days we have said as I would be too stressed out etc. She obviously repeated that to his brother who then sent the text to him.

Your DP's brother is being ridiculous. YANBU to want some space /time to yourself before and after wedding, your BIL should have the sense to realise that. He sounds very selfish. Your DP should have your back on that.

And they should all realise it's not possible because of the rule of six either, I can't see that changing quickly, as the Gov. will need to see what happens to the death rates before they change the rule of six, which takes a couple of weeks to show the impact of the increased infection rates. So they are all being plain daft to create drama over this anyway.

Ooh cross post that updated message has made me even madder on your behalf. Why not list out the "reasons" for him if he can't imagine? Falling over their stuff in the living room, having to cook and clean and look after them, not being around to actually get to know Binty Face, being quite you know busy and stressed. And anything else you want to add - maybe his obliviousness to domestic and emotional stress that their selfishness causes.

He said THAT?! He's a right entitled twat isn't he! Seriously, your DP should be telling him where to get off, not sulking at you!

@Candyflosscookie He wouldn't though, that's the thing. He's not set one wash off in the 9 years we've been together. It would then reflect badly on me, as though I let my children live in a hovel. I work hard to try to keep my home nice! Usually I'm happy to as I only work PT and I want my family to live in a clean home but I really don't want an extra load when I'll have other things to think about.
Do any of you think IABU at all?

I keep mentioning the rule of six but apparently that is irrelevant to them. I don't even think my own sister would expect to stay the night before especially if she was bringing a new partner. DP just doesn't see my side to it at all, and especially as its his mum who was pushing it and she can do no wrong that of course its me who's in the wrong. Its as though they couldn't stand that we agreed to the 2 nights and all was happy and they had to do something to rock the boat that they knew would cause shit between us and make me look bad.

There are these amazing things called hotels. His family should all be using one for their entire stay.

Never once, even when I was a broke university student, did I expect a bride and groom to let me crash at their place when I travelled for the wedding.

If course you're not being U.

Do you really have to marry him? He doesn't sound right for you.

He's not going to pretend??
But you're meant to pretend you're happy with them crowding out your house, before and after your wedding.

What sort of person invites themselves to stay then throws a tantrum if the 'host' isn't thrilled?
An immature bully, that's who.

Ynbu

@Terrace58 Oh no, according to them its etiquette to let every Tom, Dick and Harry stay at our house to help them save money! I was uneasy about them staying at ours the night of our wedding, they are big drinkers and last time they all stayed my cooker top got switched on overnight(?) and a dining chair got broken. BUT seen as we'll be at the hotel anyway and to keep the peace I agreed. I wasn't agreeing to playing inn keeper the week of and the night after my wedding though.

I don't really like the sound of your fiance, up. He sounds a bit of a bully and the names he is calling you are horrible

@SengaMac Yep, he won't pretend he likes me but I have to pretend I'm happy to have him and whoever it is he's bringing using my sofa and bed as a hostel over my wedding. They stayed (he was with another girlfriend at the time, who again I was meeting for the first time) when it was DD1's christening and I just felt so awkward and like my house wasn't my own. They all got pissed and made a total mess of the kitchen it was like there had been a houseparty.. while I was upstairs at 5am trying to hush a 4 month old to sleep. After that I said never again as memories of her christening are just ruined by the horrible weekend it turned out to be.

YANBU. I’m really laid back and I was incredibly stressed in the lead up to my wedding. Your brother in law is seriously taking the piss!

If I'm quite honest, I wasn't really bothered about going on honeymoon straight away or for a while yet given current circumstances. But because his parents have invited themselves to stay for the week following the wedding ''in case we go on honeymoon'' I feel like I have to just to get some space!

Sounds like his mum shit stirring to me. Is she like that normally? I can't believe they're staying with you at all! Cheeky feckers couldn't get a travel lodge for their own son/brothers wedding!

Eesh after reading that about the christening I'd see this as a blessing in disguise. Let him stay away and sulk the prick.

So i was joking before but now i am being serious.
Are you definalty sure you want to marry him?
He sounds like he will always have his mother/ brothers/ anyone-but-yours side.
I say this from being with a dp the exact same. He has got better and put in boundries but i will never marry into that family. They are too dysfunctional and emotionally manipulative that every so often, dp gets sucked in for a little bit and we have minor issues.
It happens little enough for me to tolerate as his girlfriend but it would be far to ofter if i was his wife.

@DimidDavilby It wouldn't surprise me if she is shit stirring. She only really thinks about what SHE wants, and what she'll want is this as an excuse to have her family together for a week because she chose to move away so doesn't see them often. That'll be why.
For example - DP grandfather died when DD2 was not even a week old. She wanted me to go with them to the funeral, a 4.5 hour drive away, with my newborn, in December. When I said no she said ''But why not?'' she wanted it as a reason to show DD off. It took someone telling her newborns are not allowed to be in car seats for more than an hour for her to apologise to me and admit she was being selfish. I said I'm still bleeding heavily, my baby is 10 days old, its freezing outside.. why would I want to travel 4 hours to sit in a cold church when you are there to support each other? Beyond me.

@DoesThisMakeSence The thing is the majority of the major arguments we have had over the 9 years we've had together have been to do with his family. The fact we had zero arguments apart from the small bicker here and there over lockdown spoke volumes to me. I'd never tell him its me or them, I just wish he would have my back more when it came to them.

If you weren’t 9 years in with kids, I would be advising you to consider that this is a fundamental difference in values and family relationships. Neither approach is right or wrong. (Well, my approach is right but that is because it’s the way I want to live). One of the many issues my XH and I had was that he thought hosting everyone you ever met, even if they had to camp on your floor, was just what was done.

He doesnt do any house work he calls you names and blames you for everything and lets his family treat you like shit. Why are you playing maid to this man? Because thats what you are. The wedding wont mean you gain a husband it just means he gains a slave who will be legally tied to him. Have more respect for yourself. Do you want your kids to grow up thinking this is normal?? I mean you obviously do but its not. Its really not.

It was all going so well up until now. I knew they would try and do something to throw a spanner in the works and make it all go to shit, I just knew it. He's basically saying its my fault he's fallen out with his brother/his brother won't be at his own wedding.