If your child came out as an asexual, how would you feel/react?

[WellThisWentWell]

Yanbu= would love and accept them for who they are

Yabu= asexuality isin’t real, they just haven’t met the ’one’

Asexual people have relationships. They can still meet ‘the one’ in a romantic sense.

Even if you didn’t agree with them that it was a real thing surely you would still be supportive and love and accept them? Even if you don’t properly understand it doesn’t mean you can’t love them

How old is the child?

I'd wonder if they are old enough to make that decision. I certainly did t feel sexual until I was 16 and met someone I wanted to have sex with. Before that I didn't really care about boys or sex.

I think how seriously I would take it depends a bit on how old they are...! But outwardly, always option A.

first i'd question what there was about my parenting that would make them feel they needed to 'come out' to me...

then i'd go 'thats nice dear' and carry on as normal.

I’d have to google it first

Asexual doesn't always mean you do t have meaningful relationships (that is called being aromatic). My OH is asexual and we have been in a happy healthy relationship for 12 years.

I really wouldn't worry about it. Don't make a big deal of it and love your child the way you always have. They may feel differently as they get older as people's sexualities do change over time. It also may not. Either way focus on making sure your child is comfortable with themselves and don't panic about future problems that may never happen.

ftr, i know a lot of people on the Ace spectrum.. some of whom are in very happy platonic relationships.

I was 23 before I was ready for any kind of relationship/sex, my sons sexuality is irrelevant to me as it is none of my business and I genuinely find the idea of caring about it same as what kind of milk he buys when he leaves home.

His sexuality is not him it is one of a million parts to him

So I have no answer as I have no opinion on it

Sexuality doesn't matter. Happiness does, wherever they find it.

@TinySongstress

Sexuality doesn't matter. Happiness does, wherever they find it.

This.

I don’t even understand why this would be an issue, not in a bigoted way, just at all?

Say ok and mind my bysiness

Wouldn't bat an eyelid, that's up to them. I don't have a habit of invalidating other people's feelings about their sexuality though - I also wouldn't tell a lesbian friend they hadn't met the right man yet.

It's very much a thing. And it's damaging to asexual people to force views about not having found the one, onto them. Several asexual people I've known felt they had to make themselves go through certain sexual rites, so to speak, because surely at some point they would 'wake up' and feel something, that their worth was only enough if they had sex. It's so sad. There's more to life than sex and sexual relationships, some people are perfectly happy without it.

My DD will receive my love no matter what. It’s not something I can personally understand (in the same way I don’t personally understand people being gay or bisexual because I’m not) but that doesn’t mean I don’t think it exists. I also don’t understand how people can like driving around in a Nissan Cube because that’s not my personal preference. Doesn’t make their choice any less valid than mine.

I would probably react in the same way I reacted when my sister came out as gay at 18 (I was 15). I cried because I was scared of how other people would react and I was worried they would treat her differently because of it. I wasn’t upset that my sister was gay because she was still the same sister I had before and I love her. She has had girlfriends in the past but now has a long term male partner. She’s still the same sister I’ve always had. I really don’t care if she’s in a relationship with a man or a woman as long as she’s happy.

It's a weird one because most sexualities describe WHO you're having sex with, not what you enjoy or how often. I'm not entirely sure about conflating the two. (I get that telling people you are demisexual serves the purpose of ensuring they know you only get aroused with people you are intimate with personally, but that applies to lots of people who don't put a label on it)

I'd probably be relieved if a young teen said that on the grounds that it would keep them out of trouble. I'd probably try to read up on the finer points and leave them to it, supporting them with resources.

I hope to never find out how much any child of mine has sex

Asexuality absolutely is real. Pretending otherwise is like claiming elephants don’t exist. Regardless of anyone’s opinions, as a matter of fact they do.

So I wouldn’t question the validity of my child’s sexual orientation. I would reassure them that regardless of their orientation I love them and support them and recognise the validity of their experience. I would ask if there was any way in particular I could best show my support. And going forward, I would commit to keeping myself educated and informed about asexuality.

Well, is your child 13 or 33? Our answers may be different!

I think it's a shame we know so much about each other's inner lives. It must feel terribly pressured to have to work out what you are, and perhaps even announce it. What if you aren't sure, or it changes over time?

I think we need to stop assuming everyone is like us. Then no one needs to 'come out'. We can all quietly get on with our lives, finding joy in relationships as we go.

@picklemewalnuts

I think it's a shame we know so much about each other's inner lives. It must feel terribly pressured to have to work out what you are, and perhaps even announce it. What if you aren't sure, or it changes over time?

I think we need to stop assuming everyone is like us. Then no one needs to 'come out'. We can all quietly get on with our lives, finding joy in relationships as we go.

I think this goes for all sorts of things.

All the best people I know understand and appreciate different kinds of people. All the worst ones assume everyone is like them.

Half the threads on AIBU would vanish if most people had even a basic appreciation that other people are different and that doesn't hurt you. It goes for everything from sexuality to introversion to how often you wash your towels.

@user1473878824

I don’t even understand why this would be an issue, not in a bigoted way, just at all?

Many parents would be sad to feel they had no chance of becoming grandparents, especially if they have only one child.

I think it's a shame we know so much about each other's inner lives. It must feel terribly pressured to have to work out what you are, and perhaps even announce it. What if you aren't sure, or it changes over time?

I think we need to stop assuming everyone is like us. Then no one needs to 'come out'. We can all quietly get on with our lives, finding joy in relationships as we go.

This kind of attitude is well meaning but actually quite unhelpful to people who aren’t straight. It would of course be lovely if people never made assumptions about one another and didn’t automatically expect someone to be straight or have sexual relationships etc, but the reality is people do make these assumptions, constantly. And people who don’t fit these assumptions often face being treated as strange or unusual.

People feel the need to come out because if they don’t, inaccurate and sometimes harmful assumptions are made about them. That’s the world that we live in. It’s not the fault of the person coming out that they feel compelled to do so in order to overcome the assumptions of others.

I would get over myself and not even think twice about it

If wonder why on earth they found it necessary to tell me that.