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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my sister is being an idiot?

745 replies

Rainbowsandpotsofgold · 11/09/2020 18:06

Ok so my darling sister (29) is pregnant with her 1st baby after trying for 2 years. Shes decided she wants an elective c section ...no medical reason...she does suffer with fibromyalgia but so do me and my mum (2 natural births each).

Shes made this decision based on
A) She's afraid of a long labour ( I was 15 having my eldest while living at home, was in slow labour for 5 days and 17hours active labour but my daughter was born stargazing which wasnt picked up until she was coming out)
B) She doesn't want to tear ( no idea where this fear has come from 🤷‍♀️)

My argument is that...

  1. Recovery from surgery can take longer for fibro sufferers
  2. Anaesthetic/ epidurals don't work as well on us either
  3. She lives 30 miles away from us, near her husband's family and knowing my sister, she will expect us ( our mum at least) to be there every day ( mum has fibro, ms and 2 Foster kids of school age plus my elderly grandparents who we both care for)
  4. With all the uncertainty regarding covid, she will possibly be in hospital alone for a few days after the birth
  5. After trying for so long I dont understand why she wouldn't at least want to try a natural birth?

She's a nightmare to try and talk to and once she's made a decision (even bad ones) she wont change her mind (typically baby of the family syndrome - brat)

Just to add...I will be showing her the replies as she is refusing to listen to me, my mum or my gran (who has had a natural birth and a c section...50 years ago but I dont think the basics have changed)

AIBU to think shes being an utter idiot in thinking a c section is the 'easiest' (her words) option?

OP posts:
chipsandpeas · 11/09/2020 18:07

her birth her choice

MomToTwoBabas · 11/09/2020 18:09

Yes she is being an idiot. Leave her to it though let her be in agony for ages after a c section not being able to pick up her own baby. She wont do it again.

anuffername · 11/09/2020 18:10

Yes you are. It's up to her.

BarcelonaBetty · 11/09/2020 18:10

Why do you need an argument? It is her birth not yours

Drowninginwashing · 11/09/2020 18:10

Yaba. Her right and her choice. Has she asked you to make the decision for her? Did she harrass you about your birth choices?

I had an emergency c section after a failed induction. Wish to god I had gone straight to c section.

hulahoopqueen · 11/09/2020 18:10

It's totally her choice to have the birth she believes will be best for her. You need to firmly tell her you can only do a certain amount because of your existing commitments, and I would encourage your mum to do the same

CatsGoPurrrr · 11/09/2020 18:12

It really isn’t any of your business.

Stop trying to bully her into choosing how you would.

Like a PP I had Ann emergency c section after a failed induction. My D.C. was transverse and had no chance of being born naturally. Wish I’d gone straight for a section as well.

Original poster
Rainbowsandpotsofgold · 11/09/2020 18:13

@BarcelonaBetty

Why do you need an argument? It is her birth not yours
There is no argument, we just want what's best for her. Once her husband goes back to work after the birth she will be pretty much on her own and, knowing what she's like, that will be much harder for her than she has realized
OP posts:
BigBlondeBimbo · 11/09/2020 18:13

Having done both a tricky VB and a straightforward ELCS, I wouldn't say she is being an idiot per se, but it isn't what I would choose. Give me the tricky VB any day and the recovery from it too please! But, not your problem, not your business.

If you can't or don't want to help out as much as she would like, then obviously you don't have to.

gubbbbbddaaaa · 11/09/2020 18:14

Can you just 'have' a c section nowadays?

eeyore228 · 11/09/2020 18:14

She needs to make her own decisions but can’t expect the rest of her family to help pick up the slack. I had an emergency C-Section and for me it was awful and I struggled a lot with the pain and looking after a newborn, the fact she describes it as easy is ridiculous though.

Takingontheworld · 11/09/2020 18:14

Couldn't even read your whole post. This is so SO not even anything remotely to do with you that its ridiculous. Calling any woman an idiot for exercising the right to birth how she chooses is vile.

Original poster
Rainbowsandpotsofgold · 11/09/2020 18:14

No bullying involved at all, we are just trying to get her to see both sides of the situation.
Shes my baby sister and I'm sorry but I dont want to see her suffering through weeks of unnecessary recovery if she can have a natural birth

OP posts:
ameliajoan · 11/09/2020 18:15

YABU. You don’t get a side of the argument; this isn’t your birth. It’s absolutely nothing to do with you.

As long as she is listening to the medical professionals surrounding her you and your mum should keep your opinions to yourself.

RoxanneMonke · 11/09/2020 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BarcelonaBetty · 11/09/2020 18:15

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold you were the one that listed the points for "my argument is"

KavvLar · 11/09/2020 18:16

Yes, her birth her choice.

No a c section is not an easy option. I doubt anyone will tell her that.

You and your DM have the choice about the extent you want to assist your DSIS after the birth. Doesn’t matter what she expects, that’s neither here nor there. It’s what you and DM choose to offer that is important here.

If the help you can offer is less than she expects for a C section recovery then that is the conversation to be had. She will need to make arrangements if that’s her choice.

Aquamarine1029 · 11/09/2020 18:16

No one's opinion matters but hers. Perhaps you should mind your own business and keep your mouth shut.

FelicityPike · 11/09/2020 18:16

Keep your views to yourself because this is NOTHING to do with you!!

Todaywewilldobetter · 11/09/2020 18:16

Why do you need an argument? Not your body.

Echobelly · 11/09/2020 18:17

Up. To. Her.

C section is neither the easiest choice, nor necessarily that hard. I had to have two and I'm fine with that and TBH they were pretty easy and great, and it wasn't the case, as is often described as though it's a certainty, that I had to stay in bed and couldn't lift anything for weeks and weeks. I could do everything I needed to do, even when I had a newborn and a toddler. Caveat: I did have a very good experience, good obstetricians and no complications with my scars, but that is not the case for everyone.

Your sis' reasons aren't great, but 'natural birth' doesn't have to be put on a pedestal and it is her choice.

Original poster
Rainbowsandpotsofgold · 11/09/2020 18:17

This is what we are trying to get through to her....a c section isn't the easy option. It may seem it now but the recovery from it will be hard for her.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 11/09/2020 18:18

Her body her choice. You can have your opinion on her choice, but she doesn't have to be swayed by it.

The only matter on which I think you have a point is

"She lives 30 miles away from us, near her husband's family and knowing my sister, she will expect us ( our mum at least) to be there every day ( mum has fibro, ms and 2 Foster kids of school age plus my elderly grandparents who we both care for)"

It would be unreasonable for her to expect your mother to dance attendance on her. Your mother has more commitments than most, and your sister has her husband's family to assist her.

Pinkmakeupbag · 11/09/2020 18:18

Wow, just wow.

I don't usually reply like this but honestly op you sound like a brat.

This is absolutely nothing to do with you. You sound like a nightmare.

Let your sister make her own decisions.

Indoctro · 11/09/2020 18:18

C section is statistically much safer than a VB so she isn't being stupid at all.

That's why in other countries they are standard but because it's cheaper in the uk to do VB a c section is offered as a option. If she is allowed to have one I'd say she is doing the right thing by having one. Hindsight is a wonderfully thing and if you new for sure your VB was going to be straightforward great, but lots go horribly wrong and the risks are a lot higher to mum and baby.