AIBU to think my sister is being an idiot?

[Rainbowsandpotsofgold]

Ok so my darling sister (29) is pregnant with her 1st baby after trying for 2 years. Shes decided she wants an elective c section ...no medical reason...she does suffer with fibromyalgia but so do me and my mum (2 natural births each).

Shes made this decision based on
A) She's afraid of a long labour ( I was 15 having my eldest while living at home, was in slow labour for 5 days and 17hours active labour but my daughter was born stargazing which wasnt picked up until she was coming out)
B) She doesn't want to tear ( no idea where this fear has come from 🤷‍♀️)

My argument is that...

1. Recovery from surgery can take longer for fibro sufferers
2. Anaesthetic/ epidurals don't work as well on us either
3. She lives 30 miles away from us, near her husband's family and knowing my sister, she will expect us ( our mum at least) to be there every day ( mum has fibro, ms and 2 Foster kids of school age plus my elderly grandparents who we both care for)
4. With all the uncertainty regarding covid, she will possibly be in hospital alone for a few days after the birth
5. After trying for so long I dont understand why she wouldn't at least want to try a natural birth?

She's a nightmare to try and talk to and once she's made a decision (even bad ones) she wont change her mind (typically baby of the family syndrome - brat)

Just to add...I will be showing her the replies as she is refusing to listen to me, my mum or my gran (who has had a natural birth and a c section...50 years ago but I dont think the basics have changed)

AIBU to think shes being an utter idiot in thinking a c section is the 'easiest' (her words) option?

Not your business. You sound very patronising. I think you still see her as your baby sister and not an adult with her own mind.

The only input you should have concerns how much, if any, help you will give after the birth

I didn't even consider Csection for all the reasons you mention.

I tore badly and needed stitches and I was in a lot of pain. Couldn't even get out of bed the first day and I wasn't expected to since they left the catheter in.

I had to stay in hospital for 4 days anyways because things went wrong with DD.

I was in pain and struggled to walk and pick up DD.

My stitches got badly infected.

Things can go tits up regardless, but at least this choice gives her comfort and peace of mind. It's what she wants and makes her feel "safer" and more prepared. Why wouldn't you want that for your sister?

Not your call! At all!

If you care for her as much as you say, offer your support for the birth she has decided on.

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold

How is major abdominal surgery better and safer than something a woman's body is actually made to do?

Just because women’s bodies are meant to do it doesn’t make it not risky - without medical interventions including c section many more women and babies would die in childbirth then already do, including in the U.K. The risk of infant mortality in birth is lower in c sections than a vaginal birth.

You are not being unreasonable to encourage her to look at the risks of both vaginal births and c sections, her surgeon will have to go through this with her too for informed consent, but ultimately it’s her body her choice. My first was an emcs and I fought hard to get a vbac for my second baby. although I had an elcs booked if I went past a certain date but a c section would never be my first choice.

Its her choice.

Have you ever thought your experience at 15 may have had some influence on her decision?

If you cant read the whole post what right have you got to call me vile for trying to prevent her unnecessary pain and recovery time.... as I said , she has fibromyalgia and from experience with epidurals and anaesthetic, as well as case studies, they dont work as well and our recovery time is longer....and as shes MY baby sister, if I want to call her an idiot for making a choice that may negatively impact her life...I will

YABVU. Very sensible decision of your DSis.
I was an idiot who believed all the NCT crap about how I could control my body in child birth & have a a wonderful experience. I ended up with a 26 hour labour and horrendous tearing. 4 years later it still hasn’t been fully sorted out. Had my 2nd DD by elective section and it was a breeze. Out of hospital within 22 hours, couple of paracetamol for a few days then basically back to normal.
Your dsis has made the right decision.
If you can’t support her then stay out of her life for the rest of her pregnancy.

It's really not anything to do with you...
Let her decide for herself.

@CloudPop

I had a very difficult vb and a very straightforward caesarean (as a result of what horned the first time). I have to say, I'd take the caesarean any time. A straightforward vb is obviously preferable, but who knows what you are going to get. I recovered way quicker from the caesarean than the vb. I'm afraid I have some sympathy with her. Although I didn't know you could just choose to have an elective C

Exactly this for me. VB recovery hellish with reparative surgery. Elective but mandated C section recovery much easier.

Fucking hell, you are obnoxious.

We just want what's best for her

You sound hugely over-involved. Regardless of whether it's an 'easy' recovery or not, it's up to HER. Her body = her choice.

Incidentally, your glib comment about a woman's body being made to do this, overlooks the fact that many women end up with c-sections because they cannot birth vaginally. My sister has had two vaginal births and a c-section - and she said the section was the easiest to recover from.

Why don't you leave your sister, a grown adult, to make her own choices. She's not a child and it's none of your business.

I had a supposedly straightforward vaginal birth and I had a massive post-partum haemorrhage, very itchy episiotomy, and piles for months. A vaginal birth isn't the easier option either.

And yes, it is nob all to do with you unless she is moving in with you for 6 weeks recovery.

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold

How is major abdominal surgery better and safer than something a woman's body is actually made to do?

My friend had a vb, she was 41 weeks, healthy, baby all fine etc

Baby got into difficulty and died during childbirth. Imagine how much she regretted not having a section

I'm sure your sister is capable of doing her own research. It's her decision to make FFS not yours

@Igotmyholiday

The only input you should have concerns how much, if any, help you will give after the birth

100%. I'm glad you're not my sister. I'd no longer be speaking to you. This is none of your business and you are completely out of order with any 'gentle' arguments or anything of the sort. Just so far out of line it's stunning. She knows what is best for her body, not you and she doesn't need you to 'protect' her, she's a grown woman who is making this decision with the medical professionals dealing with her.

You're utterly shocking.

I’m sure her midwives will go through the whole thing with her and make sure she’s informed. She will base her decision on that. You don’t really have to get involved.

Yabu. You do sound rather argumentative, confrontational, insulting and aggressive even. Why does she have to do things your way? Why would what happened to you dictate what she does?
You may have her best interests at heart (though I'm not sure- it sounds like there's a whole childhood back story here) but that doesn't make you right.

Oh FGS it’s up to her. You sound controlling. How do you even know if you never had a c-section? You can’t compare. And yes... maybe she doesn’t want to tear and is concerned about the aesthetics of her undercarriage and that is okay! Mind your own business.

I found the recovery from my VBAC and episiotomy far worse than my elective section.

Also, none of your business.

Stop calling a 29 year old woman your baby sister fgs.

This is one of the most horrible, ridiculous, pathetic posts I've ever read on mumsnet.

Op you are the only brat around here. Stomping your feet because your sister won't do what you want her to do.

Any birth can go tits up, no one knows. She can make her own choice with the support of medical professionals.

So let’s say your sister takes your advice and tries for a ‘natural’ birth but then has complications and needs an C section...then what? Your reasonings and scaremongering are going to be ringing in her ears as she’s pushed to surgery! Terrified of what’s to come because you and your family are forcing your options on her.

You get no say. If she asks for your advice, share your experiences but do not tell her what she should do. At the end of the day, often these decisions are taken out of our hands and things don’t go to plan. She should be comfortable with all the choices then in front of her. Child birth can be a scary prospect for many; how she deals with her fears is down to her. I just hope she’s got a good support network around her after as I feel you’ll just be telling her ‘I told you so’.

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold

How is major abdominal surgery better and safer than something a woman's body is actually made to do?

OP - this is a very telling statement.

My niece has just had what was called an elective C section (even though medical reasons triggered it) and has sailed through recovery.

She felt judged about having It in the first place - Your comment is blinkered and judgemental.

and as shes MY baby sister, if I want to call her an idiot for making a choice that may negatively impact her life...I will

She's not a baby, she's an adult. And it's not up to you to decide on what she does or doesn't do.

I look forward to seeing your sister post on here asking for advice on how to deal with a bossy and interfering sibling who refuses to keep their beak out.

Her choice her consequences (the family can't be up and down the motorway daily) make that clear to her and ensure she puts the local paternal family on notice.

Christ.

Agree with a PP. Thank fuck you're not my sister. Just because she's your 'baby sister' doesn't give you any right to call her an idiot.

If you're not going to be supportive how about keeping your opinions to yourself and leave her to it?