AIBU to think my sister is being an idiot?

[Rainbowsandpotsofgold]

Ok so my darling sister (29) is pregnant with her 1st baby after trying for 2 years. Shes decided she wants an elective c section ...no medical reason...she does suffer with fibromyalgia but so do me and my mum (2 natural births each).

Shes made this decision based on
A) She's afraid of a long labour ( I was 15 having my eldest while living at home, was in slow labour for 5 days and 17hours active labour but my daughter was born stargazing which wasnt picked up until she was coming out)
B) She doesn't want to tear ( no idea where this fear has come from 🤷‍♀️)

My argument is that...

1. Recovery from surgery can take longer for fibro sufferers
2. Anaesthetic/ epidurals don't work as well on us either
3. She lives 30 miles away from us, near her husband's family and knowing my sister, she will expect us ( our mum at least) to be there every day ( mum has fibro, ms and 2 Foster kids of school age plus my elderly grandparents who we both care for)
4. With all the uncertainty regarding covid, she will possibly be in hospital alone for a few days after the birth
5. After trying for so long I dont understand why she wouldn't at least want to try a natural birth?

She's a nightmare to try and talk to and once she's made a decision (even bad ones) she wont change her mind (typically baby of the family syndrome - brat)

Just to add...I will be showing her the replies as she is refusing to listen to me, my mum or my gran (who has had a natural birth and a c section...50 years ago but I dont think the basics have changed)

AIBU to think shes being an utter idiot in thinking a c section is the 'easiest' (her words) option?

I'm surprised it's been agreed to considering she seems to have no good reason to need one.

YABU I had an Elective maternal request I absolutely love telling the judgy crew just to see their reaction, priceless. Will be having my second now xmas time. My body my choice why risk birth injury when you don't have to.

You are being a judgy ignorant birth evangelicalist.

A planned c-section can be - depending on your age, physical health and mental health be safer than opting for a natural birth (which includes the risk of ending up with an emergency c-section).

On top of that its not of your fucking business. Its an informed decision to be made by her and her doctors which they would be reluctant to do if it was significantly risky for her circumstances.

Wind you neck in, learn about the psychological aspect of a decision like this and be supportive of a woman's ability and right to make a decision about her own body.

Hth.

And have a for good measure whilst you are at it.

What about potential years of recovery and pain from a vaginal birth resulting in prolapse, incontinence etc etc? All you need to do is tell her how much help you are willing/not willing to give her afterwards and stick to it, otherwise it's her choice.

It's her body. Mind your own business. And you sound very judgemental and mean.

To be honest, it isn’t really any of your business and it’s unkind to call your sister an idiot for choosing the birth she wants.

Her baby, her body, her choice.

I also think unless you’ve experienced a c-section, it’s hard to get your head around the recovery. I’ve had an easy vaginal birth, a highly complicated one and an elcs. The elcs was a much better recovery than the highly complicated vaginal birth.

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold

How is major abdominal surgery better and safer than something a woman's body is actually made to do?

Yes, that's why in countries with poor maternal healthcare, so many women bloody die having children. A woman's body is for the most part actually made to walk on two legs. This was a more advantageous evolutionary accommodation to human beings, the trade off being we give birth to very immature offspring and a number of women die doing so. Compare and contrast this with our closest fellow great ape, the chimpanzee, the female of which has a much longer pelvis as they mostly knuckle walk; she can therefore carry and birth offspring better and her offspring are a bit less defenseless.

No birth route is 'easy'. YABVU. She chooses how SHE wants to give birth and as a sister, you support that decision despite how you feel. She will be advised by medics about the pros and cons. Nothing worse than someone trying to tell you they know best, when they don't.

I think anyone who thinks a C-section is easy is seriously deluded. I've had two and they were absolutely horrific. Not so much the surgery, more that you are expected to recover from major surgery without the pain relief that you would get if you were anywhere else in a hospital other than the maternity ward. Two paracetamol and 'you've just had a baby, you're not ill you know' does not help when you have been cut open and had your insides pulled around. The way you are treated is barbaric. My cat got better pain relief after being neutered than I did after my C sections.

But I also believe in her body her choice.

You don't seem capable of hearing your sister or 90% of the responses here. However well intention ed you may be, you are a bully. Back right off. Her body, birth and decision. Be supportive rather than a judgmental arse.

This isn't your business. Regardless of if you believe a VB is better for her, it is not your decision to make. If you are really worried that she will struggle after can't you support her then? It's not your body, not your birth, not your decision

YABVU for trying to control her. You have your opinion. Keep it to yourself. Her birth. Her choice. And no doubt you will really enjoy telling her I told you so afterwards so if she is suffering she won't share it with you

MYOB! You sound controlling and overpowering

Not your business.

The only person I know who went for an elective C-section was a nurse working in paediatric Intensive Care. She saw all the things that went wrong and weighed her options based on that.

I have had only natural births, but had I called her an idiot I would have been wholly wrong.

There is not right or wrong here, because each individual case is different. She might heal quickly from a c-section, she might not. She might sail through a VB, she might not.

I’ve always taken the view that if I were to persuade someone to do what I did, and something went wrong, I would never forgive myself. So best to let people make up their own minds. I had no input in my sisters’ births - one had c-sections one didn’t - nor should I have. Mind your own business.

What a vile post. It is none of your business.

I’ve had 2 emergency sections and the had a planned one. Recovered much quicker from the planned one.

I've had an 1. EMCS, 2. traumatic VBAC followed by blood transfusion and long recovery and 3. an ELCS. The last ELCS was the quickest recovery and the best experience. Yes it might be different for your sister but you don't know that. She will blame you if you pressurise her and that choice doesn't turn out well. Leave her to it.

Her choice, I had two c- sections. When planned they aren't that bad. Would never choose a natural birth, my c sections were fab! Felt so much more in control which reduced my anxiety. Recovery from a planned c section isn't that bad at all.

Op just wants what's best for her DSis, what's so bad about that?

I've had 3 normal births and one emergency c-section - my god, I would choose a tricky vaginal birth any day over the section. The recovery is very very long - I couldn't do anything for weeks and weeks after, it was bloody dreadful. I remember trying to tidy my DD's room a couple of months after and having to sit on the floor to do it.

You can only advice her OP, at the end of the day it's her choice although I think there should be a bloody good reason for it, not just because she doesn't fancy giving birth the normal way.

But this is mn and you will get torn to pieces here no matter what you do maybe try asking on the other place that we dare not speak of

You’ve given her your opinion, now you must leave her alone. She is an adult and you risk being patronising and overbearing. Medical staff and your sister can and will decide what’s going to happen and you need to stay out of it.

Your responsibility is to give advice only if asked.

@Carouselfish

What about potential years of recovery and pain from a vaginal birth resulting in prolapse, incontinence etc etc? All you need to do is tell her how much help you are willing/not willing to give her afterwards and stick to it, otherwise it's her choice.

Very true.

Although what's the betting that the OP's offer of help would be contingent on being able to lecture her sister about how she should have done what she was told and had a vaginal birth...

People have to make their own choices based off of why they feel is best for them. Shaming women for something like this is pretty disgusting imo

Do you know what the recovery is like after a c section. It's actually not that bad and fine when lifting a newborn. Not so easy with a toddler and a newborn. I was put of hospital 28 hours after the birth and was walking up and down stairs the next day.

@Takingontheworld

Couldn't even read your whole post. This is so SO not even anything remotely to do with you that its ridiculous. Calling any woman an idiot for exercising the right to birth how she chooses is vile.

This

This is the most sanctimonious, judgy post have read in a while-- leave her alone! Your constant post of 'we think' 'we say' is awful. Were you this judged and overshadowed at your first birth? Am assuming as you say you were only 15 and living at home your parents helped you? Whys this help not forthcoming to her?