AIBU to think my sister is being an idiot?

[Rainbowsandpotsofgold]

Ok so my darling sister (29) is pregnant with her 1st baby after trying for 2 years. Shes decided she wants an elective c section ...no medical reason...she does suffer with fibromyalgia but so do me and my mum (2 natural births each).

Shes made this decision based on
A) She's afraid of a long labour ( I was 15 having my eldest while living at home, was in slow labour for 5 days and 17hours active labour but my daughter was born stargazing which wasnt picked up until she was coming out)
B) She doesn't want to tear ( no idea where this fear has come from 🤷‍♀️)

My argument is that...

1. Recovery from surgery can take longer for fibro sufferers
2. Anaesthetic/ epidurals don't work as well on us either
3. She lives 30 miles away from us, near her husband's family and knowing my sister, she will expect us ( our mum at least) to be there every day ( mum has fibro, ms and 2 Foster kids of school age plus my elderly grandparents who we both care for)
4. With all the uncertainty regarding covid, she will possibly be in hospital alone for a few days after the birth
5. After trying for so long I dont understand why she wouldn't at least want to try a natural birth?

She's a nightmare to try and talk to and once she's made a decision (even bad ones) she wont change her mind (typically baby of the family syndrome - brat)

Just to add...I will be showing her the replies as she is refusing to listen to me, my mum or my gran (who has had a natural birth and a c section...50 years ago but I dont think the basics have changed)

AIBU to think shes being an utter idiot in thinking a c section is the 'easiest' (her words) option?

I've got fibro and have had a c section, any time fibro flairs it makes my section hurt.

YABVVU. You ARE being judgemental, controlling and quite dismissive of your sister's opinion and choice. You have been summarily told by the forum of mumsnet so you need to take that on board and realise that your current approach is wrong. Try and knock it on the head NOW, and be the supportive lovely person that your sister needs from you right now.

@Hedgehog44

I'm surprised it's been agreed to considering she seems to have no good reason to need one.

'I don't want a vaginal birth' is a reason, and a perfectly valid one .

I doubt you'll be showing this thread to her now!

Her body, her choice. Its not for you to tell her what's better for her. I was and still am of the same mind. Elective c was the best choice for me for several reasons.

You say there’s no bullying involved, well actually there is. You are trying to push your choice of how she should give birth onto her

Having a conversation once and putting forward your thoughts is fine, it’s then up to her if she listens or not

‘Trying to get through to her’ indicates numerous conversations telling her why she should not have a section, that’s bullying her, it indicates you are not supportive of her choice, because her choice is wrong

It’s her body, her baby, her choice, you have no idea what her recovery will or won’t be like, , everyone is different. Leave it be and just support her decision or if you can’t do that dont discuss it again

You are right in that getting over a CS is not at all pleasant and takes a long time. But you sound really nasty and judgey about your sister so I have voted YABU.

My argument
I want
My baby sister
We dont

You all sound like a nightmare and need to understand it is not about you. She will get the relevant advice and risks from her consultant and will make her decision for her baby.

VB cheaper (supposedly ) than ECC. That’s why I believe it’s considered the best option.
At our NCT class the leader said if we needed medical intervention we had failed as a real woman.
We as a Western country need to stop telling woman that because VB is natural and other women ‘do it in fields or in bushes’ we should crack on with it. You are peddling an opinion that is misogynistic because a VB is historically more convenient to Male HCPs because Midwives tend to be women so can ‘sort other women out’.
Would you get your sister to chew on willow bark because it’s more natural than taking aspirin? Should she eat mouldy bread if she needs penicillin because it’s more natural?
Why should you dictate to her how she utilises modern medicine and healthcare when she is not exploiting the NHS?
I bet you aren’t her sister. I’d lay money on you being SIL and don’t believe in her diagnosis of FM.

She might be your little sister but she is a grown adult with capacity. You might not agree with her decisions but they are hers to make unless she has asked you for your opinions/advice etc.

For everyone every birth is different. What one woman finds easier or harder to go through and recover from isn’t the same as another woman’s after the same experience. Everyone is coming at it with a different pain threshold, risk level, concerns and mindset.

When you say you think she is being an idiot I think what you mean is she isn’t agreeing with you and going along with what you are telling her to do.

It has influenced her decision but she has forgotten that I was home the next day and back in school after 6 weeks....I had a horrific time, failed epidural, episiotomy and forceps delivery.
My best friend had an elective c section that went perfectly (crohn's disease so wasnt allowed to even go into labour) and shes said she wouldn't want another section as she was useless for 8 weeks after (no issues at all with recovery) she felt so isolated and she lives literally 5 mins away from her mum and MIL and has our group of friends within a 10 min drive (5 of us bffs for 20+ years and one of us was there every day for 6 weeks) I dont want her to feel like that...she doesn't really get on with her husbands family so wouldn't want them there while she recovers

Her body her birth her choice! No need for you to voice your opinion

You can show her my reply.
I had an Elective C Section. No reason at all. Didn’t fancy vaginal birth. Didn’t fancy the pain, or the fact that there wouldn’t be a doctor in the room. And the fact that many midwives encourage gas and air only or tell you you’re too late for an epidural. I didn’t feel like going 14 days overdue, being induced, being in labour for days on end and ending up with an emergency c section. The worst of all worlds.
Well, an ELCS was absolutely wonderful. A truly amazing experience. Had my due date months in advance, consultant led pregnancy so lots of extra scans etc. 7+ medical professionals in the room. No main to speak of and a simple recovery. I was back playing sport 2 months later.
I can’t recommend it more highly.
Icing in the cake: my “bits” are intact.
If she wants any info, she can PM me and I can tell her the hoops she needs to go through to get an ELCS on the NHS.

YABU. Not your business and a c section is a valid choice if that’s what she prefers (I bloody loved mine)

Yes. Her body, her choice. I would hope you will support her over this otherwise I fear your relationship may suffer.

And to be frank if you were my sister I would be having a long hard think about if I wanted you in my life, no support just judgement and being talked down to is not what a nice sister does

This isn't about you. You had a baby underage so maybe felt you needed everybody's opinion. Your sister is a grown woman of 29 and can make up her own mind as to what is best for her.

Your a opinionated twat. Her body, her choice. She might have other reasons.

Stop being such a cow and support your sister’s decision.

@Rainbowsandpotsofgold

If you cant read the whole post what right have you got to call me vile for trying to prevent her unnecessary pain and recovery time.... as I said , she has fibromyalgia and from experience with epidurals and anaesthetic, as well as case studies, they dont work as well and our recovery time is longer....and as shes MY baby sister, if I want to call her an idiot for making a choice that may negatively impact her life...I will

What you seem unable to understand is that she could end up with all that AND not having the birth she wanted.

All because your what ifs and what you think is right is more important than her wishes and her choices over her own body.

I’d say you should butt out ??
You risk her digging her heels in and not being able
To consider her options properly because you are attempting to dictate ??

Also having a C-section does not mean you cant bf. Also her choice.

It has influenced her decision but she has forgotten that I was home the next day and back in school after 6 weeks oh my days- it's not a bloody competition! Unless you feel it is? Is she the first sibling to have another child? Are you annoyed at this and still feel a need to make it about you?

Wow-she is an idiot and a brat? Or is that only when she won´t do what you think she should?

I was so terrified of giving birth that I thought about asking for a cs.

Although I was also terrified of an epidural, ga or surgery, so for me a vaginal birth was the least bad of only bad options!