To have failed to prevent DC entering someone else's house uninvited?

[LavenderWashes]

DS is almost 3, ASD suspected. He doesn't really respond to his name, let alone a simple sentence such as 'come here please' or 'get your shoes'.

I was locking the front door when he dashed to a neighbours house! I think he was attracted to the door because it's red and my mum's similar house door holds a swimming pool behind

I was a bit annoyed with myself as I ran to collect him from the door, but before I could get there in time the woman shouted ''I'M SELF ISOLATING FOR FUCK SAKE''.

I was mortified, but my brain got stuck. I didn't know if to run after DS into the house or hope and pray he would respond to my pleas for him to come here.

He did on the second desperate attempt, follow my request and came to the door, when I grabbed him. I said '' I'm so so sorry!'' and left.

AIBU to have not prevented this? Am I right in thinking it wasn't really my fault :( He's never tried that sort of thing before.

Told my Mum who said to put a note through the door and apologise that way, so she can digest my words calmy

This absolutely is your fault and you need to do better. No ones saying it isn’t hard but you’re minimising a really dangerous situation

I think that's really unfair. Not because he is hard work. But because the risk assessment I did mentally was reasonable and in line for exactly how he is (or was before running into someone's house!). He never goes near strangers and is usually very cautious around new environments, so the fact he ran in was a shock to the system because he actively avoided that sort of thing before. In addition to that, there were no other dangers beyond a few slim trees he could hide behind. So unless a very slender child catcher came about, he would be fine. Nowhere else for him to go. All other neighbours have gates anyway, apart from one other house but he doesn't live there most of the year. It's also an area with less than 5 houses nearby. No road. Nothing. I really couldn't have predicted he would've done what he did

Hi OP. Have a look at Houdini harnesses. Or Maclaren Major buggies. Also possibly secure the reins as tight as possible as there's associations with weight/pressure as in weighted blankets. Good luck!

My lb is same age and also awaiting assessment for asd. It’s tough going-I also have 4 year old and 6 month old-my hands are most definitely full! It’s not ideal what happened but as others have said perhaps reins might be good idea-I keep ours in car and also use double buggy - it used to worry me that people stared but I couldn’t give a damn these days! Totally empathise with what you are going through x hugs x

There are some nasty people. No mum is perfect and it’s even harder when your child may have a hidden disability. Don’t beat yourself up. You’re now aware your ds may run off when he spots something interesting so you’ll adapt to that. Good luck - he sounds like a fun little boy

[quote PablosHoney]@PastaAndPizzaPlease you nasty bastard.[/quote]
But she's right though

I hope you teach him to swim asap.

PastaandPizza absolutely does have a point, however little some people want to hear it.

That won't work for DS because he can't understand simple sentences or words, like 'get me your cup' etc. He has no idea unfortunately sad I so wish I could do lovely things like this with him x
Sorry, I don’t really know what else to suggest - but you are doing your best and I know you’ll keep trying so sending wishes that you figure something out and things get easier for you soon xx

Really weird responses here. Please please don’t beat yourself up - every parent has those days where unpredictable stuff happens, and your gig is tougher than many of us.

Your neighbour was shocked and over-reacted. Nice note through the door and then forget about it. This is not the thing to lie awake worrying about!

Good luck and you sound like you are doing a v good job!

Some people on here need to do better at being a human. Christ! The OP did her best and shit happens.

I wouldn't be hard on you if I was the neighbour, Op but please don't be hard on her or yell at her for having the door unlocked or being self isolating. If it was me I would be terrified that you would start having a go at me for not having locked the door, or for being self-isolating - I might be scared you would yell at me for putting your child at risk.
This is based on past behaviour from parents of small children in public places. Some people swear a lot when frightened.

What if he’d run into a house with a dog who didn’t take it well and attacked him?

But he didn't so the what-if is pointless.

This absolutely is your fault and you need to do better.

Yes, how dare the OP not predict that her son would act in a way in which he has never acted before now. Please do better to develop your psychic powers, OP.

Really you should isolate him for 14 days to be on the safe side

No she doesn't. Being in the house fleetingly is not classed as close contact. Public Health states that close contact is a period of 15+ minutes at less than 2m from an infected person or face to face contact within 2m. If the child had neither of those with the neighbour and the neighbour is not symptomatic or confirmed positive then there is no need for OP and her son to self-isolate.

I understand things must be very hard for you, but that doesn’t change that you’re responsible for your son.

She didn't say she wasn't and now she knows he has bolted once she can plan and prepare to lower the chances of it happening again.

It sounds really hard work and obviously you didn’t predict this but I do think a note to say sorry it happened is the right way to go. Your neighbour has every right to have her door open without expecting anyone to run in and it must have been a real shock for her. It’s not so much the Covid thing (because if he was in the house for a matter of seconds which it sounds like, there’s really not much chance of infecting anything, particularly if he Didn’t touch things) but the shock must have been bloody awful.
Hope you can work out a strategy. It’s really hard if your ds doesn’t want his hand held and won’t like some sort of reins but it’s equally important that you prevent him running onto other people’s property. Quite aside from whether there’s traffic or not, other people might have dogs, or their own children with SEND issues who would be very upset by someone running into their house or garden

YANBU. It was the first time your child has done this so totally unexpected.
I have a child with ADHD who was always running off when we were out and wouldn't tolerate wearing reins. It was really difficult.
I would drop a quick apology note to the neighbour.

OP please don't beat yourself up, you couldn't have predicted this would happen and it really isn't the worst thing that could happen .

Sorry not the point but how did you get him to diagnosis stage at 2?!? They won’t see children that young, not even when my DS was very clearly autistic, they refused to see him. 4 and over is the soonest they’d do any kind of assessing on that

I am a SALT and this is not true. The youngest child I have known to get an ASD diagnosis was 19 months. It is more common at age 3 and above but not unheard of for a younger child to be given an ASD diagnosis or at least be going through the assessment process.

Hi there,
I don't have any suggestions re the running out of the door thing , but the note sounds like a good idea , it is extremely difficult to raise a sen child,especially when they are so little and have no sense of danger either, coupled with the added difficulty of having sen. There are some really helpful groups on facebook, one of them is called "adhd/asd uk community support" (all in capitals) and they have been invaluable for me as a mother of a chd who has these 2 conditions (we thought it was just adhd). I hope that helps you -maybe ask for suggestions on there xxx

SEN = special educational needs , sorry x

Child*

Hiya, as a self isolator it’s scary when someone comes in your home or up close but these things happen. A note is a good idea, chances are they will be fine about it and it was just a bit of a shock at the time

I completely understand & sympathise with your situation but I have to say, if a random toddler opened my front door & ran into my house at any time, let alone the current time, especially if I was self isolating, I would be absolutely livid.

@LavenderWashes

The thing with reins is how long before you give up? I've tried so many times and he throws himself down, hysterical that it's touching him.

I'm already at my wits end because the one saving grace was travelling to family or going out in the car. But I'm stuck remote as a prisoner at present since he will NOT sit in his car seat straps, he removes them. All safety straps don't work, he works out how they're put on and takes it off. He's crafty

THIS is the car seat you need! I had the exact same problem with my autistic child and then I got this car seat! The impact cushion is 100% safe (I was dubious and thought they could fall out until we tried it and realised how well it holds them in place). No problems since 👍🏻

@BoggledBudgie

Sorry not the point but how did you get him to diagnosis stage at 2?!? They won’t see children that young, not even when my DS was very clearly autistic, they refused to see him. 4 and over is the soonest they’d do any kind of assessing on that

Utter nonsense! My daughter began the diagnosis process at 2! On waiting list at 3 then diagnosed at 4

Always Can I ask if you can put that one rear facing?

A friend has similar, we tried it out and he got out! Argh

Have you tried giving him a iPad in the car or buggy? I know I know, but distraction is key. Something he might like, find his niche .. does he like bin lorries or animal stuff? Find a series to download on iplayer or you tube auto play as long as it's only his stuff on there.