To have failed to prevent DC entering someone else's house uninvited?

[LavenderWashes]

DS is almost 3, ASD suspected. He doesn't really respond to his name, let alone a simple sentence such as 'come here please' or 'get your shoes'.

I was locking the front door when he dashed to a neighbours house! I think he was attracted to the door because it's red and my mum's similar house door holds a swimming pool behind

I was a bit annoyed with myself as I ran to collect him from the door, but before I could get there in time the woman shouted ''I'M SELF ISOLATING FOR FUCK SAKE''.

I was mortified, but my brain got stuck. I didn't know if to run after DS into the house or hope and pray he would respond to my pleas for him to come here.

He did on the second desperate attempt, follow my request and came to the door, when I grabbed him. I said '' I'm so so sorry!'' and left.

AIBU to have not prevented this? Am I right in thinking it wasn't really my fault :( He's never tried that sort of thing before.

Told my Mum who said to put a note through the door and apologise that way, so she can digest my words calmy

@BoggledBudgie

Sorry not the point but how did you get him to diagnosis stage at 2?!? They won’t see children that young, not even when my DS was very clearly autistic, they refused to see him. 4 and over is the soonest they’d do any kind of assessing on that

She said it’s suspected not diagnosed.

Wow he must be a really fast mover if he managed to run off and end up in a neighbours house in the few seconds it takes to lock a door!
Yes it was your fault- next time hold his hand while you lock the door-and yes you should post your neighbour an apology note.

OP, I think you should post in the Special Needs section - as you can see here, some of the responses in AIBU can be very cruel.

Sorry but this exact comment is exactly why me insisting on the 'almost 3' is relevant here and not all the self righteous 'He is 2 OP'.

Sorry not the point but how did you get him to diagnosis stage at 2?!? They won’t see children that young, not even when my DS was very clearly autistic, they refused to see him. 4 and over is the soonest they’d do any kind of assessing on that

He is almost 3! Not shouting at the person who posted that comment but the people insistent on correcting me that he's '2'.

My DS was referred to speech and language aged 22 months. He was first seen age 26 months. Paediatric team who do the ASD pathway referred by age 2 years 3 months. Look them up, they're very good - Edwin Lobo There's a lot of difference between just turning 2, or being 2 for a few months, then almost being 3.

The woman's front door should have been locked.

Don’t be ridiculous. Why should she lock her door? OP should have been in more control of her child.

My health visitor also pushed for a referral by 2 years 3 months and it was actioned very quickly. It simply isn't true that autism is diagnosed aged 4 and over, never before Perhaps area dependant so there may be some variables but still

The woman's front door should have been locked.

Utter tripe, why should she have to lock her door? My door is often open if I'm in and out doing stuff in the garage, garden etc., it wasn't her fault that an out of control child was allowed to invade her home.

nobody locks their front door in OP's cluster of houses

People don't lock their doors in my street unless they're out or its night, I don't lock mine except for those two reasons and the door is just on the latch - pull down the door handle and it opens. My DC could all reach the door handle by around 18mo.

Sorry not the point but how did you get him to diagnosis stage at 2?!? They won’t see children that young, not even when my DS was very clearly autistic, they refused to see him. 4 and over is the soonest they’d do any kind of assessing on that

It varies by area and the difficulties the child is encountering. My nephew was diagnosed by the age of three.

There's a lot of difference between just turning 2, or being 2 for a few months, then almost being 3.

I agree, a lot of development goes on between the age of two and three and there is a difference between a child newly 2 and one about to turn 3.

OP, I think you should post in the Special Needs section - as you can see here, some of the responses in AIBU can be very cruel.

This is a good idea, OP. There are very few people on AIBU who understand what it's like parenting an autistic child and seem to think they can be patented in the same way as a NT child if you just stay firm and make them do whatever it is you went them to do. You'll get more experienced advice on the SN boards.

She turned her back for a split second and kids are curious naturally.

It was one mistake and neither the op or her child are out of control. I’m pretty sure it won’t ever happen again, once would be fright enough for most parents to be extra vigilant.

You sound like your doing your best op, pop a note in to apologise and explain and then give yourself a break and not give it anymore headspace. Accidents happen.

So you fully agree, @Smallsteps88, that OP's story is confusing & contradictory?

I was a bolter as toddler/preschooler so don't think ASD is important part of the picture. My mother said I was a nightmare. Lots of sympathy to anyone dealing with bolting small ones.

If you think the OP isn't genuine then report the thread instead of the passive-aggressive hole picking that you're doing, it's tiresome.

I was a bolter as toddler/preschooler so don't think ASD is important part of the picture.

It is when it affects the child's behaviour or behaviour expectations.

Yes the woman's door handle was pushed down by DC and off he went inside. The door wasn't wide open, no.

Again though, an important part of this is that I took my attention to locking the door for a seconf because I thought it safe

Jeez some uptight clueless people on here. It takes a second to empathise! You need advice from parents who can actually support you. It's happened, you cant change that. Just a new lesson in what can happen!

DS is almost 3, ASD suspected. He doesn't really respond to his name, let alone a simple sentence such as 'come here please' or 'get your shoes

There is nothing confusing or contradictory about what the OP said. So fuck off with the troll hunting or the people who want to quibble if nearly 3 is actually 2. Who cares? Recognise this is a mum who's had a shit day and is dealing the best she can with difficult circumstances.

Dear OP. It sounds really tough and nobody's fault. Buy yourself (and the sweary neighbour if you feel generous) some chocolate or wine. Stick an apology card with brief explanation through her door if you want to and be kind to yourself.

You really do sound like you are doing a great job being your ds's mum

So you fully agree, @Smallsteps88, that OP's story is confusing & contradictory?

I certainly dont. do you believe it is? are you easily confused or are you accusing her of lying?

These things happen! Don't beat yourself up, I'm sure you would have been much more vigilant if you were next to a road. Your neighbour sounds not very nice. My DS has ASD and at 2 (if he hasn't had his 3rd birthday I'm pretty sure he is still 2 years old ) he did lots of impulsive and unpredictable things, give yourself a break.

A wrist reign. Your not the firsst mum who has had a child run off, think the other person was a bit ubreasonable considering it was a small child that enetered her house.

I have a grown kid with ASD. When he was young we had to work on things like reins when we were in the house. So we found the wrist strap the most useful for us and we worked on it when he got to watch TV. He practiced wearing it for short periods of time when the TV was on.

Yes it was horribly unpleasant for him to start with but I also had an older kid who was a wanderer with poor impulse control and him and safety was more important IMO.

He had a problem with me wearing sunglasses. I find bright light painful and need to wear them so I practiced wearing them at home when we were doing something he liked... e.g. I'd put them on to serve and eat dessert. At first he'd be mad and try and pull them off but he got used to them.

Now he is grown he does the same thing. He practiced wearing a mask at home for several months to get used to the feel. To start with it was for very short time periods and now he has no problem with it.

It’s not your fault, but even so I do think you’ll need to apologise and I expect your neighbour may also apologise at that stage.

I’d also check if they’re isolating to keep themselves safe or if it’s because they know they have the virus (or think they do) as if it’s the latter given the amount of surfaces and things your DS could have touched in the house it’s probably best that he’s quarantined too.

He dashed off children do do that on occasion the neighbour was caught off guard it was a hoha get your neighbours some flowers/ chocolates and a note apologising. Little life back pack or buggy for your son . every time you leave the house is probably your best bet or would he push a doll's pram or scooter just to keep him distracted?

My DS was also a runner, diagnosed ASD.

OP, you mention in your first post that your DM has a swimming pool. You are going to have to be exceptionally careful with your DS around that pool. Put in as many barriers as possible to make sure that he cannot access it. Locked doors, alarms, etc. Statistically, autistic children are at high risk from drowning, for exactly the reasons your DS has just demonstrated.

@LavenderWashes My friend's son was diagnosed at 2. There is a difference between when non-verbal autistic children are referred and diagnosed and when verbal high functioning children are diagnosed. Don't beat yourself up. I would pop a note through the door apologising and saying your son is a non-verbal autistic 3 year old and you had not anticipated that he would run off, but you will do your very best to make sure it doesn't happen again. Then reassure her that you are being strict about the Covid rules and so you are confident that your son did not put her at risk.