To have failed to prevent DC entering someone else's house uninvited?

[LavenderWashes]

DS is almost 3, ASD suspected. He doesn't really respond to his name, let alone a simple sentence such as 'come here please' or 'get your shoes'.

I was locking the front door when he dashed to a neighbours house! I think he was attracted to the door because it's red and my mum's similar house door holds a swimming pool behind

I was a bit annoyed with myself as I ran to collect him from the door, but before I could get there in time the woman shouted ''I'M SELF ISOLATING FOR FUCK SAKE''.

I was mortified, but my brain got stuck. I didn't know if to run after DS into the house or hope and pray he would respond to my pleas for him to come here.

He did on the second desperate attempt, follow my request and came to the door, when I grabbed him. I said '' I'm so so sorry!'' and left.

AIBU to have not prevented this? Am I right in thinking it wasn't really my fault :( He's never tried that sort of thing before.

Told my Mum who said to put a note through the door and apologise that way, so she can digest my words calmy

Your mistake was posting anything here.

I might be taking things too far. Won’t comment on fault however I would suggest maybe leaving any apology note for at least a week, maybe two. Some people are wary of post coming in, not opening it for a few days. She may not welcome something through the door currently.

@LavenderWashes

My health visitor also pushed for a referral by 2 years 3 months and it was actioned very quickly. It simply isn't true that autism is diagnosed aged 4 and over, never before Perhaps area dependant so there may be some variables but still

My SIL was diagnosed with ASD aged 3, in the 90s. I really dont understand how some people think their experience is the experience.

Post a note saying sorry , but she should have a door locked if she shielding

I just started reading a book and says diet plays a huge part in all this , dont know how true it is but eating a more plant based diet helps

@PablosHoney

Your mistake was posting anything here.

Don’t be ridiculous.

It’s not ridiculous.

@PablosHoney

It’s not ridiculous.

Of course it is. There are people who are ignorant of children with SN, autism, etc and of course the ‘perfect parents’ who never do anything wrong. But there are also a lot of posters supporting OP and trying to help. If you never post anything in case someone on a keyboard hurts your feelings, there’s no point on being on Mumsnet.

It’s the wrong section for assistance whether you agree with me or not, It makes no difference 🤷‍♀️

Look on the bright side - at least you now know what he's capable of!

I'd invest in the reins because if he ran off somewhere dangerous it'd be an emergency.

Also, I wouldn't worry too much about your potty-mouthed neighbour. What she shouted in front of your young son was very rude indeed.

@PablosHoney

Your mistake was posting anything here.

Agreed! OP, if you want helpful supportive advice from people who know what they're talking about go over to the SN threads. If you want Mrs Judgey McJudgepants and the Perfection Police making you feel like you don't deserve to parent in their world-of-JUST-WONderful, do stay put to be continually gaslit and bullied. Because I'm sure that's JUST what we all need right now.

You have a LOT to deal with- don’t feel bad!! I’d go for lots of rewards for wearing wrist strap.

Your neighbour sounds grumpy. It was an accident and you’re doing your best in tricky circumstances, try to forget it.

@PablosHoney

Your mistake was posting anything here.

Agree totally.

OP, some MNers are like a swarm of bees if anyone dares to defend/explain/justify their actions.

I have a ds who was a bolter and has the ability to get himself in trouble in a empty room. I totally get it. There was no traffic / road so you thought it was ok to let go of him / let him explore a bit and he surprised you (and your neighbour!). It's fine, just send a sorry note to your neighbour and you know to be on your guard in future. We never really got our ds to accept reins so used a buggy for longer than we wanted to.

I just started reading a book and says diet plays a huge part in all this , dont know how true it is but eating a more plant based diet help

I hate to burst your bubble but autism is not related to diet and cannot be cured by becoming a vegetarian.

just started reading a book and says diet plays a huge part in all this , dont know how true it is but eating a more plant based diet help

He's veggie.

Accidents happen. This was the first one and it didn't end horribly. So... Learn from it. You now know he will dart from you.. so figure out a way to keep him in check as best as you can moving forward.

She probably just panicked. I once heard footsteps running across my upstairs. Expecting an intruder I went upstairs armed with a cricket bat to be met with a small toddler in my daughters room .

Put the note through the door, apologise. Don’t sweat it just learn from it.

I’m also puzzled by the shock that your house isn’t near a road. Mine isn’t. There’s a loads of houses around me that aren’t facing a road. Is this unusual??

@LavenderWashes

just started reading a book and says diet plays a huge part in all this , dont know how true it is but eating a more plant based diet help

He's veggie.

Now you’ve really opened a can of worms. Someone will be along to tell you that you’re abusing him by ‘forcing’ your diet on him. 5 4 3 ... 😁

Thing is I am like a HAWK and so so visual when out and about.

The reason I wasn't in this incident is because there isn't a road as a hazard, and, its just grass and trees. Can see very clearly, not really anywhere to hide beyond a few skinny trees. It's a friendly area etc. Couldn't really think of any risk.

I didn't think DS would try entering a house! He usually avoids unfamiliar spaces etc, unfamiliar people. Argh, I know I messed up. But I honestly thought the risk assessment I did there and then was fine. Obviously not

Two separate children have randomly come into our house at the time our bay window was full of toys. One with ASD (7), one not (3). Maybe they thought it was a shop? We don't have a door that automatically locks. I'd say it does happen.

OP, almost every single parent will have had a small child try to or succeed in running off. Either that or they’re strapped into a chair or carried everywhere. Don’t give the situation any more head space. Hopefully one of the suggestions on here will have helped you.

Definitely apologise and explain to the neighbour but don't beat yourself up, please don't.

I have a son with asd. He is 9 now but at that age he would do similar. Once he was walking (more likely running) home from pre school and ran up someone's path and opened their door. Happened on more occasions too. He struggled to grasp how you couldn't just walk in other people's house. Like I say he is 9 now and learnt that you cannot do that. Your son is only 3. Don't beat yourself up!! 🌸

Once mine ran through someone's house. Do I run after him or shout him out? 🤣

Yeah no point beating yourself up about it Op.

I hope the wrist strap thing you've ordered is better received by your little baby faced house intruder The car seat harness suggested also looks ideal for an escape artist like yours.

I work with asd kids and we were taught early on that running off is so common in asd. You didn’t know and it was out of character. There’s nothing more you could have done here as you were working on the information that you did know (it was safe, ds doesn’t usually bolt, doesn’t like unfamiliar people etc). Try not to beat yourself up, you know for next time I’m sure the neighbour was caught off guard but seems like a overreaction to me. Obviously you didn’t let him run in there on purpose, and you got him out asap.

I saw this type of reins on TV the other day, but I can only find it for sale here its a belt style one that has a belt for you and for ds with an attachment in the middle