If a man says to you..

[Runforyourlifeitsagherkin]

When you text back and forth with a friend from work and explain you are Upset and had a bad day and his response is:

“In another life, I would be down to give you a hug and make you feel better”

You are female, single. And he is married.

What does this mean to you? In what circumstance would you expect that response?

For the sake of voting
YABU= nothing in it
YANBU= he’s after something

Oh. Sorry. It's not good.
I think he'll try to use the "covid" explanation as an innocent way out of this. Sort of hiding in plain sight.
His response will speak volumes. An "oh shit I can see how that could be misconstrued" is one thing. Unfortunately, I would bet my life on a hugely defensive strop.

Just seen your update: my husband wouldn’t be texting a single female work colleague out of office hours, it’s unprofessional and very dodgy.

What do you plan to do, op ?

His response Is, it’s just a friend, I can see why you would think it looks odd now looking back. But I hug people at work and all it meant was- if circumstances were different I would be offering her a hug outside of work, but I’m happily married, so that’s not going to happen.

Bollocks. He’s trying to cheat. Fishing for nookie.

I wouldn't like my partner sending that to another woman.

@Runforyourlifeitsagherkin

Ok time to flip this.

I’m not flattered. I’m the wife.
This is what I found on my husband’s phone to a work friend.
I wanted to see opinions before the usual angry LTB comments

I would not be happy. I also suspect that should you question him about it, he will protest innocent and act hurt that you would ever think there was anything to his supportive text to a distressed colleague. It sounds like nothing has happened between them, it also sounds like he is looking to change that. I’m sorry

Ah.

I had been going to say that he is testing the waters for a shag, but that this doesn't make him a sleazeball. In MN land, any man who wants sex appears to be a creep.

IME, it's ok for someone to test the waters, and it's ok for the recipient to say yes or no. We're all adults.

But if I were you, OP, I'd still be very, very unhappy.

He doesn’t have form.
But clearly been texting her too much. All seems to be general work shit and the rest of her offloading all her life issues and him comforting via text.
He’s not been away from me since she started work so can only have seen her there, messages originally started as shift swaps etc. She sounds hugely needy and Always seems to have something to be upset about. She didn’t seem to bite though. Just replied “oh I’d just bore you going on about all this”

Oh, just read your update.

I would take that as him flirting, and possibly looking for your permission to start something up tbh

Maybe its not, but thats how it reads.

I'm not sure how it's ever ok for a married man to be testing the waters.

I would be fuming if I was the wife.
It's so cliche and cheesy.

Op, can I ask how you would honestly feel if you saw your beloved significant other had been texting back and forth with a single female co worker and far from being work related the conversation had turned to what a crappy day she'd had, how Upset she was hint, hint and in response your husband has answered in 'another life I'd be down for giving you a hug etc'. Livid, that would be my guess and it's because if there wasn't anything slimy about it he wouldn't need to reference 'another life' if it was an innocent hug it wouldn't matter about his wedding vows, would it. You already know this. You are testing the waters too with your "Upset". You don't say but I imagine you and maybe him are quite young ( the use of 'down to' and just the fact you are in this situation.) I hope he is not a senior staff member to you because that's even worse. Can I give you my advice, expect more for yourself, you do deserve it. Also, there are a million men that you could be with, but this man is really not an option.

That's inappropriate. As his wife I would not be pleased.

Im on the fence. At first i thought creepy man testing to see if a woman at work has poor boundaries after he has spent time messaging back and forth.

But them i thought it could mean pre covid.

But then i went back to creepy because what married man hugs single women at work? Creepy ones.

If he was open about the messaging all along id be more inclined to believe him. If he kept all the messaging to himself he is a creep.

I would say he was preying on someone who he feels is vulnerable.
I'm sure almost every woman has met the sort.
It makes me sick!

That’s not how fishing works. A game has to be played out and this is only the start.

I’m not talking about the rod here.

In that case his radar should have been pinging and he should have backed off.
But he didn't, instead he crossed a line. Only just. And just enough for him to be able to lie to even himself that of course it's completely innocent. But it isn't, he was fishing.

@Wishingwell75 OP is the wife

@Wishingwell75 oh please.... read the full thread!

Although I do wish that somebody could say to this work woman what Wishing just said. I agree with all of it.

I have never, in 25 years of gainful employment, had a coworker offer to come round and give me a hug and make it alright. Is your DP Mick Jagger?

He's fishing for a fuck .

I don't think he's going to be getting a lot of satisfaction, somehow.
Though he tried, and he tried..

Your husband is playing with fire and he knows it. He likes the attention and feeling like the knight in shining armour. He needs to give his head a serious wobble.