If a man says to you..

[Runforyourlifeitsagherkin]

When you text back and forth with a friend from work and explain you are Upset and had a bad day and his response is:

“In another life, I would be down to give you a hug and make you feel better”

You are female, single. And he is married.

What does this mean to you? In what circumstance would you expect that response?

For the sake of voting
YABU= nothing in it
YANBU= he’s after something

I don’t think it’s sweet at all. Is he with someone else? If so he is being a sleaze. If he is single it means I don’t really want you but I’ll use you as an ego boost.

Why would he say that though? What response was he expecting?

Because saying "I want to fuck you" is quite forward and might not be the right thing to say in both your circumstances.

I'd hazard a guess that this is his end goal though.

Inappropriate and sleazy comment from a married man. "In another life", ie; if I was not married. What happily married man (or woman) would make that sort of comment to a single colleague ?

Yep if I wasn't married I'd be all over you and now if you agree

Inappropriate, even before that message!

@PlanDeRaccordement

I see no problem with it. Hugging is not sex. You can hug friends of opposite sex even if married. Second, can’t hug anyway because of Covid. So it’s not a sinister message.

Are you?

1. A man

Or

1. A doormat

I've been there. He is testing the waters. Don't go there, it isn't worth your time.

He’s defo testing the water. What a sleaze

I have to know what you wrote to him OP first. This wasn’t an unsolicited comment after all. You said you had been telling him about a bad day and how you were Upset.

I don't think anything of it at all.

In another (non married) life he'd want to give you a hug but in this (married) life he can't so hey ho, that's what it is 《shrug》🤷‍♀️

You both move on.

@roadsurvey
No, I am 3. Not a prude who thinks every man wants to fuck me.

I think it depends on the type of people you both are. My boss is a hugger, hes a very nice man and we work in a sector where there is a lot of hugging and general hippy dippy crap. I am not a hugger. AT ALL. I was very upset one day, for reasons that are not relevant, and he said he'd give me a hug if he thought I'd let him. It was totally platonic and not inappropriate at all.
I've had other men offer me a hug (or even lunge in for one) and it was totally inappropriate. It doesnt have to mean that he wants to fuck you but it can do

Mildly flirtatious, but no more.

He's trying it on and attempting to be subtle. It didn't work.

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@roadsurvey
No, I am 3. Not a prude who thinks every man wants to fuck me.[/quote]

Nobody here is being a prude for recognising this skeazy fucker.

I have platonic friends, married ones and unmarried ones. As good friends with whom there is zero possibility of any sexual interest I would just offer a hug if the occasion made needing a hug likely.
There would be no need to pussyfoot about with the 'oh if only' nonsense. It can only mean it is not above board in some way. Either you aren't close enough friends so offering a hug would be weird but he is interested in overstepping that boundary. Or you are that close a friend but it is not truly platonic (from his side at least) so the hug idea is an overreach...
Slimey not sweet. But he wouldn't be the first guy to use someone's distress as an 'in'

@roadsurvey
Didn’t say anyone was a prude, just said I wasn’t one.

Also, you would be wise to put an end to any communication aside from when you're at work. He's a co-worker not a "friend", he's married, and he's flirting with you. No good will come from this.

@AranciaRosso

You can't tell people how to vote.

I think people clarify as sometimes it’s unclear what YABU/YANBU would mean in different circumstances

[quote PlanDeRaccordement]@roadsurvey
Didn’t say anyone was a prude, just said I wasn’t one.[/quote]

Ah, bless you

He's a complete sleaze who's testing the water as to whether you're up for taking things further!

@roadsurvey
Well you did say I was either a man or a doormat, so glass houses and all that. Peace be upon you.

@BenoneBeauty

He's a complete sleaze who's testing the water as to whether you're up for taking things further!

Yup, I second this.

I have had perfectly platonic, good friendships at work where this would be a relatively normal thing to say without hidden meaning. It could also be an attempt at flirting. Only you can know what he's like.

I too must be a man as I have said much the same to friends going through a hard time in the context of covid and I give them virtual hugs instead . I am clearly aM a skeazy slime ball Pushing boundaries to see if a fuck is on the table