If a man says to you..

[Runforyourlifeitsagherkin]

When you text back and forth with a friend from work and explain you are Upset and had a bad day and his response is:

“In another life, I would be down to give you a hug and make you feel better”

You are female, single. And he is married.

What does this mean to you? In what circumstance would you expect that response?

For the sake of voting
YABU= nothing in it
YANBU= he’s after something

It's the 'in another life' bit that is the giveaway.

He's married OP.

If you really want to know what he means then ask him but tell him you're not interested if he is flirting.

Sounds inappropriate to me.

I seriously wouldn’t think anything of it - I had several married men say the same this weekend & several married women as well!!
It was a difficult & sad occasion there was nothing sexual in it & never would be.
They were just being supportive

"We are huggers too. Neither of us would text that."

Yes, I think this is the best way to approach it. Would you say the same thing to a single person if you were happily married? Even if you meant Covid times, wouldn't you rethink before sending, because it reads like a come on? I couldn't imagine sending that kind of thing to somebody, and I would offer all of my male friends a hug if they were having a bad day.

It's the 'in another life' bit that is the giveaway.

Of course it is! Thinking this bloke meant in "covid time" is laughable.

My DH has female colleagues he would text on a friendly basis, so I asked his opinion. He said it’s difficult to say without knowing the guy - but that he’s either a total sleaze-bag who’s testing the water OR just completely socially inept and it’s a misguided attempt at being supportive. But either way totally inappropriate.

I dont think a single woman should be messaging with a married male colleague about her bad day and how upset she is.
Do you not have and real friends that you can talk to?

Spamming the thread a bit now, but I'm for a penny

If I received that message and knew/found out that it meant "he would", I'd most certainly feel like consolation prize material. It's basically saying "If I was less happy sticking around with this woman, then I'd give you a go". Although I am aware that sleazy cheaters tend to think that kind of thing is romantic - pretending they're trapped somehow but would be with the OW in a heartbeat.

It’s the ‘Im such a sweet kind caring guy, I’d love to but couldn’t possibly....’ and then of course he falls so madly for you he just can’t resist you, and that’s how so many women get fooled into being the other woman

Yes - pot. kettle. black

@Ohtherewearethen

Does he mean a non-covid life? If so I'd think he was really sweet.

No way.

“If I was in a different life” is code for ‘I am a caged-bird’ but I would like to escape with you for a bit. It’s to get you to free him, stroke his feathers, but allow him to go back to his cage, or he may get frightened. Poor bloke.

The reality is he is married and/or committed, but wants you to believe he could be yours if you stroke his ego or give him a shag.

Don’t fall for it.

@CheetasOnFajitas 'down' means 'game' as in 'up for'

YANBU

WTF

@why2020 I think in this instance it means "down to your place", travel wise. Like I went down to the shops.

I think the fact you are questioning it tells you all you need to know. If he’s he a work friend that was normally hug(gy) before covid, then it’s likely harmless, but I assume he wasn't or you wouldn’t be doubting his intentions.
Think he’s testing the water to see if you’ll bite, as he can hardly come out with a straight fancy a shag, especially if you work with him.
I’d be very clear with him you’re not interested, because you really don’t want to get involved with a married man.

Some things haven't changed due to a global pandemic. One of the things that hasn't isn't when blokes from your work say, " "in another life". Covid-related my arse. It means "if I wasn't married". It's a classic testing the water line. I think you sound flattered. Is this man even really a real friend? The term is chucked around loosely sometimes.

Ok time to flip this.

I’m not flattered. I’m the wife.
This is what I found on my husband’s phone to a work friend.
I wanted to see opinions before the usual angry LTB comments

And “down” means “down the road”
Where she lives

Youre having little text chats out of work with a married man. His comment fits in with that vibe.

I’m not flattered. I’m the wife. This is what I found on my husband’s phone to a work friend.

Your husband is up to no good. I'm sorry.

I wouldn’t be texting a married male work colleague outside of work hours. Keep it strictly business, especially if there’s even a whiff of flirting.

In that case.....

Nah, down also means ‘going down’. If you know what I mean.

Where are your boundaries?

I thought you would be the wife OP. I’d be really pissed off.

Very sorry OP.

Does he know you've seen this? Has he form for this type of behaviour?