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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH watching me on the baby monitor

199 replies

Watchingthebabymonitor · 09/09/2020 20:04

We have a video baby monitor in our house to watch the baby, obviously ! It’s always on; I’ve never thought much about it. It’s one of those that goes through to your phone and you can watch it wherever you are. However I’ve just found out that DH is logging in to it whilst he’s out and watching what’s going on when I’m by myself with kids. I don’t know how often or for how long. It does send notifications through to the phone when it senses movement.

I’m not happy with this...

So I thought I’d ask what you all thought...?

YABU - he can look on the baby monitor whenever he likes
YANBU - he shouldn’t be using the baby monitor like that

OP posts:
Sally2791 · 09/09/2020 20:07

Of course that’s not normal. Is he peculiar in other ways?

Keeva2017 · 09/09/2020 20:07

Have you challenged him? Maybe it’s innocent and he just misses you but maybe it’s more sinister.

TheRosariojewels · 09/09/2020 20:07

Why does he do it? Does he just want to see the kids? If you have asked him not to. He should stop.

Ivegotnothing · 09/09/2020 20:09

I’d throw it straight in the bin and get one that doesn’t do that!

Possibly he didn’t realise how disturbing that is.

Foxinthechickencoop · 09/09/2020 20:10

Is there any other context to this? What is he like normally? Isn’t the baby monitor just in the baby’s room?

Watermelontea · 09/09/2020 20:11

He logs in to watch you?! 🤨 How weird, though maybe ours because he misses you all?
Our baby monitor sends notifications to my phone, and if there is lots of them I’ll click on it to see what’s setting it off, but then ours is in the bedroom so I always think it’s an intruder if I’m not home!

Nonononon · 09/09/2020 20:11

If he's getting notifications on his phone maybe curiosity gets the better of him and he just wants to see what his family is up to at that moment?

Crylittlesister · 09/09/2020 20:12

He's weird. Cover it or turn it off.

Sunshineandsparkle · 09/09/2020 20:12

My bil does this and I find it very odd. My sil claims it doesn’t bother her at all which I find weird. I would find it an invasion of privacy as even though I’m not doing anything odd, I wouldn’t like the feeling of being watched in my own home. Tell your dh you don’t like it and turn the monitor off. Is he normally controlling or
Is this out of character?

TakeMe2Insanity · 09/09/2020 20:12

It could be totally innocent and hes just joining in on family life when he gets the chance but then I’d expect him to mention it eg I saw you guys all singing songs to the baby today and it made me smile.

Alternatively he is checking up on you and it’s creepy!

Lazysundayafternoons · 09/09/2020 20:12

My dp would probably love one of these as he works away from home Monday to Friday and I can imagine him logging in to see what the kids are up to.
But you make it sound as though your DH is watching YOU more than the kids and you're actions when alone with the kids which is weird.

Carandi · 09/09/2020 20:13

YANBU he shouldn't be invading your privacy. Why not switch it off when you're with the baby or cover it over? How did you find out he's doing this?

FoxtrotOscarPoppet · 09/09/2020 20:13

Odd behaviour.
Can you cover it up when he goes to work during the day so he cant see / hear things. Be interesting whether he then drops himself in it by commenting on why it doesn’t work during the day.

WitchDancer · 09/09/2020 20:13

I would think he was watching the kids not you.

Tunnocks34 · 09/09/2020 20:15

I don’t know is he watching the kids, or watching you with the kids.

If I had that monitor and I was at work, I’d be tempted to sneak a look at my boys to be honest - I miss them when I’m working!

ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 09/09/2020 20:15

@TakeMe2Insanity

It could be totally innocent and hes just joining in on family life when he gets the chance but then I’d expect him to mention it eg I saw you guys all singing songs to the baby today and it made me smile.

Alternatively he is checking up on you and it’s creepy!

Exactly my thoughts.

I'll blow a kiss to my motion sensor cctv camera in the garden knowing that my DH might see it if he gets the notifications during his work break.

If you don't want to be watched, turn it off when you're in. If he objects THEN there's a problem.

Hellishcrusade · 09/09/2020 20:16

Where is it in the house? In the baby's room or elsewhere?
How do you know he's been watching?

pigsDOfly · 09/09/2020 20:17

Sounds a bit stalkerish but to an extent I suppose it rather depends on the spirit in which he's watching it, how you found out and how you feel about it.

If he's popping in to watch 'his wonderful wife and children' for a couple of minutes a day, like looking at a moving photo, then it's probably not too weird, as long as he's told you and you're happy with that.

If, on the other hand, he didn't tell you and he's watching you because he wants to keep an eye on you and is effectively spying on you, that most definitely is not acceptable.

Whatever, you say you're not happy so it needs to stop.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 09/09/2020 20:18

It sounds like you haven't spoken to him yet. Why not?

UnicornGlitter · 09/09/2020 20:19

I think for me it would depend on why he is doing it. We have a Google nest with a camera and since going back to work I will sometimes usually when bored in a meeting have a quick nosy to see what the puppy is up to. My husband is working from home and knows that I do it but isn't bothered by it (and will sometimes leave me little notes to read if he is feeling particularly romantic but that doesn't happen often Grin)

AdoraBell · 09/09/2020 20:19

Where is the monitor? Could you leave something in front of it, like a packet of baby wipes? See what his reaction is if he cannot see.

TheMostHappy · 09/09/2020 20:20

I don't find it that odd. He is her husband and father of her children not some random bloke. It wouldn't bother me if it were my dh. He watches me gardening on our cctv all the time - he takes the piss because I'm standing looking at a pile of dirt a lot of the time and when I walk past a camera I usually remember to give a little 🖕🏻

Crimblecrumble1990 · 09/09/2020 20:20

How did you find out? If he said 'oh I saw baby had a long nap today, he must have been tired!' Then I can't see what's wrong with it? Is the monitor fixed over the baby's bed so just sees naps etc?

I have the same monitor by the sounds of it and I know if my husband is out and gets a movement notification he will have a little look and see me putting baby to bed etc the same way he might if he were at home.

Srslydontgiveacrap · 09/09/2020 20:21

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WholePlaceIsPickled · 09/09/2020 20:23

I think it depends if you think he’s doing it because he doesn’t trust you or if he’s just flicking on to see it as it’s notified him you’re in the room and he thinks it’s harmless to have a little nosey what you’re all up to.

I wouldn’t give a crap personally, I know my DP would be doing it just to see what we were up to in a non creepy way