@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 
that made me laugh so thank you. Funny enough - to everybody else I have just turned it off now.
Also to answer another question that’s been asked a few times we got the camera actually to manage a specific problem with our child we were having - which is actually quite outing. Although I’m fairly sure that it he reads this he will know it was me; there can’t be too many people going through the exact same thing as me. But I don’t care anymore tbh.
Hello @june2007 are you DH?? Just wondering since I thought I’d made it clear why I don’t tell him things... I’m not being deliberately deceptive nor am I not telling him “important” things that he needs to know. Mainly trivial chit chat that I’ve stopped tbh - that is impossible with him so I’ve given up. But because I didn’t tell him these things I must be hiding something else. No I’m just mentally exhausted trying to reason with you about things that don’t actually matter in the grand scheme of things.
Since every comment is negative or aggressive back. If I mention something a friend has said the response is - oh well she’s a bloody idiot anyway. Or listing the persons faults. “DH did I tell you my sister got herself a puppy?” The response would be along the lines of - “well that’s irresponsible isn’t it ? I hope she doesn’t think she’ll be bringing it with her when she comes to visit. I don’t want a puppy in the house, how is she affording that? She cant buy a puppy she’s never got any money... has she had dogs before? Does she even know what she’s doing? I know what I’m doing perhaps I’ll offer my advice continually lecture her for ages on how to teach the dog. Can’t believe she’s done that....”
Don’t really know why I’m justifying myself to you but there you are - you’ve wanted me to bite on every comment you’ve made so hope you enjoy 
In terms of the other questions - I’m safe, I’m not in danger, he’s not violent but he is very manipulative and I spent a long time chasing my own tail over it all, and still - as the post last night shows - question sometimes whether I am being unreasonable.
I have changed in the last year or so and I no longer tolerate this crap from him. He knows I don't even like him the majority of the time and this definitely shows in my demeanour and also my reactions to things - however he is completely against separating and there are some things that make this very complex from my side. Not least of all because he’s the most stubborn and arrogant man on the planet and will simply drag it out as long as it takes If he even agrees to it happening and ruining the kids childhoods in the process; he will never leave and will continue to make my life hell if I dare to try and force it.
He’s currently playing the victim and I’m totally unreasonable for 1. Turning the camera off as he wasn’t spying he was helping (it’s my right to turn it off & he’s not annoyed about that but it keeps our family safe I’m told... that wasn’t why we got it & the outside cameras do that just as well thanks very much !) and 2. Telling him that he was spying on me again. As I knew it would be me in the wrong because it always is - except I’m not wrong and most of the time I’m right to be annoyed with his rubbish but he doesn’t see it. (I’m not perfect btw and sometimes I am wrong but I’m happy to tell him I am and say sorry, which I think is normal?) He’s so convinced he’s right about everything that I do feel like I’m going mad a lot of the time. He says it with such conviction ! I wish I had as much confidence as him I really do.
I honestly feel at my wits end and exhausted with it all all the time. I’m utterly miserable. But I have no where to go without selling the house we own, which he will never ever allow to happen.