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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Arguing already with DH about Christmas dinner and his Covidiot family

190 replies

CathTurnbull · 07/09/2020 23:06

DH’s sister and brother in law always come to ours on Christmas Day, I don’t mind and they don’t cook so no problem.

However they’re also people who tend to be quite selfish and acted quite stupidly over the last few months as in going abroad on list minute holidays, out all the time for buy out to help out, always at the pub not socially distancing etc.

Each to their own, if that’s how they want to behave, but obviously cases are increasing and I can only imagine how bad things could be by Christmas so I mentioned to DH that I wasn’t comfortable about them coming for Christmas dinner if they continue to act like there’s no virus. He got defensive and told me they are coming and then left the room as if the conversation was over and he was making this decision.

I feel a bit upset, but he’s acting like I’m being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Porcupineinwaiting · 07/09/2020 23:09

YANBU not to want COVID brought to your Christmas dinner.

Treesofwood · 07/09/2020 23:09

Are you the covid police? Have you been watching them do things that are actually being encouraged by the government, otherwise how do you know about their SD?

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/09/2020 23:11

Is he cooking, cleaning and hosting entirely by himself?

Dee1975 · 07/09/2020 23:12

As you say, up to them how they behave, but if you are not comfortable then you are not being unreasonable. And I understand why you wouldn’t be comfortable. If they don’t adhere to SD I’d worry too.

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 07/09/2020 23:13

@Treesofwood

Are you the covid police? Have you been watching them do things that are actually being encouraged by the government, otherwise how do you know about their SD?
What a pointlessly stupid post Confused
makingmammaries · 07/09/2020 23:14

Could you go to your parents’ for Christmas? Your DP will be singing a different tune when it’s him having to cook the lunch.

Fefifofaff · 07/09/2020 23:15

You could perhaps have phrased things in a more open ended manner. However, who died and made him king of the castle? He doesn't get to make a proclamation and then leave. So for that YANBU.

SquirtleSquad · 07/09/2020 23:20

are you the COVID police

Are you my 4 year old Grin?

Treesofwood · 07/09/2020 23:20

Includewomen Why stupid? Eat out to help out. Pubs etc, All allowed and encouraged. And how does OP know they are not SD unless she's been there too?

RealityExistsInTheHumanMind · 07/09/2020 23:21

Personally I don't see it as an issue - but you do and you are entitled to.

If he is doing the shopping and the cooking then I think you should just suck it up and go along with it or go away.

If however
It is expected that you do the shopping and the cooking then it is your call.

He invites them - you tell him that you are going away and it's all up to him.

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 07/09/2020 23:22

I know about not socially distancing because they post everything on FB

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 07/09/2020 23:23

"He got defensive and told me they are coming and then left the room as if the conversation was over and he was making this decision."

You are not at his command. And the decision is not his alone. If he wants to continue to pretend that it is his decision to make, I'd be deciding to go elsewhere for Christmas and he can do Christmas for his non-cooking sister and BIL on his todd.

SquirtleSquad · 07/09/2020 23:26

Just tell him which fancy pants hotel you'll be staying in whilst he is quarantined for the two weeks after he hosts/cooks for/cleans up after his Christmas lunch.

user1471500037 · 07/09/2020 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 07/09/2020 23:26

I’m the one that does the all the food shopping, prep and actual cooking on the day - his only contribution is to set the table, so I think if anyone has more bargaining power it’s me!

I think he knows that, which is he stomped off because he knows he doesn’t have a leg to stand in if this discussion were to continue

OP posts:
Original poster
CathTurnbull · 07/09/2020 23:28

I’m neither irrational or scared of the virus- but obviously don’t want to catch it. Just find their behaviour selfish and annoying

OP posts:
SquirtleSquad · 07/09/2020 23:29

@user1471500037 irrational for following basic government guidelines and not wanting to host those who aren't.. Hmm

LtJudyHopps · 07/09/2020 23:30

Everything they are doing is allowed in the guidelines. I was eating out to help out a fair bit - all distanced with my family on one table. What’s wrong with that?
How do you know they’re not distancing? Did they pose for a picture - a 30 second snapshot of a whole evening? The couple of pubs I’ve been to you have to have a table and no bar service.
I think you’re overreacting bringing this up to your DH on September 7th. I can see why he got defensive.

Flatpackback · 07/09/2020 23:34

I’d take to my room and leave them to it. I should hope you are the “Covid police” about knowing where people have been before you let them in your house.

nocoolnamesleft · 07/09/2020 23:35

I actually think it's quite rational to be a bit scared of this virus. Other scary viruses are also available.

Original poster
CathTurnbull · 07/09/2020 23:37

But government guidelines are to follow SD and they don’t. I’ve already said they post everything on Facebook which is how I know

OP posts:
Girlzroolz · 07/09/2020 23:39

Oh come on. Of course you can surmise people’s social distancing habits from their social media pics.

Especially since the Covidiots seem only too excited to prove how the guidelines don’t apply to themselves.

Chloemol · 07/09/2020 23:39

@LtJudyHopps

The op states that it’s all over FB posts, they have being going to pubs, not SD. Ok going abroad maybe within guidelines, but it’s not something I would do and op is uncomfortable with it

It’s her choice if she feels comfortable them coming, and she doesn’t

Op I would either tell him if they come you are going elsewhere, or if that’s not possible you won’t be cooking, leave him to it and retire to the bedroom

Newpuppyplanning · 07/09/2020 23:40

Nope. It's perfectly reasonable to limit it to people you feel comfortable around. He can go to theirs!

Willyoujustbequiet · 07/09/2020 23:42

Some of these replies are incredibly stupid and more than likely the reason cases are increasing again.

YANBU not to want a deadly virus brought to your Christmas dinner. But regardless your home your choice.