Arguing already with DH about Christmas dinner and his Covidiot family

[CathTurnbull]

DH’s sister and brother in law always come to ours on Christmas Day, I don’t mind and they don’t cook so no problem.

However they’re also people who tend to be quite selfish and acted quite stupidly over the last few months as in going abroad on list minute holidays, out all the time for buy out to help out, always at the pub not socially distancing etc.

Each to their own, if that’s how they want to behave, but obviously cases are increasing and I can only imagine how bad things could be by Christmas so I mentioned to DH that I wasn’t comfortable about them coming for Christmas dinner if they continue to act like there’s no virus. He got defensive and told me they are coming and then left the room as if the conversation was over and he was making this decision.

I feel a bit upset, but he’s acting like I’m being unreasonable?

Perhaps it is a reverse and it is OP that has been disinvited from Christmas this year? 🤨. Or it is just a totally made up thread as they are bored.

Re-establishing boundaries over imbalanced Christmas routines: not unreasonable.

A sneary, tone mocking family for actions that are permissible or even encouraged by the government: unreasonable. (Especially if you are being a hypocrite.

I've seen plenty of selfies of people eating out now. It's most likely that they're pleased to get back together after months of social isolation, pull together for a photo for 15 seconds and returning back to their government approved seating arrangements. Hardly a drugged and sex crazed illegal rave level of risk.

Insulting your inlaws is not going to help you have a civilised conversation about how to manage the Christmas workload.

Ah, god grant me the confidence of a man who can end an argument by committing to his first ever solo prepared Christmas meal without actually realising that's what he's done

YABU to be so precious, we need to learn to live with COVID.

YANBU to want to have a say who you cook for on Christmas Day in your own home.

They should be sharing the chores

They should but they are not. So what you would do in a completely different situation is irrelevant.

I would kick it in to touch (cowardly I know) by not getting too firmly entrenched. due not not having a crystal ball but not being stupid, we are open minded,
unsure whether Christmas will be a full-on family get-together or a socially distanced walk in the rain

@WALKING2 No way!!!! I'm dying inside for her, cringe!

Does DH regularly demand things be done regardless of your feelings?

Who cooks doesn't change whether they bring the virus into the OP's house or not, so suggesting age sucks it up if he cooks, misses the point entirely!

@CathTurnbull

He's being a complete twat thinking he can put his foot down & the Big Man would get told!!!

Ask him to explain why he feels them coming us more important that his marriage.

@WALKING2

Come on *@CathTurnbull*

This is a bit rich - slagging off your family when you are doing what they are doing......

I've been 'quite active for example went out a lot with the ‘eat out to help out’ scheme and went to Corfu last minute for my birthday and got back yesterday'.

Now you posted that on 1st September now here you are calling your family Cov-diots and selfish etc for basically doing what you have been doing....

Surely all that is irrelevant and if you don't want to cook Christmas dinner don't make up rubbish about them and just say you don't want to do it - let the DH do it this year. No worries about them coming over because they have been doing the same as you - caught out telling porky pies.

Say what???

JFC I give up with this place, I really do!!

@CathTurnbull

If that's true, then I can see why your husband thinks you're being a twat. hes not alone in that.

Tell him I hope he enjoys the dinner they’re cooking then. He obviously thinks that walking away means that the conversation’s over. Silly, silly man. Perhaps you might feel somewhat taken for granted, given that you’re the one with feelings on the subject who is supposed to ALSO provided the services like Cinderella.

The figures have practically doubled since last week, Sky news are reporting that it is going to be announced that there are going to be national restrictions on indoor gatherings as a result, and we’re only in September.

Christmas is only three months away, plenty of people do start planning who they’re having over etc at this point, certainly works Christmas do’s are generally booked by the end of August to ensure you get a table somewhere.

Given we will be at the height of the flu season by Christmas, COVID is the least of people’s worries, if you catch flu and then COVID you are likely to be in a far more precarious position.

TBH I think it is probably fair to assume that for the most part, Christmas won’t be happening anyway this year.

Far better to assume that it won’t and make plans last minute if it does.

I think that if you’re planning on inviting people over for a mass celebration and expecting someone else (e.g. your wife as in the DH’s case) to cater for it, then September is not an unreasonable timeframe to have that discussion, COVID or no COVID.

I wouldn't worry about it yet. If they really aren't being careful they may well have caught it by then and be immune.

@Itsjustabitofbanter

All those people spouting government guidelines, some people like to follow their own feelings and instincts. I have since day 1

And that, my friends, is why the pandemic has continued to spread

@Treesofwood - and that's exactly the attitude which means cases are rising

@Newpuppyplanning - how does that help the OP? Presumably he'll come home after.

@Itsjustabitofbanter - aren't you just perfect? However, if we all did that...

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4011834-Returning-to-work-and-FaceBook

OP, if you don't want to cook Christmas dinner, that's fine, but own it. Your previous thread makes you sound like a hypocrite

It’s very simple. Tell your DH if they are there, you won’t be.

@AnneLovesGilbert

Is he cooking, cleaning and hosting entirely by himself?

^^ this

@CathTurnbull Please come back and tell me about Corfu.

@C8H10N4O2

They should be sharing the chores

They should but they are not. So what you would do in a completely different situation is irrelevant.

No it isn’t, arsehole the non-chore sharing is a separate issue to whether the roast dinner preparer gets to dictate who their husband wants to have round at Christmas.

Why not talk to the sister and the bil and let them know that you are really careful with the COVID and ask them to be socially distancing a few weeks before Christmas if they plan on visiting you? It's only September so the situation with the virus can be totally different by December.

Your husband walking out was not a great way to solve an argument but I can also kinda understand his reaction. Talk to him and see if you can agree on how you could both be comfortable.

They post everything on Facebook? And you are complaining that people didn't like your FB holiday photos of Corfu? Bizarre.

I agree with PP. Don't cook Xmas Dinner if you don't want to. But be honest about your reasons.

Why not talk to the sister and the bil and let them know that you are really careful with the COVID

Because that would be a lie