Arguing already with DH about Christmas dinner and his Covidiot family

[CathTurnbull]

DH’s sister and brother in law always come to ours on Christmas Day, I don’t mind and they don’t cook so no problem.

However they’re also people who tend to be quite selfish and acted quite stupidly over the last few months as in going abroad on list minute holidays, out all the time for buy out to help out, always at the pub not socially distancing etc.

Each to their own, if that’s how they want to behave, but obviously cases are increasing and I can only imagine how bad things could be by Christmas so I mentioned to DH that I wasn’t comfortable about them coming for Christmas dinner if they continue to act like there’s no virus. He got defensive and told me they are coming and then left the room as if the conversation was over and he was making this decision.

I feel a bit upset, but he’s acting like I’m being unreasonable?

How dare he try to lay down the law when he does basically fuck all?!?
Just make clear to him that if they come, he is shopping, cooking and hosting on his own. He might change his tune.

You have a right to not want them over for Christmas dinner for any reason. You're not required to provide anyone with Christmas dinner.

I think judging people for using the eat out to help out scheme is silly though, we're meant to be to help our economy, it's not like they're doing something against government guidelines with that.

To the people saying its a bit premature to be thinking about it, the in laws presumably are expecting to come to OPs for Christmas and if that's not going ro be happening they will need to know sooner rather than later in order to make other arrangements or book a Christmas meal out somewhere.

This isn't the type of thing you can drop on someone 3 days in advance, I imagine lots of restaurants will already have a large number of their Christmas bookings sorted or will start very soon.

OP, YANBU to express concern about your in laws behaviour, just because the govt says it's okay to go on holiday, eat out to help out, go to the pub etc does not mean that you have to be okay with them doing it.

Ypu do all the grunt work associated with Christmas, I wpipd seriously be tempted to tell you DH that you feel strongly about it and you are happy to shop out for Christmas and leave the 3 of them to it if he feels strongly about it too- no hard feelings but you are both equally valid in your viewpoint and this wpipd be one way of accommodating both viewpoints.

Then he can do all shopping, prep, cooking, tidying up and you can go be with a friend or family member or hotel! Bliss!

*ship out

And a variety of other spelling typos! Still wish there was an edit function on mn!!

It never fails to amaze me the shit some women put up with on MN.

Tell the lazy pair to cook their own food or buy in some microwave ready meals.

This type of regular routine of people coming for Christmas lunch fills me with dread (20 years of my mother coming every year)

I agree with you apart from this.

Plus do yourself a favour, but everything ready prepared frozen or fresh for your family, and buy a gammon or turkey crown.
Anything to make it easier.
You could buy six frozen chicken dinners and a trifle 😂

Sorry, I’m not sure where I disagreed with you!!

Typing error earlier

It would appear that they have tried really hard to catch the virus and I'm assuming that they haven't yet. I don't think using the Eat Out to Help Out scheme in being a 'cov-diot' IMO - quite strong words from you which sums on your stance on a lot.

However, you are cooking and it's your house so your call. I would personally speak to your husband and explain why. The use of the terms 'cov-idiot', and saying that they are selfish and stupid probably comes over in your everyday manner even if you don't realise it and sounds very judgemental. Perhaps he is fed up of the whole over the top statements and judgements (I would be if I lived with someone who commented the way you have).

If you don't want to have them over then don't. If your husband wants to do all the work you could sit in your room avoiding the 'Cov-idiots' since you don't appear to think much of them. That way he gets Christmas with others and you are completely safe.

@C8H10N4O2

Any of us except OP’s husband, right?

So the DH who contributes bugger all gets to dictate to the OP that she should cook, shop and host people who make her uncomfortable in her own home?

They should be sharing the chores, but if my spouse tried to tell me my siblings weren’t coming for Christmas when I wanted them there, my answer would be ‘then neither am I’. It’s setting a lot of store by your own roast-making abilities to assume they grant you the “bargaining power” to unilaterally exclude family members from Christmas.

You're hosting with DP but you're cooking as well so imo you have the final say. If you aren't happy to have them over then it's not happening

We go to the IL's and if they weren't happy with something we wouldn't even question it. It's their house and their rules so you abide by them or don't go

I was curious as to whether you had school aged children so did an advanced search to find out. I didn't find out but you claim to have been eating out a lot and just got back from Corfu 😂😂

(School aged children because they are going to be a risk)

I think maybe the Covid issue is a distraction and you need to bring the long standing unreasonableness of this situation into focus. Four grown adults getting together every Christmas, year after year, and it’s always only you doing all the work. That’s what’s unreasonable. Have a conversation with him about that, tell him you’ve done all the work for years, it isn’t fair and you’ve had enough. You can make a plan together about who does what that feels fair between the two of you, and decide what to do about who goes where re Covid nearer the time.

Wow really @CathTurnbull

Is this true?

'SoupDragon Tue 08-Sep-20 09:44:45
I was curious as to whether you had school aged children so did an advanced search to find out. I didn't find out but you claim to have been eating out a lot and just got back from Corfu 😂😂 so doing what your relatives are doing and then calling them idiots/selfish etc.... oh dear

*You completely misunderstood what the OP posted. She didn’t say she would have more chance of catching the virus because she does all the prep and cooking.

She said she should have more of a say in what happens at Christmas because she does all the work.*

I was being sarcastic, you obviously missed that! Also being a martyr doesn't give you additional authority!

Probably a bit soon to decide definitively what anyone will be doing at Christmas yet, I reckon the decision might be out of all our hands.

Come on @CathTurnbull

This is a bit rich - slagging off your family when you are doing what they are doing......

I've been 'quite active for example went out a lot with the ‘eat out to help out’ scheme and went to Corfu last minute for my birthday and got back yesterday'.

Now you posted that on 1st September now here you are calling your family Cov-diots and selfish etc for basically doing what you have been doing....

Surely all that is irrelevant and if you don't want to cook Christmas dinner don't make up rubbish about them and just say you don't want to do it - let the DH do it this year. No worries about them coming over because they have been doing the same as you - caught out telling porky pies.

*However they’re also people who tend to be quite selfish and acted quite stupidly over the last few months as in going abroad on list minute holidays, out all the time for buy out to help out, always at the pub not socially distancing etc.
*

As @SoupDragon says this is yourself you're describing! What a ridiculous thread this is!

I didn't find out but you claim to have been eating out a lot and just got back from Corfu

Oh ffs 😂

So the only thing government guideline they're iignoring is SD, since EOTHO, going to the pub etc is being actively encouraged by the government. Them and millions of others.

Well you don’t know what the guidelines will be by then! But not unreasonable to let them know that you are worried about catching the virus and would they mind sticking to the guidelines for the 2 weeks before Christmas.

@WALKING2

Come on *@CathTurnbull*

This is a bit rich - slagging off your family when you are doing what they are doing......

I've been 'quite active for example went out a lot with the ‘eat out to help out’ scheme and went to Corfu last minute for my birthday and got back yesterday'.

Now you posted that on 1st September now here you are calling your family Cov-diots and selfish etc for basically doing what you have been doing....

Surely all that is irrelevant and if you don't want to cook Christmas dinner don't make up rubbish about them and just say you don't want to do it - let the DH do it this year. No worries about them coming over because they have been doing the same as you - caught out telling porky pies.

Haha caught out! Hypocritical, much?

This is a silly thread!

You are describing your behaviour and then saying it is your family. You have posted on another thread about what you say they are doing and calling them idiots.

I guess you meant to call yourself one then? How odd or did you just make up a completely random situation it doesn't make any sense at all?

What is going on?

How odd.

your husband is being unreasonable by demanding that they come over.

Id play it by ear op as it may be they can't by then anyway. But no, I wouldn't want them either.

I put YABU simply because its early September .