To just bring a small child to a nice place to eat?

[FairyAndLavender]

Im probably going to get a bashing for this...

I take DS out to eat a lot and he's okay, but they're only generic places that are clearly family friendly.

DS is 3 soon but has ASD and he makes a lot of loud sharp intakes of breath to self regulate.

He can be a bit tricky to keep still sometimes but I'd NEVER allow any getting down!

Anyway, it's my grandmother's birthday soon and I've booked a fancy tapas place in Covent Garden, the website says it is small and intimate so shouldn't be too many people there anyway.

AIBU to bring DS knowing there's a chance he could really annoy people?

I think you should go for it. Even if your DS occasionally annoys others, they should be able to tolerate one night of mild irritation.

I might change my view if it’s a late dinner because people maybe have more right to expect a child free environment in those circumstances. But for lunch or an early dinner I think it’s absolutely fine.

if I went to a small intimate place for dinner I'd be annoyed at any children there never mind a 3yo making noises. can you go check the place out and see if other families are there?

Sorry! It's a lunch, 1pm.

Apparently they have dimmed lights which DS may be very happy with, although I've never noticed a dislike towards bright lights

YABU, because your son has ASD but because he is 3. People don't pay good money and get babysitters to spend the evening with other people's children.

This is one of those no win situations.

It's not fair on you to never be able to go out for a nice meal with your son, and it would be unfair on other customers if he disturbed them.

So, I'd go lunch only, but not a late evening one. People expect/tolerate a bit more noise at lunch time.

Jeanne it's at 1pm

In the few times we've eaten out since covid, I've found they're keeping diners away from each other and have spare tables in between. So you may find you're far enough away that it wouldn't annoy people too much anyway. I also have a child.woyh ASD who does the air sucking in thing, so I know what you're talking about!

Ah, just seen it's lunch. It's fine. Go, and enjoy x

For lunch fine, dinner no way. And I say that as the mother of an autistic boy.

Lunch at a restaurant with a three year old is fine. And is actually a good way of getting children used to the environment. Bring some colouring, quiet toys in case he needs distracting.

Definitely go, it's not unusual in London to see small children at lunch with their parents - even in the high end places. The restaurant will be glad of your custom at the moment.

A fancy restaurant isn't a suitable place for a 3 yo. Please tell me it's not Barrafina?

Bring some colouring, quiet toys in case he needs distracting

Haha, colouring. I wish he would do that! I also wish he would play with actual toys

If you know theres a good chance that he’s going to annoy other people, then that’s your answer, you shouldn’t really need to ask.

Go adults only when you go to the fancy place and then go somewhere else more family friendly so that there can be a celebration that includes your ds.

It isn't the Barrafina, no. I looked but apparently they're just stools so not suitable anyway

Lunch no problems, I would not say the same for dinner

It’s lunch, so go. It’ll be fine.

Just air sucking? Fine.
Crying, shouting, etc - not fine.

We take out DDs out to nice places occasionally. Rowdy behaviour resulted in them leaving. They’ve only done it once as it meant they were whisked away before pudding. If you’ve got distractions for him (E.G. I take colouring books for mine - appreciate this might not work for you but an equivalent) then it’ll be fine.

Careful @NailsNeedDoing. You're essentially saying children with a disability which potentially irritates others should never be allowed a nice meal. And that's totally wrong.

On another note, barrafina looks awesome, I just googled it.

I would have thought small and intimate was the worst kind of restaurant to choose.

People are much more likely to be impacted by a fellow of diner's behaviour than a larger place.

Lunch time is better than evenings and current curcumstances are probably better than usual with more spacing and less sensory input.

DS1 was a bugger for eating out at that age...he didn't get his diagnosis until 9. At Christmas we had a big lunch out. I took ear defenders and a little games console as it was going to be a couple of hours and was quite an echoey venue.

Colouring has never worked for us (dyspraxia) and reading is awkward (dyslexia)

I think you should go
I hope you have a lovely time

@FairyAndLavender

Bring some colouring, quiet toys in case he needs distracting

Haha, colouring. I wish he would do that! I also wish he would play with actual toys

Ah, well, I'm sure he will be fine.

Also I think we need to work on being more accepting as a society of people's tics and coping mechanisms. I'd rather hear unusual breathing from time to time, than make someone feel uncomfortable for having a family meal.

Have a lovely time!

I think it is good that you are socialising your son in this way and enjoying each other's company.
He, from what you've said, sounds manageable in that you like taking him out to eat, so I don't see a problem with a bit of noisy breathing.