To just bring a small child to a nice place to eat?

[FairyAndLavender]

Im probably going to get a bashing for this...

I take DS out to eat a lot and he's okay, but they're only generic places that are clearly family friendly.

DS is 3 soon but has ASD and he makes a lot of loud sharp intakes of breath to self regulate.

He can be a bit tricky to keep still sometimes but I'd NEVER allow any getting down!

Anyway, it's my grandmother's birthday soon and I've booked a fancy tapas place in Covent Garden, the website says it is small and intimate so shouldn't be too many people there anyway.

AIBU to bring DS knowing there's a chance he could really annoy people?

People are free not to eat in restaurants if the risk of having children near them is so freaky and upsetting to them

Indeed. Some of the posters here are frankly weird, like the ones saying that when we go out to eat we have to think about whether or not other diners will be upset by our presence.

I think it would be fine to bring your son. With SD in place there will probably be fewer diners than usual to be "disturbed" anyway
Can he be distracted or entertained by iPad, or book, or whatever works best for you, if he gets bored or unsettled? I don't see why kids with SEN should have to not be taken out into society. Based on your description of his behaviour I wouldn't have a problem with him being in restaurant at a lunch time for a special occasion.

@JinglingHellsBells

I never said it was a party. Just a meal I have booked for her, myself and my son as a little day out to Covent Garden

@FairyAndLavender Yes but my point is the same. Ask your Gran. No idea how old she is- she could be 50 or 85- but looking at the restaurant online, it's all bar stools so not the comfiest place for an older person (if she is) and definitely not IMO suitable for a toddler.

Why not leave your child at home and take her out for a lovely tea somewhere like Browns or a lovely hotel?

I don't think the OP was asking for advice as to whether the place was suitable for her gran...?

I know EXACTLY the noise you mean. My son is 6, severely autistic, learning disabilities and non verbal and he has started making that noise recently.
I would have no qualms about taking him to such a restaurant. He sits to the table, he watches his tablet (very quietly) and he doesn't get up and run around. He is very vocal though, but I'm not going to hide him away in case his noises get on someone's nerves, it's not his fault he's disabled.
I wouldn't take him to fancy restaurant at night though, but I wouldn't take his neurotypical twin either.

Go for it and enjoy. And yes, I know that noise very well! Much less annoying than kids giggling and squealing.

Two of my autistic children enjoy eating out, so we do it a lot - just aim to leave by 8pm when people wanting a quiet romantic meal are likely to arrive. Sometimes we've given ds1 a tablet to play on silently so he can cope with a delay, but I've got good at asking for the bill to come with the main course so we can escape quickly if things suddenly get too much. Ironically the worst for delivering the bill and letting us.pay quickly tend to be Pizza Express and the other 'family' places people think we should be in, whereas other 'posher' places are happy for payment up front just in case, happily bring a glass of ice cubes as requested, and generally welcome us and our cash.

It's lunch. Also anyone not wanting to dine around potentially anyone should either pay for private dinning or eat at home where their dislike of people due to their age needn't bother anyone else.

If he gets shushed a lot by strangers, will he find this upsetting? Will you?

Yes I'd be very pissed off. Because even if a NT child was just being loud and annoying, I wouldn't shhh them. That's beyond out of place for a stranger to do

If he gets shushed a lot by strangers, will he find this upsetting? Will you?
Yes I fucking would! Do you routinely tell people in your vicinity to shhh?

Only a complete rude arsehole would shush a strangers child. I wouldnt say its a very common thing to happen. Unless you do this yourself, why would it even occur to you as a possibility?! Let alone by "a lot" of people !

It’s fine! I find it abhorrent that people want those with disabilities to stay out of the way.

It seems like his needs are being put last. Can’t the adults chose somewhere where he can enjoy? A small intimate restaurant doesn’t sound like a fun place for a 3 year old.

I think a lot of people don’t mind if kids are a bit disruptive if the kids have SEN. I suspect that his breathing might make that obvious to other diners so they should be tolerant of any noise etc. I’m always pleased when I see parents of kids who are not NT out for meals and I’m sure lots of others think the same. If a kid ‘appears’ to be NT and is being disruptive I firstly have to remind myself that they actually might not be NT and then I have to remind myself that the family might just be having a bad day and no ones perfect etc etc. Easier said than done sometimes.
BTW. I really hope I’ve used ok terms. Really sorry if I haven’t.

I think a lunch is absolutely fine, take him. I'm not a huge fan of kids in restaurants and pubs at night as I just want to have a grown up dinner but I don't think anyone should be getting the hump about a lunch.

The sad truth OP is that people will definitely be annoyed by him. They go out for a nice meal to relax and enjoy themselves, not to listen to a child being noisy.
However, of course these people do not know your child has problems, and you cannot be 1. Expected to go round to each individual table and explain your child's needs and 2. Forced to stay at home because of said child's needs.
Just take him out, try not to worry about people's responses and enjoy yourselves. If you're a bit worried then why don't you phone the restaurant and explain to them your situation? They may be able to seat you away from others so you have your own space.
Enjoy your evening

I'd be 100% fine with this!

If I'd booked a babysitter for a rare night out with a hot dinner date at 9pm, I might be a bit pissed off with children running around or shrieking. At that time it wouldn't be your ds's noises etc that would specifically bother me, just 'Bloody hell I've paid for a sitter & a posh meal to get away from kids!' Any kids. Unless completely 'seen but not heard'.

When mine were tiny, we used to regularly go for an early evening curry with another couple. We took our toddlers out if they were being a pain. Our friends did not. We rapidly put a stop to the dining arrangement & made ourselves available for the pub, no kids, babysitters in place, because the alternative would definitely have been calling time on our friendship with the other couple. It was hideously embarrassing, & whilst their dd is now a delightful teenager, at three her idea of fun was shrieking/running around tables/grabbing waiters by the legs - all while her doting parents looked on indulgently.

But you're talking about lunchtime. It's perfectly ok for 3yo to be having lunch with their family. Funny noises? No big deal at all.

Hope you all have a lovely lunch!

Can't believe the poll!! You can take hi wherever you want, but it might put your mind at ease of you call the restaurant ahead to explain your son's needs and whether there is anywhere semi private for you all where you can get on with your meal in peace away from guys and stares

Away from tuts and stares

AIBU to bring DS knowing there's a chance he could really annoy people

Please stop stressing,OP It's lunchtime at a tapas bar Covent Garden, not dinner at the Ivy.

The only thing you should be concerned in this situation about is whether your DS and your Grandmother will enjoy themselves.