Page 4 | To just bring a small child to a nice place to eat?

Original poster

FairyAndLavender · 05/09/2020 10:44

For me the fact that he needs to do the breathing thing to regulate himself means I would not take him. For his benefit and no one else's. He is not comfortable in that situation and you can make the choice to help him by not putting him into that situation

He doesn't do it just because he's confused or upset. It's at its worst actually when he's excited and generally very happy!

He does it at home far more than out and about

OP posts:

Witchend · 05/09/2020 10:44

What do you mean about sharp intakes of breath?
Because what I would think you mean, I doubt anyone outside the table would even notice it.

However if you mean high pitched shrieks while he breathes in, then it depends on how much he needs to do it. If you mean he'll do it when sitting down and getting settled, then I wouldn't worry about it.

If you mean he'll do it 3 times every minutes, then no it's not going to be sensible. If you were next to our family we'd probably have to leave as it would cause my dc with hearing issues physical pain, that he would take some time to get over.

Obviously there's a gap in between, only you know where he falls.

For me, if it was me next to you, I'd probably just feel thankful I wasn't having to deal with it, but as I said it would cause issues for ds if it's high pitched shrieks and coming regularly through the meal.

Newnamenewopenme · 05/09/2020 10:45

In fact I would prefer to sit next to your child learning how to act in public than I would a group of drunk rowdy men or cackling women 🤭

Lovemusic33 · 05/09/2020 10:51

British people are so “anti children” when it comes to eating out. It kind of annoys me as children need to learn through experiencing situations. In Spain children are made welcome everywhere, people don’t seem to moan about them.

Of course it can be a bit annoying if a child is running around and/or being noisy when your trying to eat but I think at lunch time (when children are awake) then it’s fine to eat out with them.

I have 2 teens with ASD, they like eating out, it took a while to get them used to sitting still, dd2 has many verbal stims, she hums, she talks to herself and flaps her arms when excited but I still take her to eat out because she enjoys it and deserves to be there as much as anyone else.

OP, go and enjoy x

YummyJamDoughnut · 05/09/2020 10:51

For lunch it's fine.
Can you ask for a table in a quieter spot just in case? (maybe phone and explain in advance?)

ItsAlwaysSunnyOnMN · 05/09/2020 10:55

I’ve not been to a tapas restaurant that is quiet like some fine dining places are

It will fine others need to be more accepting

And it’s the day not 10 at night

Please go and try not to worry and enjoy yourselves

WorraLiberty · 05/09/2020 10:56

OP, is there another issue that you're worried about but haven't mentioned here?

Sharp intakes of breath from a well behaved child would be A) Pretty unnoticeable/unremarkable and B) No more 'annoying' than someone getting hiccups.

PumpkinsandAutumnLeaves · 05/09/2020 10:56

Some of these answers are shocking and shameful. Op, of course your son should go out to a family celebration meal with you. He's part of the family and has as much right to be there as the the posters on this thread complaining that he shouldn't be there because of his ASD. I'd rather sit next to your son than them with their shitty attitude . So only perfect, NT children can go to nice restaurants with their parents? Unreal.

Original poster

FairyAndLavender · 05/09/2020 10:57

Hmm, not sure how to explain the sharp intakes of breath. The noise is hard to explain.

Probably a bit likr a Zebra/donkey noise but no double sound if that makes sense? So for example if a donkey went eeee-orrrr it would just be the eeee part that you'd hear. Probably sounds more zebra like though

Sorry, can't explain it any better

OP posts:

GetOffYourHighHorse · 05/09/2020 11:01

'would look at it from your child's point of view. If you think he can handle it and would enjoy it then go for it.'

Yes this is key. Nevermind the other diners, but if you spend all your time telling him to sit still would he or you even enjoy it. Kids should eat out and learn table manners from an early age, I dont think they should have to stay in KFC but logistically 3yr olds can be a handful so it's down to if you and him can cope with it.

Mamadoll · 05/09/2020 11:01

Take your son and enjoy yourselves. At 3yo children can be restless etc in restaurants regardless of any learning difficulties. He may even enjoy this style of restaurant, they tend to be a bit more relaxed and tapas might appeal to him if he has sensory preferences with food as my godson does. Go and have fun both of you.

Msmcc1212 · 05/09/2020 11:05

Your son has every right to enjoy the same things as any other child and it is our job as fellow human beings to learn to tolerate and even celebrate differences in each other. In other cultures children are welcomed and included in all family meals, it’s a great way of helping them to learn the social skills and manners needed.

If you were in a restaurant that I was in, even if I found the noise irritating, I would be glad that he was included and part of the family celebration. It would be my own responsibility to manage my irritation, not your job to protect me from things which might be irritating to me.

Hope you all have a fab time.

WorraLiberty · 05/09/2020 11:06

@FairyAndLavender

Hmm, not sure how to explain the sharp intakes of breath. The noise is hard to explain.

Probably a bit likr a Zebra/donkey noise but no double sound if that makes sense? So for example if a donkey went eeee-orrrr it would just be the eeee part that you'd hear. Probably sounds more zebra like though

Sorry, can't explain it any better

I can see it must be very difficult to explain in type but 10/10 for trying!

I'd go for it OP. It's 1pm lunch and if people can't put up with a child making unavoidable low level noise like that, they should probably have a sandwich and a cuppa at home.

Somethingsnappy · 05/09/2020 11:07

@PumpkinsandAutumnLeaves

Some of these answers are shocking and shameful. Op, of course your son should go out to a family celebration meal with you. He's part of the family and has as much right to be there as the the posters on this thread complaining that he shouldn't be there because of his ASD. I'd rather sit next to your son than them with their shitty attitude

. So only perfect, NT children can go to nice restaurants with their parents? Unreal.

Well said!

Toontown · 05/09/2020 11:08

Fuck me the British "children should be seen and not heard" bollocks is alive and well on this thread.

doodleygirl · 05/09/2020 11:10

I find noisy adults much more annoying than a small child.
Enjoy your lunch.

Mamadoll · 05/09/2020 11:11

@Toontown

Fuck me the British "children should be seen and not heard" bollocks is alive and well on this thread.

I know, right? Between this thread and the wedding one, I am speechless.

GrumpyHoonMain · 05/09/2020 11:13

@FairyAndLavender

Im probably going to get a bashing for this...

I take DS out to eat a lot and he's okay, but they're only generic places that are clearly family friendly.

DS is 3 soon but has ASD and he makes a lot of loud sharp intakes of breath to self regulate.

He can be a bit tricky to keep still sometimes but I'd NEVER allow any getting down!

Anyway, it's my grandmother's birthday soon and I've booked a fancy tapas place in Covent Garden, the website says it is small and intimate so shouldn't be too many people there anyway.

AIBU to bring DS knowing there's a chance he could really annoy people?

I think I know which tapas place you mean. If I’m right you have nothing to worry about it is really family friendly.

Ploughingthrough · 05/09/2020 11:13

Wow I am so surprised that people think you shouldn't take him out, especially over lunch. Of course your DS should go with you to enjoy a family celebration, taking sightly noisy breaths or whatever it is that he does is not a reason never to take him out to eat Horrible attitudes on here. I hope you go and that you have a lovely time.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 05/09/2020 11:16

I think this sounds fine as a lunch visit, and he sounds cute! Loving the noises description!
I’ve eaten in most tapas places around there (love tapas ) so it’s fairly likely I’d know it, if you do want to say which it is. But I can’t think of any which would be inappropriate so don’t worry!

MaosChaos · 05/09/2020 11:17

You know if your child can cope.
My youngest is 11, he has autism. He eats out at various places posh/cheap chains.
I've used screens to keep him calm and occupied whilst waiting, now he's 11 it's easier as we just talk about his latest obsessive subject.
He loves eating out. I always ensure I check out the quickest point of exit in case of a meltdown disaster.

hahaboink · 05/09/2020 11:17

I eat out at normal restaurants in the middle of London all the time with my kids. There are some restaurants I wouldn’t go to but tapas is never really that fancy is it? Is it Opera Tavern? If so you’ll be totally fine. If not, that’s where you should go because it’s awesome

whiteroseredrose · 05/09/2020 11:18

I'd go.

What you describe is really minor for anyone around you. No worse than a regular sniff / cough / throat clearing.

I think people object to DC when their parents let them run around and disturb others.

Somethingsnappy · 05/09/2020 11:18

I wish I could say the responses in this thread have surprised me, but they haven't unfortunately. As I mentioned up thread, it's quite a unique attitude to this country in my experience. Other countries welcome children as a cherished part of society and are not expected to be confined to a limited number of activities or establishments. I do understand that much of the frustration is aimed at parents of badly behaved children, but I have been disturbed much more frequently by drunk or obnoxious adults. Of course, it's often this type of adult who are the parents of the badly behaved children in the first place!

Elieza · 05/09/2020 11:19

This is why cinemas introduced special showings for the non neuro typical viewers. So they could enjoy the film making whatever noises or sitting however the like and nobody would bother and all could relax and enjoy.

I wish other places would do this too. So you wouldnt have to think twice and could go enjoy yourselves with no worry. Be it a restaurant or a shop.

However I don’t think many do that. Yet.

My mum and I went out for lunch recently for the first time this year and it was spoiled because we could barely hear each other speak over the noise of the next table’s children. The parents were also loud. We left early which was a shame as she doesn’t get out much.

I can absolutely tolerate noise and more inclined to do so for someone who is usually like that as opposed to badly behaved children running about who should have been better taught not to.

However if it’s a special thing it can spoil it. If I went to Covent Garden for the first time as a one off and kids were screeching it would make me tense. It would spoil it for me. If they noise was barely noticeable and they weren’t sat at the next table then that wouldnt bother me at all.

I wonder if there is a way to ask for a table somewhere it would be peaceful to let dc relax and you not have to worry about noise disturbing others? They may have a small expensive private room which is free that if nobody books they could put your party there at no extra cost providing it would have been unused anyway?