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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just bring a small child to a nice place to eat?

192 replies

FairyAndLavender · 05/09/2020 09:15

Im probably going to get a bashing for this...

I take DS out to eat a lot and he's okay, but they're only generic places that are clearly family friendly.

DS is 3 soon but has ASD and he makes a lot of loud sharp intakes of breath to self regulate.

He can be a bit tricky to keep still sometimes but I'd NEVER allow any getting down!

Anyway, it's my grandmother's birthday soon and I've booked a fancy tapas place in Covent Garden, the website says it is small and intimate so shouldn't be too many people there anyway.

AIBU to bring DS knowing there's a chance he could really annoy people? Sad

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 05/09/2020 09:42

Fine.

I can’t bear children running around, but what you’ve described would not bother me.

We took our dc to high end places from fairly young. I actually found their behaviour was worse in ‘family friendly’ places because other children would be running around and yelling and that encouraged them, whereas somewhere quiet and calm resulted in quiet and calm children.

Coffeecak3 · 05/09/2020 09:44

Go and enjoy it. I love to see children in restaurants and lunch time is a more relaxed occassion.
As long as he stays at the table I think that's fine.

Original poster
FairyAndLavender · 05/09/2020 09:45

I was always taken to very fancy places as a DC. I knew how to behave and conduct myself from an early age.

But, I was an only child that didn't much like kids anyway Grin and no autism...

OP posts:
Brefugee · 05/09/2020 09:45

Even if your DS occasionally annoys others, they should be able to tolerate one night of mild irritation.

get out of here. People don't eat out much now and the last thing they need is being disturbed by someone else's kid.

briebuiltthiscity · 05/09/2020 09:47

I think it’s fine. It depends if you think you may feel uncomfortable. If it’s somewhere super tiny like the Porthouse you may want to ask for a certain table or speak to them ahead of time to see if you can get a more secluded space.

maddy68 · 05/09/2020 09:47

Just don't. People pay good money to have a nice lunch not to have it spoiled by children. (My own son has ASD too. So I empathize) but just no

Daisy2220 · 05/09/2020 09:50

Of course you should bring him. Ignore anyone who gets irritated by a child being himself. They are being ridiculous. He has every right to be there.
Bring him and enjoy yourselfSmile

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 05/09/2020 09:51

Go enjoy your lunch! I hope your little one enjoys it too.Presumably there will be people there he adores and they too will surely help occupy him if he gets a bit fretful? He is part of your family in my view and shouldnt be left out of anything,its unfair to expect that. I took our daughter with us from her being able to sit in a chair! You find usually the staff are very good with children too so that will help with the relaxed atmosphere. My daughter is 8 now and we do high end and its fine.Maybe an idea would be to help you more than anyone else would be to telephone or email the restaraunt before hand and ask their advice about a table seating,maybe have one away from the doors or out of the way of people coming and going past as this could be unsettling for your litle one? just an idea.I hope you all have the best time.

HermioneGranger20 · 05/09/2020 09:54

I was seated behind a family the other day. Kids were Levi and Tyson (they seemed sweet tbf) but they where loud. The whole family was LOUD. Mum had a really deep voice and they shouted and the kids ran about behind my chair I left with a headache. Your son would be a pleasure much rather him. Dont be ashamed or embarrassed OP . I was when my son was younger (feel so cruel saying it) but I would get embarrassed and look at people with the 'I'm so sorry' eyes. My son had physical and vocal tics and he would shout a specific character from an animated TV show. His head jerking tic would give him kneck ache, he would tap his throat and make a noise. I feel awful for being embarrassed by that little boy. Hes grown out of his tics now he had loads and doesnt have any now.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 05/09/2020 09:56

I have always taken DD to restaurants at lunch and dinner times. She’s been to family friendly and more fancy places. I wouldn’t have even considered not bringing her. She doesn’t have ASD though and is perfectly well behaved in a restaurant. We take things to entertain her so she won’t get bored. The one time she screamed was because she fell down the stairs coming back from the toilets. We had tears after that but we didn’t stay longer than we had to (paying the bill and DH getting the car).

I don’t mind other people’s children either. As long as they aren’t running around or screaming endlessly, I don’t even really notice them. I’m not one of those people who see children as an irritant though if they’re not completely silent. I’ve been to restaurants where adults are much louder and more irritating than any children.

Livpool · 05/09/2020 09:59

I would take him.

I get a bit annoyed when me and DH go out without DS but then other people are likely annoyed when we do all go out together. So it's just life really - children are a part of society

Somethingsnappy · 05/09/2020 10:00

This country has such a low tolerance for the presence of children in anything other than designated 'family friendly' places. I've never seen anything quite like it in any of the other countries I've lived in or visited. Overtones of the Victorian era in my opinion! I do think the parents need to be responsible for making sure the children are behaving and not disturbing other people, but the experience and learning has to start somewhere. Not a popular opinion from what I can gather from reading other responses, but I often feel surprised at this country's attitude to children.

RedRumTheHorse · 05/09/2020 10:01

*DS is 3 soon but has ASD and he makes a lot of loud sharp intakes of breath to self regulate.

He can be a bit tricky to keep still sometimes but I'd NEVER allow any getting down!*

He sounds fine as long as he isn't running around as that's dangerous for him, the staff and other customers.

As a PP pointed out I've always found the children I'm with seem to behave better when there aren't other children in the place running around.

SunbathingDragon · 05/09/2020 10:03

Go and I hope you enjoy your lunch.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2020 10:04

@arethereanyleftatall

Careful *@NailsNeedDoing*. You're essentially saying children with a disability which potentially irritates others should never be allowed a nice meal. And that's totally wrong.

On another note, barrafina looks awesome, I just googled it.

No. As a general principle, nice restaurants aren't the best places to school your toddler in Dining Out.

However, for a lunch I think it's worth a try.

GetOffYourHighHorse · 05/09/2020 10:05

I always found at 3yrs old our kids would get easily bored so for that reason I'd go to a more child friendly place where they can make a bit of noise without being constantly shushed. You've said yourself he doesn't like to sit still.

More for the childs sake as well as other diners. It doesn't have to be sticky soft plays but there is a happy medium between that and a small, intimate fancy place. You'll end up stressed as will your gm.

Start the fancy places when he's a bit older, 5ish.

Nanny0gg · 05/09/2020 10:06

@Somethingsnappy

This country has such a low tolerance for the presence of children in anything other than designated 'family friendly' places. I've never seen anything quite like it in any of the other countries I've lived in or visited. Overtones of the Victorian era in my opinion! I do think the parents need to be responsible for making sure the children are behaving and not disturbing other people, but the experience and learning has to start somewhere. Not a popular opinion from what I can gather from reading other responses, but I often feel surprised at this country's attitude to children.
It's more this country's attitude towards their lazy, entitled parents who let them disturb other diners
roses2 · 05/09/2020 10:07

Lunch in a London Zone 1 restaurant shouldn't be a problem at all. Zone 1 is so quiete at the moment I'll be really surprised if it's fully booked.

Nottherealslimshady · 05/09/2020 10:09

I think for lunch that's fine. So long as you are managing his behaviour and hes not running round or shouting. He can and needs to learn

alliejay81 · 05/09/2020 10:13

Yeah it's fine, but I'd say it's fine in the evening too. Other people being mildly irritating is part and parcel of communal dining. Lots and lots of adults are very irritating (loud talkers, people that leave their chair too far out, etc etc) but no-one in their right mind would think they couldn't go to a restaurant.

Enjoy your meal!

welliving · 05/09/2020 10:15

Restaurant supervisor here - I personally have no issues with people coming in with children as long as they aren’t running around as others have said. Sometimes you get tables where children are crawling out from underneath when you’re walking past with trays of drinks or hot plates and that can be frustrating!

Sometimes we have people come in with children and the adults are making more noise than the children trying to ‘shush’ them and make them absolutely silent. I’ve heard plenty of parents shout “and this is why we’re never bringing you again” at toddlers and young children which I don’t think is effective either, and again causes more of a scene than the quiet chattering!

I also definitely think children who come out for food frequently will behave better and be more relaxed when out. We have a few families who come in every week and their children are all very good and used to it/ know what’s expected of them.

Agree with other posters that with table spacing etc people are unlikely to be close enough to be affected by the breathing.

If a restaurant didn’t want children there they would most likely have an adults only policy. Do they offer a children’s menu/high chairs or have other accommodations in place? If you’re worried I would ring the restaurant and just say you’re bringing them and wanted to check it was okay/ let them know so they can seat you wherever is best.

I think lunchtime is a good idea, and going forward between 3-6 is very quiet in most places if they serve at those times so could be good to go around then if you find lunchtime is too busy.

ChickenwingChickenwing · 05/09/2020 10:16

For me the fact that he needs to do the breathing thing to regulate himself means I would not take him. For his benefit and no one else's. He is not comfortable in that situation and you can make the choice to help him by not putting him into that situation.

And before anyone comes along with the 'you can't stop doing things because you have an autistic child' nonsense, if it affects tour child negatively then yes, you can pick and choose what you do with them. Lunch out isn't necessary.

Blackdog19 · 05/09/2020 10:17

I think it should be fine. I’d be annoyed in a small restaurant if it was lots of screaming/crying and the parent didn’t take the child out but you don’t sound like that would be the case. Plus it’s a lunch. Hope you enjoy

Somethingsnappy · 05/09/2020 10:17

@NannyOgg, I agree to some extent, but I think there is more to it than that. In my experience, parents such as those you describe are still the minority.

Lifeaintalwaysempty · 05/09/2020 10:19

I think taking your kids somewhere nice for lunch is fine, agree with the PP who said our tolerance for children out of a family only setting is too low! However the point about how quickly children of this age get bored is valid- My main thought would be will you still enjoy it whilst you are constantly trying to keep him busy... plan for that I guess!