To just bring a small child to a nice place to eat?

[FairyAndLavender]

Im probably going to get a bashing for this...

I take DS out to eat a lot and he's okay, but they're only generic places that are clearly family friendly.

DS is 3 soon but has ASD and he makes a lot of loud sharp intakes of breath to self regulate.

He can be a bit tricky to keep still sometimes but I'd NEVER allow any getting down!

Anyway, it's my grandmother's birthday soon and I've booked a fancy tapas place in Covent Garden, the website says it is small and intimate so shouldn't be too many people there anyway.

AIBU to bring DS knowing there's a chance he could really annoy people?

By ‘not that fancy’ I mean tapas is a sociable noisy meal usually. It’s not white table cloths, hushed tones and silver service. I can’t think of any tapas restaurants where kids wouldn’t be welcome at lunch. Also someone said there’s nothing for kids to eat at tapas - my kids love it! Meatballs, patatas bravas without sauce, tortilla, beans, calamari, bread etc

It doesn’t sound like the ideal place for a 3 year old at all. Have you checked their actually allow children?

Asd really is a spectrum. Wish mine had the kind where i could 'not allow any getting down' and all he did was take sharp intakes of breath. We'd eat out every day!

I have two children with ASD, one has ADHD and complex needs. I have always taken them to restaurants, fancy ones as well, both used to make low level noises like you describe, the complex one still does and he is 13 now.I used to take colouring or take a quick break outside if the wait was long. How are they supposed to learn how to behave in these places if they never go? In my experience the fancy restaurants were much better at figuring out that children needed to be served a bit quicker and the waiting staff didn't leave as long a gap between courses.

One of my best memories is of my youngest eating gnocchi with truffle sauce while making satisfied appreciative noises. The kitchen staff came out to see! I got a lot of compliments that day.

Both of them took a long time to master cutlery...but going out and working with them on what to do and good table manners etc has meant that I can take both teenagers out to eat literally anywhere with no issues.

I have never had to use it but I have practised my response to any comments...Its..."he has Autism" politely but with a confused air as if I'm quite surprised they didn't know. As if they have expressed the complaint that it is cold in January.

Totally go for it.

This is making me hungry, the last place I visited in Covent Garden which I can recommend is Salvador and Amanda, not sure if suitable for a toddler though as I don't remember seeing high chairs (my own DC are adults now and I have forgotten what age children sit in normal chairs, but some 2 year olds may still be in a highchair if my memory serves me correctly) :) Have a lovely meal Op

We've taken dd to restaurants since she was a baby and not had a problem with her. We always took things to keep her busy when she was younger and she was never allowed to screech or run around.

I've had meals ruined by loud adults and by badly behaved children belonging to loud adults.

No matter how posh a restaurant is, if I was out for a meal (lunch or dinner), I'd have no problem with children of any age being there provided they were being parented.

It's more this country's attitude towards their lazy, entitled parents who let them disturb other diners

Exactly! You may love your child, think s/he is cute with endearing little foibles but they can be annoying to those who are paying a lot for their lunch!

I think take him. The worst kids are those that run around, screams uncontrollably etc. You sound like your dc just makes some audible sound. Also, I feel that if he was disruptive, you would take measures to sort out the situation, rather than excusing him as being ‘spirited’.

To the posters asking which one it is, it is called Comodas? Something like that, off the top of my head. If nobody knows it i will double check spelling on the actual booking!

You're essentially saying children with a disability which potentially irritates others should never be allowed a nice meal.

And you’re essentially saying nobody should ever expect to have quiet enjoyment in certain situations and they just need to accept that.

As with all things, life isn’t as simple as that and people need to recognise he needs of others. Here’s an example - DD’s disability means that she finds sudden noises really difficult to deal with. We’ve been in situations where she’s been badly affected by kids (or even adults) with disabilities making these types of noises. One time we were having breakfast at the start of a day out, she got such a scare she spilled an entire drink down herself and we had to go home to change, day out cancelled.

We choose places which tend to be quieter, we avoid family places at busy times and never sit in the family areas. I would be a little annoyed if having chosen a quiet, intimate place, there was a family with loud children there. Does the disability of another person trump her disability needs? Or do we all just try to rub along together to do the best we can for everyone.

There are places we physically can’t go because of DD’s disability. Many places we do go, we are restricted because of it. We accept that (mostly) and make our choices accordingly.

@FairyAndLavender only you can decide if your son will be too disruptive. If I were you, I’d probably go, but be prepared to leave if it caused problems.

I don't even understand most of the responses on this thread.

People without children or who have older children who aren't with them don't own restaurants.

They are public places, and restaurants can let in who they like.

People with children, even a bit noisy ones, might be there.

People are free not to eat in restaurants if the risk of having children near them is so freaky and upsetting to them.

People with children should just crack on and live their normal lives, including going out to lunch or dinner (I've taken mine to dinner in nice places all over Europe).

People try to make out there's a set of unwritten rules, but really, they are unwritten so don't count.

In Europe people are nicer to kids and nicer in general when you are out in public. I don't know why the Uk is so incredibly uptight.

Apologies, it is Condesa

I think it's ok for lunch as long as you're respectful of other diners, which IMO is taking him out if he isn't coping.

it simply isn't fair on other diners to suck it up and in a small establishment it will be more obvious, and you surely will be on edge so won't enjoy it either.

Only you know the likely outcome and can make that decision.

@mrsBtheparker

It's more this country's attitude towards their lazy, entitled parents who let them disturb other diners

Exactly! You may love your child, think s/he is cute with endearing little foibles but they can be annoying to those who are paying a lot for their lunch!

Many adults are annoying to me when i'm trying to enjoy an expensive lunch too! More, in fact.

Your child is a person too. Just as much a right to be there as anyone.

OP you sound a lovely mum and I'd go and enjoy yourself. You've said yourself you will take him out if he becomes unsettled.

Not like the child my sister in law and I encountered recently. Went to a local pub for their pizza oven. Was a lovely evening so we sat out. This was about 8:30pm. All the time we were there, for 2 hours, another child would not leave us alone. My sister in law had brought her dog along, who was sat lovely under our table. Said child, about 5 or 6, kept coming over waving cuddly toys in dogs face, talking to us constantly etc. We tried telling him to go back to his parents, to go eat his food etc but no luck. Not once did his parents say anything to him. In the end we had to ask them to get their child away from our table. So annoying. Especially as we'd gone without any of our children.

Really shocked by some of the responses on this thread.

Take him and enjoy, it sounds like you are an excellent parent who handles the situation well and wouldn’t allow runnjnga round/disruptive behaviour. In almost every other country in the world, this would not even be a question. Children should have good table manners, and should be able to eat anywhere adults do.

If you’re worried he might be a bit loud, you can always ask for a table not right in the middle of everything, where you can get a bit more space? But don’t ever let horrid judgemental people make you feel he can’t wat wherever he wants. Frankly I think someone would have to have a fairly sad life to take issue at that.

I think you should go. My twins are almost 4, both autistic and we rarely take them out to eat because I find it stressful and worry about others, even though my boys are very quiet. It’s really difficult when you can’t engage them in conversation or quiet play, and they’re not interested in colouring etc as they get bored. Last time we went out for a family meal we gave one an iPad (on silent) and the other had a passing interest in a few books so he looked at those. Now we would really struggle. So I think it’s awesome that you do it and wish I were more able to do it!

If you’re used to taking him out to eat and can usually keep him entertained then go for it! Sharp intake of breath is nothing compared to the sounds other adult diners make!

I wouldnt consider a physical tic like the breathing, flapping etc an issue. I'd be more bothered if a child was running around constantly or screaming or throwing food near me and no effort was made to stop that.

I was going to say I don't see the problem, but two thirds of the menu is drinks and no mention of a children's menu (I don't mean nuggets and chips, just half serves or simple versions of dishes) so it looks like more of an adult restaurant, I'd probably choose somewhere else.

In my experience of families with young children it is more often the parents who are louder and creating a scene. Unless there are children running around or shrieking, but I wouldn't expect silence from a child if I wouldn't from an adult in the same place.

Having just looked at their website if they allow children then it looks relaxed enough to possibly be ok.

For my DS who loves eating out he wouldn’t cope there because of the variety of smells which would be a complete overload for him.

Also if all meals, tapas is typically the loudest, most family friendly and casual? If you want to be guaranteed more space for your group (I find small tapas places a tad overwhelming) somewhere like Iberica is very spacious and private.

I don't think children's menus are essential. Most parts of the world don't have them and most restaurants with non-British cuisines don't have them.

When dd was a toddler, we just ordered things like starters and rice for her and gave her bits of our main meal.

I’m so confused by the concept of children’s menus 😂 I’m not from the UK and they’re not a thing in my country. Children eat the same food as adults, only difference is you might order them just a starter or sides if they’re small. For tapas, would surely just give a child a smaller plate of everything?

Absolutely I would go, dd loves tapas and the way it’s served means a fairly quick meal too. Have a lovely time!