To send a friend chocolates after death of her parent.

[starlet14]

I have a friend who doesn't live locally! She's lost a parent and I'd like to send something. She was wonderful when I went through the same. Even came to the funeral. Obviously I can't do the same due to covid.

She's not really into flowers. Would it be okay to send her some chocolates instead? For her and her kids or is it insensitive?? Just to cheer her up!

That sounds lovely. I’m sure she’d be very touched. I’ve lost a parent and chocolates would have been very welcome

Maybe a sympathy card? Chocolates just feels wrong IYSWIM, as you’d have to send them.

You know her best. I would have hated this with a passion. And as for “cheer her up”, if I’d heard someone suggest that such a thing were possible, shortly after my parent’s death, and in relation to chocolate – I would have ended the friendship.

But people are different.

Just send her a kind message. Chocolate really isn’t needed.

Hmm.. I'm not sure about chocolate. Although you are very kind to think of her. A heart felt card I'm sure would be a lovely gesture. A phone call, a date for coffee in a couple of weeks?

Chocolates aren't the obvious choice, but a friend sent me a big box of chocolates after my wife died and, actually, it was really nice. She put a note in saying that if I didn't feel like eating meals (which I didn't for a while) then I could just pick at chocolate, and I did just that. She sent me a few more random boxes in the following months too, just to let me know she was thinking of me. She's a good egg!

I think that’s a lovely idea, with a sympathy card. Just say thinking of you rather than to cheer you up.

I'd think it a little odd, to receive chocolates, but you know your friend best.

I'd send chocolates and wine with the message 'thinking of you'. It's not going to fix anything but will let her know you wanted to reach out.

I think the message would make or break this as a gesture. Suggesting that they were to cheer her up, insensitive. A small token to remind her that you are thinking of t and are sorry that you can't be there might be welcomed.

I think it would be a lovely way to show you are thinking of her, send them along with a sympathy card.

Yeah of course.

Anything to show you're thinking of her.

Chocolates and ‘thinking of you’ or ‘sorry everything is so shit’ would be a nice gesture I think. She might not eat them or be in the mood for them but it’ll show you’re thinking of her.

When my sister died I would have much preferred chocolates to flowers. I know people are well meaning with flowers but they're just something else that dies.

My friend sent me some Disney DVDs (to cheer me up) and a cheese hamper and it made me smile.

I was ready to hate everyone after the untimely death of my dad and a box of chocolates would have tipped me over the edge. As in DOES SHE THINK IT'S A FUCKING CELEBRATION???
But everyone is different and you know your friend

Thanks all. Thankfully not had to send many sympathy cards before. Of course I will send a card too! I just feel helpless. She was there so much when I went through similar. But due to covid it's a lot harder. She came to the funeral etc.

Chocolates seem like a 'celebration' gift to me, I can't put my finger on why. So if you did send them, I'd send a note explaining that you know she doesn't like flowers so wanted to give her something personal to her that would give her something to enjoy after all the stress she's been under.

I would hate chocolates, they feel celebration-y.

A card and a check in phone call to just be there for me every day for a bit would be priceless.

When my dad died, two people sent really nice, luxury chocolates and they were so well received. Had one box with my dsis and mum and one with my kids/dh. It was such a kind gesture- and they did cheer us up (obviously only to a point). It was so nice to sit down one evening and share them with each other and just chat. It was one of the bright spots at such a difficult time. Losing a parent was devastating- i was physically sick it was so awful, but weirdly there were still special times during that period and having something like that definitely helped.

Sounds random, but like others have said you know the person best

I had so many flowers after a bereavement and although a lovely gesture, they were something else that needed "looking after" - trim the stems, find a vase, keep them topped up with water, energy that I simply didn't have. A couple of friends gave me potted plants instead bouquets, no vases needed and this was much better!

Chocolates do feel a bit "gifty" but if you know a particular kind she likes and can tailor the message to this effect, I'm sure they will be appreciated more than another bunch of white lilies!

How about a candle that they could light in memory?

When I lost my sister I was very grateful for people's kind words and beautiful flowers, but actually I had so many bunches sent that it became overwhelming and I actually started to dread more of them arriving. It was hard finding vases and space but more than that, everywhere I looked there they were as a visual reminder of loss. I don't mean that to sound ungrateful this was just my feeling. I still now have a very negative association especially with lillies.

Someone sent me a cake from a posh bakers. That was really lovely and I didn't have to do anything to enjoy it, and once gone it was gone and not a constant lasting reminder all around the house.

It's a lovely thought, I wouldn't think anything of it. But please don't tell her they are to "cheer her up". She is allowed to be miserable. No one wants to be cheered up in those situations. I've lost a parent and siblings and the idea that people around me wanted me to smile made me so cross- it was almost as if their need to see me happy was greater than mine to grieve.

When my mum died I got so many bunches of flowers I had to borrow vases to put them all in. As soon as they started to die I threw them all out, I just couldn’t face dealing with them. Chocolates aren’t necessary but I’d have been really touched that you’d sent something