To send a friend chocolates after death of her parent.

[starlet14]

I have a friend who doesn't live locally! She's lost a parent and I'd like to send something. She was wonderful when I went through the same. Even came to the funeral. Obviously I can't do the same due to covid.

She's not really into flowers. Would it be okay to send her some chocolates instead? For her and her kids or is it insensitive?? Just to cheer her up!

Not the same situation, however when I lost my nana my best friend gave me a box of chocolate and a bottle of Prosecco. Her reasoning was I needed a night to do something that was just for me, that I enjoyed just for a few hours that could take my mind off. It was the best thing anybody could have done for me during that time and she knew me well enough to know just what I needed.
You know your friend better than any of us, if you think she'll appreciate the gesture then send them! If you think it'll be badly received just a little card and a note to remind you're thinking about her and there if she needs her would be just as nice.

Biscuiteers do some lovely 'with sympathy'biscuits. I recently sent my friend a Little MIss Hug biscuit with a note saying I was thinking about her

I'm only in my 40's and both my parents have been dead for a while now. I would have been touched that my friend cared enough to send a gift ( even though I certainly wouldn't expect such a thing). I cannot imagine being upset at a friend trying to show that they care but clearly I am not the norm.

It would be a lovely thing to do, but don't say anything about "cheering her up". Thinking of you would be a more appropriate sentiment at this time. My mother died six months ago, and I would have been thrilled with a box of chocolates.

I don’t like the acorn charm at all. I’d find that annoying and twee and I can’t imagine why anyone would want one.

I wish people would stop talking about what’s appropriate or etiquette. I hate that there’s “etiquette” around grief. It’s such a fucking horrific thing and people should be allowed to grieve however they want, not feel like they have to live up to some bs standard of etiquette.

I agree with this. Everyone is different, no-one should have to conform to what others expectations are. We have a strange culture around death and seem to think all normal behaviour should cease.

@vintageyoda

I'm only in my 40's and both my parents have been dead for a while now. I would have been touched that my friend cared enough to send a gift ( even though I certainly wouldn't expect such a thing). I cannot imagine being upset at a friend trying to show that they care but clearly I am not the norm.

To be fair, it is only a handful of posters who are specifying the wrong or right kind of gift (!)... I think most people are appreciative.

I would have loved chocolate when my dad died. Just knowing someone was thinking of me would have been appreciated. Wine would have been better. I would have absolutely hated anything sentimental as my dad was a no nonsense military man and that would have seemed disrespectful to his memory somehow. You know your friend best. As to ‘etiquette’ around supporting a grieving friend, what a load of bollocks.

Bear in mind that there is a chance that anything you buy her will be associated in future with the death of her parent.

When my daughter died, some friends made me a woolley hug. I loved that.

People sent me all sorts of gifts after a terrible bereavement. I had chocolate, pizzas, CDs, pictures in frames, even someone's most prized possession of a signed photo of their favourite movie star.

I'd certainly send chocolates, with the note (as suggested above) that they might help if people didn't feel like eating much.

I don’t think it’s wrong to send them but I probably wouldn’t personally.

My mum died when I was very early 20’s and it a card was really appreciated. I took comfort knowing that people cared.

I don’t think chocolates add to that, but equally I don’t think it’s a bad idea.

I sent a friend some biscuits from hotel chocolat when a close relative died. They even have a sympathy section.

When my brother passed I was half way through my pregnancy, my best friend called and dropped off my favourite meal and a huge bar of chocolate for me. I appreciated it so much! I personally think it’s a lovely idea x

I've lost 3 close family members, I'd have loved some delicious chocolates.
Anything is touching and wondeful.

Patricia 😂😂😂😂

When my dad died any sort of small snacky thing was appreciated. The house was full of people and it was good to be able to hand something round so people could help themselves rather than asking if people would like a piece of cake or whatever.

I would even go so far as to suggest you send something like a tin of Roses for her to share and something special just for her, when she's alone.

I remember when mil died - a friend of dh came round with a bottle of whiskey, a huge thing of tea bags and cigarettes (we smoked at the time).
While the whiskey is still on a shelf somewhere - it was really gratefully received. It was the thought that had gone into what he came with.

A close friend sent me little care package after my Dad died - bottle of gin, tonic, lemons and chocolates. I was very touched.

Look up Don't Buy Her Flowers

My friends sent me a lovely care package including chocolate when my dad died at Christmas. It was much appreciated, they hand write a message and there's a really good variety of things available to add to your box

I lost my mum last year and would have really appreciated chocolates !! Flowers are a reminder of things dying in my opinion but chicks are soothing and a nice reminder of childhood and parents . Also they taste yummy

I just lost my DM a few months ago and friend sent me a large yankie candle with a photo of me and DM on it that she got online.
It was such a lovely change from the flowers and something I can keep. When I'm feeling a bit low I light the candle and think of DM.

Definitely do it, please make sure you call her and don’t just text and send a card.

When I was coping with multiple bereavements in a very short time, I was sent loads of flowers. I'm not a flower person at all, never was, always said the most beautiful flowers are the ones growing in the ground.

All those flowers in vases, in places I passed through several times a day? Not for me, you'd think. I discovered that every time I looked at those bouqets I smiled, felt a little lift in my spirits, considered their beauty and how kind people are, and a little bit flattered that people remembered me and would do that for me.

They made me bloody happy.

I don't like cut flowers. Never have. Until I did.