To send a friend chocolates after death of her parent.

[starlet14]

I have a friend who doesn't live locally! She's lost a parent and I'd like to send something. She was wonderful when I went through the same. Even came to the funeral. Obviously I can't do the same due to covid.

She's not really into flowers. Would it be okay to send her some chocolates instead? For her and her kids or is it insensitive?? Just to cheer her up!

chocolates are more for a celebration i think

I think a good box of biscuits might be better than chocolates.

Thanks all. Definitely won't be using the term 'cheering her up' to her. I worded that wrong.

I sent a Moonpig card to a friend who’s just lost her dad and they do a big ‘thinking of you’ dairy milk - I know her and know it’ll be appreciated.

My DH died young and tbh the responses I liked least were the people who wanted to pretend nothing had happened.

I think I might opt for a lovely candle instead of chocolates instead.
I done this for my friend when her mum died as I know she doesn't really like flowers.
That said though you know your friend best and if you think she will like the chocolates then go for it.

I actually think this is a nice idea. Maybe u could make her a wee gift like a wee candle and a small bar of choc (not a big tub of like celebrations or something) And card ? When my Dad died the house was filled with flowers and although it’s so kind of people it was actually a pain in the area. I had no space or vases n my cats would knock them over and i has to fix the flowers when they arrived to look nice etc.
Even just a card with some nice words or keep letting her know ur thinking of her. In all honestly she probably will not even take it in just now xx

People over-do flowers I think, and they can feel like a hassle when not already in a vase (I sound churlish I know!). So I often send scone hampers for new babies (as parents need scones more than newborns need anything!) and I also like dontbuyherflowers.com

Lovely idea (card as well tho)

When my father died, my mother hated the flowers she received, which to me, seemed mean at the time.
Chocolates would be a lovely gesture.

Oh god no, not chocolates. It would read as "here's something nice to cheer you up." If someone had done that to me I would have wondered what on earth they were thinking, and been (even more) upset, and probably angry.

@Candyflosscookie

I had so many flowers after a bereavement and although a lovely gesture, they were something else that needed "looking after" - trim the stems, find a vase, keep them topped up with water, energy that I simply didn't have. A couple of friends gave me potted plants instead bouquets, no vases needed and this was much better!

Chocolates do feel a bit "gifty" but if you know a particular kind she likes and can tailor the message to this effect, I'm sure they will be appreciated more than another bunch of white lilies!

I'd agree with that. When I was already feeling down, I had a house full of flowers and whereas I did appreciate that it meant people were thinking of me and standing in sympathy with me, it was something I had to say thank you, find another vase, cut the stems, remember to keep watered and throw away when they were dying.

I'd have preferred chocolates, but I'd say some nice posh ones, perhaps with a nice thing of drinking chocolate for hot chocolates would be better than cheap box-especially avoid celebrations for obvious reasons.

I wouldn’t send chocolate. When Dad died I couldn’t eat anything that seemed a treat! It seemed so wrong to want anything celebratory as that was the last thing I wanted to do! It was months before I felt I could enjoy a treat. Mum felt the same. I would’ve felt anyone was insensitive to give me chocolate at such an awful time.
A bit of sympathy and regular phone checks would be so much better, but obviously you know her better.

Both my parents died this year, and my very lovely colleague sent me a vv posh hot chocolate kit with marshmallows and biscuits. She said if she could see me, she'd be hugging me, so a hug in a mug would have to do for now. It was absolutely lovely, and made me feel very loved

I think chocolates sound lovely if the right message is with them. @SanJunipero your friends message made me well up as how true actually about eating and thoughtful of your colleague. So sorry for the loss of your wife.

I think it's nice. I would have felt touched by the gesture, even if I didnt want to eat the chocolates.

I'm amazed how many people wouldn't take chocolates in the living spirit they are obviously meant. I mean why?

One of my mates sent me novelty socks with Wonderwoman on them when my mum died. I mean weird right? But I appreciated what she meant, and more important that she took the time to choose and send them to me because she loves me and I needed to feel all the love right then.

You go ahead and send your chocs OP, your friend will know what you mean xx

A friend bought me a peace lily in a pot (delivered) when my dad died. It was thoughtful, much less stressful than trying to find a vase for more flowers and lasted much longer.

I think I would just send a card. Chocolates feels too much like a celebration gift. I wouldn't have ended a friendship or anything like that if someone had sent me chocolate after one of the deaths of my close relatives, but I would have found it odd and a bit inappropriate. The cards were lovely to receive and much appreciated, as were food items brought over so we didn't have to cook or think about what to serve visitors, but not a bought box of chocolates.

In short, I think it could be received in the wrong way so unless you are 100% sure she would like it, I wouldn't chance it.

*loving spirit

I think a sympathy card is best, not chocolates.

I've just remembered after my DM died a lovely friend dropped round a gift bag with some fancy bubble bath and chocolate with a message to take time for myself (I had 2 toddlers at the time) . I really appreciated it.

When my mum died my friend sent me handmade biscuits from the biscuiteer website it was a lovely gesture and much appreciated as you can get too many flowers x

@FinallyHere

I think the message would make or break this as a gesture. Suggesting that they were to cheer her up, insensitive. A small token to remind her that you are thinking of t and are sorry that you can't be there might be welcomed.

Agree with this. Cheer her up is wrong for a bereavement.

I think that the message is key
For me feeding us love. We were sent food when my mum died and I really appreciated it. I've sent cook meals and gourmet snacks before. You just don't feel like cooking so it's nice to have an alternative. For closer friends I've delivered a lasagne etc
Just do what you feel us right. With love

Someone sent us a massive box of hotel chocolats after FIL & MIL died - it was after the funeral as the sender was there - but it was a lot nicer than it was odd.