School runs when husband wfh

[cornflowerblue30]

Hi I'm just wondering if I'm BU or not. My husband is working from home due to covid and will be working from home for the foreseeable. He has a lot of flexibility in his job in terms of what hours he works can start earlier/later ect unless he has meetings.
I'm still working outside the home part time but I mainly do weekends.
In the morning I leave the house at 8:30 for one school run get home by 9 and then have another school run at 9:30. The afternoon is first pick up 12:30 and second pick up 2:30. I feel I'm only home some days and have to leave again. Next year il have 3 drop offs at different times when my youngest starts and 3 pick ups at different times.
Now my aibu is my husband often goes out for a run during his lunch break and I prepare food for lunch for when he gets back as I'm making stuff for myself and my youngest but I really feel he should be doing at least one of the pick ups or drop offs for me or even minding the younger ones whilst I run down myself especially if it's raining. I feel I could get a good run of housework or laundry instead of stopping and starting the whole time. I totally understand if he has something lined up in work but on the days he doesn't. Even one or two days a week would be nice. Aibu

Has he refused? I would expect some help with that lot.

YANBU. And it’s not “for you” is it. It’s for his children? Are you waiting for him to offer or have you asked and he’s said no?

I agree with you but it's just soooooo convenient for him not to have to change anything to help his family function better.

What does he actually do around the house?

No he hasn't yet I'm not sure if I'm BU to ask as if he was working in an office I'd have to just get on with it. I usually go out with the baby in the morning get back for 11 nap time and then I have an hour an half before first school run. After 12:30 school run I get lunch ready and then it's almost time to go for 2:30 school run.

I agree. Dh wfh. I work nights. I stay up and do the morning runs then sleep and dh does the afternoon pickup if no meetings.

Your DH should be helping.

Not unreasonable.

I have the sort of job you describe, with a lot of flexibility.

Unless I have a planned meeting I could easily do a school run, put a wash on or oversee a child for a short while.

Your drop offs and collections sound v complicated. Can you simplify them? If DH is working I don’t see how he could really help except maybe with first one...

Do you work also?

Ask him to do his bit and remind him he is a parent too.

Dh and I both wfh. He drops dd off (I go for a run) and I sort the other end of the day (either me or nanny).

We might not have this happy balance if I hadn’t suggested it though.

How far is the journey from the school with the 1230 pick up? He could run there and walk back with your DC perhaps?

Even if not, YANBU to suggest he does a share.

My DH is WFH for foreseeable. He’s doing the vast majority drop offs and pick ups at his suggestion.

He is supposed to be working so I think you are wrong expecting this. If he was working out of the home then he wouldn't be able to help.

Do you work also?

If you’re wfh in a flexible job I’m not sure it’s really relevant whether you have a SAHP or not.
It’s about trying to fit a bit of time in with your kids. The walk to school is sometimes a chance to find out if a child is worried about school etc.

Taking 30 mins at 8.30am is do-able for parents wfh in flexible jobs.
But they have to want to do it.

I’d ask him to incorporate the 12.30 pickup
into his lunch hour at least 3 days per week.
Does he help out at all?

If he has work flexibility, whilst he is wfh, he could go for his run in the eve and help with the kids. My oh has taken 6 days off for next 2 weeks to help with school runs whilst I wfh so it doesn't disrupt my day so much.

@ExclamationPerfume
Did you not see that he goes for a run through the day?

@GhoulWithADragonTattoo our primary school changed their times brining the school day back 30 minutes and at that stage DD was already accepted into the nursery.
@supersonicginandtonic I work part time usually Saturday/Sunday if I need to work mid week I have a childminder who will take dc for me.

If I had to take time off to help with the school run, I would have to make up the time elsewhere. Make sure you factor in that he would then have to work later

@SBTLove He goes during his lunch break which he is entitled to. I am all for men doing their fair share but not when they are working.

My H is Wfh for foreseeable. I start back next week and will be leaving very early in order to avoid the school runs I've done for years to enable him to pursue his gym and golf.

"I'm not sure if I'm BU to ask as if he was working in an office I'd have to just get on with it. "
But he's not working in an office. He's "working from home for the foreseeable. He has a lot of flexibility in his job in terms of what hours he works can start earlier/later ect unless he has meetings." He has so much flexibility that he can go for a run at lunchtime.

Many people have expressed that working from home allows them a better work-life balance because they're 'saving' time that would have been spent commuting, and they can 'spend' that time with family/hobbies. Currently your husband is spending it running. He could spend it on his children. Surely he would welcome being a bigger part of their life in these important years? Well that's one way to phrase it, since it seems to me you think he'll be reluctant.

Have a conversation with him about school runs. He might surprise you.

We have exactly the same. Previously, I was usually the one rushing around on school runs or to activities as he was in the office or at meetings... I've already said we need to have a look at how we work everything out as I'm not prepared to run myself ragged again!

@SBTLove he is quiet good around the house he will get breakfast sorted whilst I get everyone ready and he will put on the washing machine or empty dryer or run around with the Dyson after the children have eaten so I can't complain but personally I'd prefer if he did less of that and did a school run.

I think as you're effectively a SAHP during the week, you should be picking up the child related stuff. If it was convenient and practical, then it would be nice if he could help, but wouldn't expect it. Even if you have reasonably flexible hours, there are normally some times that you have to be available for meetings/phone calls. And it can actually be more trouble than it's worth to (say) have an arrangement that he takes the DC to school on Mondays and Wednesdays, only for him to have to chop and change it when meetings come up.

I don't understand why you have 3 children in 3 different place though - can't you streamline this or ask another parent to help out?

Presumably he does everything with the DC while you are at work?