School runs when husband wfh

[cornflowerblue30]

Hi I'm just wondering if I'm BU or not. My husband is working from home due to covid and will be working from home for the foreseeable. He has a lot of flexibility in his job in terms of what hours he works can start earlier/later ect unless he has meetings.
I'm still working outside the home part time but I mainly do weekends.
In the morning I leave the house at 8:30 for one school run get home by 9 and then have another school run at 9:30. The afternoon is first pick up 12:30 and second pick up 2:30. I feel I'm only home some days and have to leave again. Next year il have 3 drop offs at different times when my youngest starts and 3 pick ups at different times.
Now my aibu is my husband often goes out for a run during his lunch break and I prepare food for lunch for when he gets back as I'm making stuff for myself and my youngest but I really feel he should be doing at least one of the pick ups or drop offs for me or even minding the younger ones whilst I run down myself especially if it's raining. I feel I could get a good run of housework or laundry instead of stopping and starting the whole time. I totally understand if he has something lined up in work but on the days he doesn't. Even one or two days a week would be nice. Aibu

Yes he should be doing his part which is not “helping”

I’m thinking your work as a SAHP includes the school runs.

At the weekend he probably has it harder as he has all 3 kids to entertain /feed for the whole day.

So, anytime she's at home she's a sahp, even though she works part time? So by that logic the dh is a sahp at the weekend.
What do you think lockdown was like with those same three dc at home every day?

@Catlover77

He works full time, that is his job. His lunch break is his time. Your job is the home and school runs.

I am sure he looks after the children when you work at the weekend.

I agree with catlover. Dh and I both work so neither of us can take care of our dc at all. We just leave them in the house every day and hope they will eventually learn the way to school on their own. They have google maps after all.

YANBU, I'd do at least one of the school runs if working if there were 3 at different times and schools.

He gets no commute and just office hours with the rest as free time?

He could do one morning one and one lunchtime one with zero impact on his working day. And yes, spend 1-2-1 time with one of his children which is good for everyone

So OP is up everyday for school run and having to traipse all three kids around to (a really bloody awkward it must be said) schedule; and then at weekends she gets up and out the door herself too to her work, plus sometime during the week.

Meanwhile suddenly time-rich, flexible working OH decides to start work early so he can do a run at lunchtime, and at weekends when he's on kid duty is at liberty for the all to spend the day in pjs should they so wish.

No, YANBU OP.

As a minimum, leave the other DC at home with him while you do the other school runs.

He could pick up the 8:30 school run with little / no impact to his working day so I would start there in terms of getting more support so you're not turning in circles all of the time.

I don't think you're being unreasonable to ask. Yes, if he was at the office you wouldn't have the help. But he isn't so why not share responsibilities for the time being. I'm in the mindset that even if it's temporary working from home a change in roles doesn't hurt and helping with school runs would be a supportive thing to do. Especially in these challenging times, having extra time to yourself or precious hours catching up with housework (blissful without distraction!) would be a good thing.

I agree that in normal circs OPs job as a SAHP during the week means that school runs generally fall to her but these are not normal circs and school runs are very time consuming. I bet her DH doesn't normally have the OP making his lunch everyday, she's added to her tasks so it's not exactly unfair for him to take on a task as well, given he is already saving time and therefore benefitting.

A lot of folk do school runs and work Full time even when there is a SAHP as they will drop off or pick up on the commute so not exactly unusual behaviour.

On the fence really. If you're working, you're working.

People would describe my employer as being flexible, but as a manager I can say I would be pretty unhappy if my employee was logging on early say so they could log off 8.30-9.30 for a school run. As a one off is fine, but permanently changing their working pattern to do this weekly or more often wouldn't be acceptable. It would need a flex working request/ reduced hours.

If you wouldn't leave your workplace to do it, you shouldn't be doing it at home.

It's really hard to know without understanding more about your dynamic as a family. It does sound like he could do one of the school runs to make your life a bit easier and so that the youngest isn't spending half the morning being carted around (which doesn't sound fun!).

If his job is truly flexible, then taking half an hour out of it to do a school run sounds perfectly reasonable (assuming he doesn't have meeting/whatever on that occasion - you say you'd be happy with him doing it maybe a couple of days a week). But he may be finding it's hard to put in enough time in total at the moment - my work is flexible to some extent, but I find it bloody hard getting anything done with my 3yo at home! I can't tell that from an internet forum, but you know your DH and his job/its expectations.

It also (in my mind at least) depends on how much general house stuff he takes responsibility for. If he's the type that gets on with childcare or housework to let you put your feet up in the evenings (as is only fair if he's getting to have some down time during his lunch break) then I'd be far more sympathetic to him than if ALL housework is your responsibility and he does bugger all at evenings/weekends.

Ask him. See what he says. If you don't think his answer is reasonable, say so to him.

OP, looking after kids all week and doing multiple school runs then working at the weekend is exhausting, I used to do it.

Some of the less sympathetic posters don't seem to be able to realise that being a family involves working as a team. All this, 'You're a SAHP, this is your remit" is ridiculous.

Your DH should want to help out when his work schedule allows.

Its funny isn't it, how the daily admin of life so often falls to the woman, while the man is rendered incapable of doing anything other than his paid work. Said paid work often only takes up 8 hours of the 24 hours in a day (with contractual breaks)... but still, the poor working man is technically full time employed and shouldn't be bothered with extra curricular tasks such as the school run.

The woman however should be perfectly well able to pick up the extra tasks associated with him working from home (extra cooking, cleaning etc) without question. No one should even suggest to him that he has to manage to get his own lunch when he is out at work all day, so should manage exactly the same when at home.

It's crap isn't it. Laughably so. But still women come on here and defend utterly useless men who are happy to have families so long as their lives do not have to change to accommodate them.

Fact is, if his work is flexible then he can fit in a school run, enabling you to get some of your other work done. The increased efficiency of this routine would be beneficial to both of you. If you aren't doing chores later he could take a run then, or you could, or perhaps you could tag team and both fit in some exercise. Win win. It's a complete no brainer.....

..... to the logical mind.

That was cathartic writing that

I'd be expecting him to do the first morning drop off as a minimum. Lunch time one every other day so he can still have a run every other day too.

Does he have the DC on his own at the weekend? If so, that's arguably harder (to keep them all entertained) than doing school runs.
If he does 2 full days of childcare on his weekend, I'd do the runs.

@blackberryjelly

Its funny isn't it, how the daily admin of life so often falls to the woman, while the man is rendered incapable of doing anything other than his paid work. Said paid work often only takes up 8 hours of the 24 hours in a day (with contractual breaks)... but still, the poor working man is technically full time employed and shouldn't be bothered with extra curricular tasks such as the school run.

The woman however should be perfectly well able to pick up the extra tasks associated with him working from home (extra cooking, cleaning etc) without question. No one should even suggest to him that he has to manage to get his own lunch when he is out at work all day, so should manage exactly the same when at home.

It's crap isn't it. Laughably so. But still women come on here and defend utterly useless men who are happy to have families so long as their lives do not have to change to accommodate them.

Fact is, if his work is flexible then he can fit in a school run, enabling you to get some of your other work done. The increased efficiency of this routine would be beneficial to both of you. If you aren't doing chores later he could take a run then, or you could, or perhaps you could tag team and both fit in some exercise. Win win. It's a complete no brainer.....

..... to the logical mind.

Completely agree.

Women enable this selfish bullshit by their low relationship bar's and their zero expectations of men.🙄

We get what we accept!

@Malikka

On the fence really. If you're working, you're working.

People would describe my employer as being flexible, but as a manager I can say I would be pretty unhappy if my employee was logging on early say so they could log off 8.30-9.30 for a school run. As a one off is fine, but permanently changing their working pattern to do this weekly or more often wouldn't be acceptable. It would need a flex working request/ reduced hours.

If you wouldn't leave your workplace to do it, you shouldn't be doing it at home.

I'm glad you are not my manager!

I'm not really doing any of this as my DC are adults, the only time I've said about not being available during my normal hours was to go and collect my car from the garage while I still had a DC available to give me a lift.

However, colleague would normally start late after dropping her DC off and has been starting early during the lock down/school hols, is now still starting early and nipping out to drop DC off instead.

She does her job and covers her hours and makes her work/life balance better so why would a manager care?

Our boss will sometimes be dropping or collecting a grandchild.

I appreciate not so easy if you are working on a call centre.

@blackberryjelly

Its funny isn't it, how the daily admin of life so often falls to the woman, while the man is rendered incapable of doing anything other than his paid work. Said paid work often only takes up 8 hours of the 24 hours in a day (with contractual breaks)... but still, the poor working man is technically full time employed and shouldn't be bothered with extra curricular tasks such as the school run.

The woman however should be perfectly well able to pick up the extra tasks associated with him working from home (extra cooking, cleaning etc) without question. No one should even suggest to him that he has to manage to get his own lunch when he is out at work all day, so should manage exactly the same when at home.

It's crap isn't it. Laughably so. But still women come on here and defend utterly useless men who are happy to have families so long as their lives do not have to change to accommodate them.

Fact is, if his work is flexible then he can fit in a school run, enabling you to get some of your other work done. The increased efficiency of this routine would be beneficial to both of you. If you aren't doing chores later he could take a run then, or you could, or perhaps you could tag team and both fit in some exercise. Win win. It's a complete no brainer.....

..... to the logical mind.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I leave the house at 8:30 for one school run get home by 9

Is there any reason he couldn't do the 8.30-9 school run? He'd be back at his desk ready to start work at 9am.

One of the benefits of wfh is that you save all the commuting time. Currently he's benefiting from that saved time... no reason he can't spread the benefit around the family a little and take on one of your chores.

I would also suggest you alternate making lunch. He gets to go for a run every other lunchtime while you prepare lunch, and he returns the favour (and feeds the baby) while you have a 30 min break on the alternate days.

Lmao and he’s just sat there whilst you’re running round like a blue arsed fly?????

No you are not being unreasonable to ask him to pitch in so you’re not constantly running back and forth.

He is working from home, it’s not hard, it’s a doddle, he’s going out for a run and getting his lunch made and has no commute either way. He has extra time he could be helping you out with this with absolutely no impact to his day.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt he genuinely just hasn’t realised that he’s being a selfish git. I don’t know how you haven’t lost your shit with him whilst you’re whipping up his lunch and he’s having a nice care free run out. Grrrrr

If you were both WFH on school days, then you you should split the pickups/drop offs. If only one of you is working and the other one isn't then it makes no sense to ask the working one to do pickups/drop offs.

At a stretch he could do the first one in the morning or the one at lunchtime.

At the weekend when you work I imagine he does all children related duties during your working hours?

Couldn’t working part time be considered a ‘luxury’? OP you have more free time so you should do the school runs, I presume the childcare is part of the reason why you work part time? Your partner is at work full time, he’s entitled to a lunch break away from his screen and it is up to him as to how he spends this. Depending on how much time he is saving from not commuting should equate to how much time he gives back to childcare/chores etc. I’d then expect him to take the lions share of the work at weekends and anything in between to be split equally. Depending on time/distance he could do the morning drop off but I wouldn’t ask for much more than that when he is supposed to be working. He’d have to make up the hours elsewhere otherwise - would you be ok with him working later into the evenings?

@blackberryjelly

Its funny isn't it, how the daily admin of life so often falls to the woman, while the man is rendered incapable of doing anything other than his paid work. Said paid work often only takes up 8 hours of the 24 hours in a day (with contractual breaks)... but still, the poor working man is technically full time employed and shouldn't be bothered with extra curricular tasks such as the school run.

The woman however should be perfectly well able to pick up the extra tasks associated with him working from home (extra cooking, cleaning etc) without question. No one should even suggest to him that he has to manage to get his own lunch when he is out at work all day, so should manage exactly the same when at home.

It's crap isn't it. Laughably so. But still women come on here and defend utterly useless men who are happy to have families so long as their lives do not have to change to accommodate them.

Fact is, if his work is flexible then he can fit in a school run, enabling you to get some of your other work done. The increased efficiency of this routine would be beneficial to both of you. If you aren't doing chores later he could take a run then, or you could, or perhaps you could tag team and both fit in some exercise. Win win. It's a complete no brainer.....

..... to the logical mind.

Well said. He should help out if he can, he could do 2 or 3 of the 12.30 pickups a week and run there and walk back?