School runs when husband wfh

[cornflowerblue30]

Hi I'm just wondering if I'm BU or not. My husband is working from home due to covid and will be working from home for the foreseeable. He has a lot of flexibility in his job in terms of what hours he works can start earlier/later ect unless he has meetings.
I'm still working outside the home part time but I mainly do weekends.
In the morning I leave the house at 8:30 for one school run get home by 9 and then have another school run at 9:30. The afternoon is first pick up 12:30 and second pick up 2:30. I feel I'm only home some days and have to leave again. Next year il have 3 drop offs at different times when my youngest starts and 3 pick ups at different times.
Now my aibu is my husband often goes out for a run during his lunch break and I prepare food for lunch for when he gets back as I'm making stuff for myself and my youngest but I really feel he should be doing at least one of the pick ups or drop offs for me or even minding the younger ones whilst I run down myself especially if it's raining. I feel I could get a good run of housework or laundry instead of stopping and starting the whole time. I totally understand if he has something lined up in work but on the days he doesn't. Even one or two days a week would be nice. Aibu

I’m a sahm. DS starts school at 8.30 and DH starts work around 9. WFH or in the office. Several days a week he walks DS to school and is back for 9 and I get to stay at home with the toddler. DH likes the exercise and DS loves daddy taking him. He never does the pick up as it’s in the middle of his working day

Seems to me that he is benefitting from saved commuter time so he could help.

read up about The Mental Load. You are carrying your household. Tell him to do his share, don't wait for him to ask.

www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

Maybe he thinks you enjoy all that running around and think it's your job? so he should leave you to it?

Either have an honest chat about how you think you'd be less frazzled if he could take on some runs and you could get on with other things while he did them - he could even suggest WHICH runs; or, if you don't think he'd be receptive to that, perhaps break him in gently by having one or two unavoidable appointments that mean you can't do a run or two...

Couldn't he kill two birds with one stone and combine his running with the drop offs or pick-ups? Run to / from school after the child's been dropped off / before they've been picked up? It's not called "school run" for nothing, you know.

My DH has a crazy wfh schedule of almost non-stop meetings and I am the one with wfh Flexibility. He still jumps at the chance to do every kid transport he can. Years ago he had more flexibility and he did the pickup run every single day. He loved that time with our dd. The school run or transit to activities seems to be one of the times kids will really talk to their parents. He misses that closeness he lost when his schedule got crazy.

So I would definitely ask him to develop a routine of doing school runs. It’s hood for him and the kids. N

I am WFH and my partner is unemployed (but was furloughed until last week). I am dropping off and he is picking up. I can drop off before work and be back in time for work so I don’t mind. I don’t actually think he should use up his lunch breaks to do school runs though. You kind of need your lunch break to relax a little if you are working a full day.

If he is working from home, has flexibility and has time for a run (?) then he can help.

Don't ask him, inform him: as you are around more you will be doing X school run for the foreseeable.

If he complains, explain that you are not making a request you are informing him that he WILL be pulling his weight more as currently he's not and there's no reason you should be doing it all.

It doesn't matter if he thinks you're unreasonable, you're not so stand your ground.

@Mummadeeze if he can use his lunchbreak to go for a run he can pick one of his own kids up from school.

if he can use his lunch break to go for a run he can pick one of his own kids up from school.

Not necessarily. Only if he can guarantee to have his lunch break around the time that DC needs picking up, rather than "depending on meetings could be any time between 11 and 2" (which is when I have my lunch break).

Why can’t he do some of his running on the non child part of drop-off or pick-up? He should definitely be helping in some way, maybe the earlier collection combined with his run, so you have a bigger chunk of time through the middle of the day and that collection could be part of his lunchtime?

I think it's about balancing up free time and parenting time between the two of you. Parenting/homemaking is work and it's constant, you can't leave unless somebody relieves you. Even when they're all in bed, but by that time the motivation has usually drained from the day anyway. You could do with focusing on getting just as much time away from the housework and kids and looking after your own interests and mental health (ie going for a run or exercise outside the house for a half hour a day, like DH does!). You're just as entitled to this and need to focus on getting it for yourself otherwise it will get lost in the quagmire of caring for children, home and DH.
Likewise as pp's have already said, DH should focus more on getting some time in with the kids and bonding with them. School run is a great way to do this.
Time is the precious commodity and needs to be distributed equally so you dont get resentment building up. I'd be pissed off if my loved one was taking time out at my expense every day, and I wasn't getting the same allowances. It's just not fair to you and that will grate more and more over time. Really damaging for relationships imo.

Hi everyone, thank you for all the replies, we had a chat about it and I explained how I drained I do be when I walk in the door at 15:00 and then get dinner on, homework duty and get uniforms/clothes ready for next day and then feel guilty I haven't dont much cleaning/tidying around the house ect. I also think personally I need to lower my cleaning expectations. My goal does be to try get as much done during the week to leave weekends housework free (aside from the general bits and pieces) DH surprised me by offering to help with school run when he can. I pointed out I have no problem doing all school drop offs but if he did even 2 pick ups a week I'd be delighted.

That sounds good OP. Staggered pick ups are a complete pain - it will make a huge difference to not do them all, and will be good for dh to have a break from his desk too.

I assumed that as I go to work every day I’d be dropping dc at school as I can do it sort of on the way (slight detour). Dh is now working from home. He made a comment that he has a new daily zoom call at 8.30am so will tell them that some days he won’t be there as he’s sharing school run. I was surprised and said I’d be able to drop off but he is adamant that it’s unfair for me to take on all the morning stress and I should be able to have a couple of days where I just walk out the door and head straight to work! I seriously love this man! Although I think part of this is him making a point to colleagues as since they’ve worked from home they seem to be expected to be available at all times rather than work hours!

It’s all about finding a balance that works for your family. Good luck!

I'm glad you've made some progress though it's really the bare minimum isn't it, make sure he sticks to it.

Good news Op
As another poster said- make sure he sticks to it

That’s good new OP I think sometimes we assume the worst from our partners and try and do everything our selves rather than just ask them. My DH Surprised me as he is really keen to help with the drop off and pick up as he was never able to do them before Which is great as with the staggered starts we would have had 30 mins standing around between kids ( lock down has enabled him to bond with the kids And appreciate what I do on my ‘ days off’ he was very self centred before and did nothing round the house or with the kids)