School runs when husband wfh

[cornflowerblue30]

Hi I'm just wondering if I'm BU or not. My husband is working from home due to covid and will be working from home for the foreseeable. He has a lot of flexibility in his job in terms of what hours he works can start earlier/later ect unless he has meetings.
I'm still working outside the home part time but I mainly do weekends.
In the morning I leave the house at 8:30 for one school run get home by 9 and then have another school run at 9:30. The afternoon is first pick up 12:30 and second pick up 2:30. I feel I'm only home some days and have to leave again. Next year il have 3 drop offs at different times when my youngest starts and 3 pick ups at different times.
Now my aibu is my husband often goes out for a run during his lunch break and I prepare food for lunch for when he gets back as I'm making stuff for myself and my youngest but I really feel he should be doing at least one of the pick ups or drop offs for me or even minding the younger ones whilst I run down myself especially if it's raining. I feel I could get a good run of housework or laundry instead of stopping and starting the whole time. I totally understand if he has something lined up in work but on the days he doesn't. Even one or two days a week would be nice. Aibu

Am I missing something? If he is working all day then being disrupted for childcare or school runs or whatever, would surely be a pain in the neck when the other parent isn't working?

I can just imagine if a woman was on telling us all that she was WFH but her non-working partner was asking her to look after the kids or do the school runs!

I hope your dh does all the childcare and housework etc when you are working at the weekends though?

How do you do the school run? My wfh DH likes doing the morning school run as it is a 20min walk which gets him out of the house.
Why are your runs so complicated? Is it the phased drop off stuff or is this normal? I'm assuming the 930 is a preschool drop? I feel your frustration as I used to drop both of mine in the same run but then do a 12noon pick up and a 3pm. Which felt like it killed my day. Now I only have 1 to deal with but even his 250 finish annoys me as it has shortened my day (i have to squeeze work in too) but I'm hoping that is only temporary!

DH has WFH for several years. I work part time out of the house. I take eldest 2 to the bus on my way to work and my day off 7.35 bus. Unless he has a meeting generally he walks youngest to school. He likes doing the morning walk, it's a good 1.5 mile round trip, gets him some fresh air and sets him up to start work at 9 or just after.

I do most of the afternoon pick ups but if I need him to do one or two it's never a problem unless he has a meeting. We are both quite flexible and it works well.

If he didn't do the school run he could quite easily go several days without going outside.

Yes, ask him to incorporate a school run into his routine.

Flexibly WFH is no problem to do this and IMO as you also work during a 7-day week and do most of the house stuff (sticking on a wash or emptying the dryer is hardly 50%) then he should be helping.

It’s really easy to get stuck in the ‘it’s as if he was in the office’ routine but he’s not! I wfh fir many years in order to be able to be flexible with school runs. Unless it’s taking more than an hour of his day- and most kids are at school locally - then he can chip in a bit.

By contrast, when my youngest started school, my husband changed jobs to one with a long train commute; but, he could cycle to the station going almost past the school. He arranged his working hours so that he usually dropped our son to school in the mornings albeit getting home later. Only if he had an unavoidable 9 am meeting did I have to cover that one. That pattern continued throughout primary.

If you're at home, not working, then I think you should just be cracking on with it. Sorry, I know it's not the popular opinion though.

I WFH and DH is off on 3 weekdays currently. On the days he is off, he does all of the school runs, child care etc. On the days he's in work, I do the drop offs because DH starts work at 7am. If I was going to the office, I would be leaving at 8am and not able to help with school runs etc. I do think it's cheeky people expecting their DH's (and I'll be honest, it is always DH's) to help out just because they are home. They're still working while the other one is a SAHP.

Would like to add, I used to be in OPs position, working part time around the kids and five million different timed drop offs and pick ups. I had to do it on my own because DH was in work.

I would ask him to do one of the morning pick ups and one of the afternoon pick ups every day.

He can choose which ones.

I am a SAHM and when Dh worked from home (years before Covid) and had a flexible role he would often do a school run because he actually enjoyed spending time with the children by himself, leaving me at home.

This is also a bog standard 9am start and 3.20pm pick up. He loved it.

I think considering the staggered times for drop off and collection he should be looking after a child whilst you do a school pick up in the pouring rain.

Dh and I have always worked on the basis of doing small things that make the other person's life easier. Why wouldn't he do this to pick up or drop off his own children?

I don't think that is unreasonable at all.
In and out of the car doing those runs are a huge PITA.

Taking one run from you would be so helpful.

Why wouldn't you say it?
Why wouldn't he want to help with his own children?

I dunno, it sounds like you're a SAHM during the week so you cover this, and presumably he covers the DC while you work at the w/e. Was that the set-up you agreed to? In which case, I wouldn't expect it to change just because he's WFH. That's the kind of thing that gives WFH a bad name as it's acting like he's around for childcare, which as you say wouldn't be expected in the office. The run is a red herring because full-time work allows a lunch hour which many people use for exercise.

He’s working those days, you’re not. You’re being unreasonable

They are his children too! Doesn't he want to spend that extra little bit of time with them? I used to love the school run, chatting along and having a bit of quality time before work. You need to divide these up between you both

This is why people WFH get accused of not doing the W bit. Because they are expected to suddenly take over the household chores.

I think as you aren't working those days, YABU

That crazy set up with all the different staggered start/end times is quite extreme and bad luck, but if it's what you signed up for so be it. I don't think that changed the principle that he's working and you're on the kids. If that's not what you want - and it wouldn't be what I'd want - I'd work in the week and use the childminder.

Obviously when you are both working equally then house and family stuff should be split equally. But you're not.

@cornflowerblue30 Why doesn’t your DH do any of the childcare at the weekends while you are working?

Would he be doing school runs if he was in the office? Don't see the difference now he is WFH and you are still a SAHP. If he did the school run he would need to catch up time elsewhere eating into his evenings.

Nah, it's crap when they're that age with nursery school runs etc but he's working.

If you aren't working in the week then the school runs should fall to you, yes. Presumably you only take the dc who needs dropping and the others stay home with him?

On weekday working weeks then he can step in.

Could he do the first drop off so you can have a more relaxed start? If you were working in the week too I’d say split 50:50 but since you only work weekends I think you should be doing most.

Why doesn’t your DH do any of the childcare at the weekends while you are working?

The OP says she uses a CM during the weekdays if she needs to work.

He should do the 8.30 school run, or use his lunchbreak to the do the 12.30 pick up (he could run there, if he wanted). At least on occasion.

If he is actually working on school days and you aren't that it seems right that he shouldn't stop work to go off and do the school run. If you were both working on those days then he should share them. Work needs to be done and if he delays it then will work late when children home so you couldn't do whatever you want to do then either.
You say he is quite good around the house as well as working part time so he isn't lazy.
I assume when you work at the weekends he does all the childcare?

I can see two sides of this story, if you are a SAHM and you don't work you should be doing the school run. If you are working then you need to have a discussion with your husband about sharing the school runs, come to an arrangement and stick to it. however just because he is WFH it doesn't mean he is sitting twiddling his thumps, yes he might go for a run at lunchtime but that is probably his breather to get out and get his head right . I have been working from home since March aswell, Yes it has been great no commute I have time to clean the kitchen up and throw on a wash etc, however it has become expected that I cook every eve where as before it was whoever was home 1st. This has become annoying as some days I have a lot of calls that go onto the eve or that I have work that needs full concentration for an hour or so to do so now I have found that I have had to ask my partner to make sure he is home and cooks dinner some eves so I can get my work done .