School runs when husband wfh

[cornflowerblue30]

Hi I'm just wondering if I'm BU or not. My husband is working from home due to covid and will be working from home for the foreseeable. He has a lot of flexibility in his job in terms of what hours he works can start earlier/later ect unless he has meetings.
I'm still working outside the home part time but I mainly do weekends.
In the morning I leave the house at 8:30 for one school run get home by 9 and then have another school run at 9:30. The afternoon is first pick up 12:30 and second pick up 2:30. I feel I'm only home some days and have to leave again. Next year il have 3 drop offs at different times when my youngest starts and 3 pick ups at different times.
Now my aibu is my husband often goes out for a run during his lunch break and I prepare food for lunch for when he gets back as I'm making stuff for myself and my youngest but I really feel he should be doing at least one of the pick ups or drop offs for me or even minding the younger ones whilst I run down myself especially if it's raining. I feel I could get a good run of housework or laundry instead of stopping and starting the whole time. I totally understand if he has something lined up in work but on the days he doesn't. Even one or two days a week would be nice. Aibu

Maybe just say to him that you would like him to do one of the runs? Maybe he hasnt thought about it? This sort of running in and out of the house all day can be quite tiring!

From next week we'll both be part time wfh and the remainder in the office. Morning drop offs DH will do to enable me to get to work early so that I can then leave and do pick ups. If for any reason I manage to be wfh more I'll drop off and vice versa. Before lockdown I did all of the drop offs, pick ups and sorting out school holiday care but lockdown has been great in that we've both pulled together with childcare.

If course you are not being unreasonable. They are his children too and you are his partner and you should work as a team. 3 sets, or even 2 school runs is a pain in the arse and he could do either an early morning or a lunchtime.

I work from home and have a good deal of flexibility in my role, when the kids were younger I used to do my work in and around the school runs, it's one of the positives of wfh with a degree of flexibility, it enhances EVERYONES lives, not just his.

We both wfh fairly flexibly. We fight over pick ups. They are the lovely way to have a proper chat with the children. Right now he is getting the boys from their school and I am meeting our daughter. We could have made them get the bus but we all like pick up.

Drop off is shit. Everyone hates morning. Bus or take turns doing drop offs.

YANBU.

My DH is wfh for the foreseeable, probably won't ever go back to the office full time. His work is flexible, as long as it gets done it doesn't matter when. I'm a sahm so am used to doing everything during the week without him, as he's usually gone 7am-7pm. The children are normally in bed by the time he gets home.

These last few months have been amazing. He's been doing breakfast every morning with the children before work so I can do some exercise, and when our eldest starts school next week he's going to do pick up every day (I will drop off). Because he wants to. As he puts it, he normally 'misses out' on doing that sort of parenting stuff. He takes the children out for a half hour walk most lunchtimes too before the baby has her nap
and stops work briefly to read a story to each of them at bedtime too.

I don't feel bad about any of this even though I'm not working. I keep the children entertained and quiet so he can work efficiently in peace the rest of the time (and keep on top of the housework, do the shopping etc). He absolutely sees it as a positive that he's lost a 3 hour a day (1.5 each way) commute and wants to use that time to be with his children more, something that is usually just not possible.

I won't pretend having him at home 24/7 doesn't have its challenges, it definitely does. But him being able to be a more hands on parent has been one of the huge positives of this whole horrible period for us.

hi both me and DH are wfh for the forseeable. We are lucky in that we are pretty flexible, so we don't have to account for every minute of our time, so we are sharing the drop offs and pick ups. I think you should just say to him that it would be appreciated if he could share some of the burden - three different school runs - ! You are a LEGEND.

I take my youngest halfway up the road to primary (I am no longer permitted nearer!), and the older 2 walk themselves to high school. Staggered start times at school must be creating lots of issues for people.

I think whoever isn't working should do the school run. If you are working that day and need to leave early and he has nothing scheduled, he should do it. If you are not working because you work at the weekends instead, then you should do it. Dh and I share the school run, we each do it depending in normal times on who is working a long vs. short day that day, but now we just share it 50/50 - either one of us does the drop off and the other the pick up or we each take a few days each week. But we both work full time during the week days.

I assume your dh has the dc when you are working at the weekends. If so, I'd assume you would take care of the bulk of the running around during his working hours during the week. As for all the pick ups/drop offs, could you have them take the school bus?

I think school runs before the working day starts should be shared but during the working day it should be the non working parents responsibility.

It’s so annoying if you need to contact a colleague urgently but you can’t reach them because they are doing personal tasks.
It’s unfair for them to be paid for time they are unavailable while other colleagues pick up the slack.

It’s unfair for them to be paid for time they are unavailable while other colleagues pick up the slack.

Who says that they are being paid or not completing their work?

I only add time to my worksheet for how long i've worked. If i've spent time doing a load of laundry or doing personal tasks etc then I don't log that as work time and no-one picks up my work for me, my boss can see whether I've completed what I need to.

Funnily, no-one suggests deducting time for chatting in the office or going for coffees or whatever multitude of distractions people have in work but at home some folk think you should be nailed to the desk?

What are his at desk hours?

Mine are 8:30-4:30, I have an hour unpaid lunch which can be taken anytime after 12:30 but must be taken in a single block and must be booked on the calendar a week in advance so the team can see when you won’t be available.

My boyfriend is stepping in to do the morning drop off, when he is back at work I’ll have to pay someone to take him to school. Luckily due to staggered finishes if I run to school I will get there in time for pick up, if the end times returns to normal and after school club doesn’t open I’ll have to pay for someone to collect him as well.

Even though his work is flexible, it doesn't mean he can necessarily commit to this daily/weekly.

In my team, there are four of us. Two work 9-5, one 8-4 and the other 9-7 condensed with Friday off. One of the 9-5ers will be doing school drop off and pick up. So starting around 9.30am and popping out at 3pm. We also have to take our lunches between 12pm and 2pm (one does 12.00, one 12.30 etc.) It is starting to cause issues when we need to meet as a team. This week, we needed to book in a 3 hour meeting and there was no space. It was suggested that the 4pm finish person worked later but they're not willing to give that up in order to increase someone else's flexibility. Unfortunately, it looks as though our flexibility is going to decrease due to this. We are not going to be able to just pop out anymore.

We are a small team but I imagine it would be the same even with a bigger team

Thank you everyone. I generally don't mind drop off for me drop off are easy. Pick up is challenging particularly the 2:30 one, dd2 walks so slow as she's tired from nursery and doesn't like the buggy board and I always feel I'm holding everyone up with the buggy particularly now everything is one way and cordoned off. I'd even be happy if he could do that once a week. Will definitely sit down and have a chat about it. I also don't mind doing more around the house as a trade

It’s so annoying if you need to contact a colleague urgently but you can’t reach them because they are doing personal tasks.

That's what phones are for!

At the very, very least he can keep a child at home with him so you don't take them all to the individual drop offs.

There's on reason you can'y do them you just don't want to .Sorry to be blunt but if you can't carve 40 minutes out of your day for yourself when both kids at school you need to be better organised

She has three kids...

I did the same sort of school runs as you and worked weekends but as DH was in the office at the time I did it all. Eldest started school yday and dh offered to take him this morning. As he's at home and it's before he has to log in at 9am.so no you are not being unreasonable AT ALL!

Where are your 5 hours a week to do your hobby?

I agree with NoSquirrels.

In general I would say that the non-working (on that day) parent should take school runs. But MAN ALIVE they are boring and thankless. And you work weekends (so although I'm guessing he's in full charge, no doesn't have a school run). AND yours sound like a peculiarly cruel and unusual punishment.

I'm also assuming you don't have a spare hour for a run in the middle of the day (since you have a little one?).

What are his typical working hours? In my company the basic hours are eight hours, including a lunch break; I'd guess this is fairly typical. If he is working 8.30-4.30, then cooks tea for the children, YWBU to ask him to do the school run. If he's working 8-6pm with meetings that sometimes run late, I would not expect him to do the school run.

If, as I suspect, he's contracted to work 9.30-5.30, logs in at 8.25 but then potters about making tea and reading The Week and runs 10k at lunch, he could do a few school runs per week.

If only to take some of the strain. The fact is, having children requires you to make compromises on your "spare" time... i.e. you can't have it all! You can't lie in, read the newspaper at your leisure, go for a run and enjoy a long bath. You can pick ONE. Maybe two if your children are older. And that's the same if you work or not – assuming you enjoy an equal partnership.

The best thing I've learnt from Mumsnet is: look at your leisure time. If you have the same amount (at different times), it's probably fair.

PS I am a middle manager in fairly large company. Before lockdown I commuted three hours a day the majority of week, but am fortunate to work from home regularly.

I do the school run before work every day I am WFH.

During lockdown I got up at 6 to homeschool my children, started early and took a long lunch to prepare them food and ensure they got some exercise.

When I finish work, I immediately start cooking their tea.

WFH is often horrible, with no commute time for decompression and separation of work and home life. So I have sympathy for others who are doing it.

Not that I'm so bloody brilliant, but I didn't do those things NO-ONE ELSE WOULD HAVE.

It is possible. A lunchtime run is a luxury.

(Not a message for you, OP, as you sound you work much harder than me. But there are others on here who seem to think WFH hours are hallowed. They are not.)

Yes he should be doing a school run if he hasn’t got a meeting. Both me and DH take turns now we are both wfh

He should be doing the 8:30 school run.

Is he not their bio father?

@blackberryjelly
Well said.

So you'll do even more just so he'll pitch in with his children?

Is he not their father?

OP, are you going back to work?
You sound very vulnerable if you have to bargin with your husband to help out.

Take care.