Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are these women a pack of bitches or is it me?

190 replies

Hohohole · 04/09/2020 08:59

I fully understand it could be me. I found out from one of the dad's at school that there is a WhatsApp group for the mum's. I've not been invited. It's been in place for years. I don't know why but it really stung. It's a small school about 30 parents in all. I've also walked by them all in a coffee shop before.
I'm nice and friendly about 5-10 years younger than them if it matters, I'm not particularly looking to make friends with them and don't hang around after school to chat.
I often get texts from the dad's in the school about stuff but never the mum's. The parents are quiet well off, where as I am not. I don't know why it's bugging me but I feel like a left out child at P.E.
Would you be hurt?

OP posts:
IheartJKR · 04/09/2020 09:01

I’d be relieved op.
Nothing good ever comes from these groups.

seayork2020 · 04/09/2020 09:04

If every single person other than you and there is some vendetta against you personally then I would say yes

If it just a case you just happened not to have been invited then no

Either way I personally would not want to be invited

Charlieiscool · 04/09/2020 09:04

It depends on the group. If it’s just a small group of friends then YABU but if it’s a large group that chooses the exclude some Of the mums than yes, they are bitches and YANBU

BluebirdHill · 04/09/2020 09:05

I'd be hurt by that I think. Does your child get on well with the others? Go to parties and so on?

WhoAmIWhoAreYou · 04/09/2020 09:07

Those sort of groups can be toxic. I think it's better you are out of it. Just keep smiling. Say hello & get on with your day Smile

allthingsred · 04/09/2020 09:07

I'm so glad my kids are slightly older & are passed the age of me having to play politics with the school mum's.
Be thankful your not in it op, groups like that, there is always too much drama

DisappearingGirl · 04/09/2020 09:09

We have various WhatsApp groups for different school classes etc but once people have joined initially it's hard to keep track of who's on and who's not. I do sometimes worry about people not being included but I'm a bit shy to go asking parents if they want to join in case I'm pestering them. So what I'm saying is, if anyone's not included in ours then it's definitely not intentional.

If it's a class WhatsApp as opposed to a small group of friends, could you casually ask one of the other mums/dads if you could join?

HasaDigaEebowai · 04/09/2020 09:09

There are various whatspp parent groups in our school. I suspect its not that anyone is being left out, its that nobody had your number to add or it grew through word of mouth. Ours both have loads of people on that I don't even know

DalzielandPaxo · 04/09/2020 09:11

Are you young and single? If so, especially if the dads text you, it’ll be because they’re probably unnerved by you. Not your fault and you’ve probably had a narrow escape. Normal people enter these WhatsApp groups and often turn into nasty, snipey, judgemental cliquey nightmares.

DoubleDolphin · 04/09/2020 09:11

You dont really need to be in a WhatsApp group, they dont know any more of what's happening in the school than you do.

Livelovebehappy · 04/09/2020 09:12

Get your own WhatsApp gang. They’ll be people who are not in their group, just like you. Personally I might feel a bit put out about it at first, but would then just move on from it.

Bluntness100 · 04/09/2020 09:12

Are you sure it’s all the other mums? And not just a smaller group who have been in a group for a long time?

angstinabaggyjumper · 04/09/2020 09:14

Yes I would be hurt.

DominaShantotto · 04/09/2020 09:16

Oh I am openly excluded from one (and there are parents on there who are my friends on FB so know full well who I am online and that I exist). It's a very very bad yeargroup in terms of the playground cliques - has been that way for the last 3 years and there are a lot who will still openly blank me if I say hello to them on the playground (who've tried desperately to get their kids to only play with the children of their own friends and are now being thwarted as the kids are getting to the age where they're making their own decisions).

Other yeargroup I know has a whatsapp that I'm not part of - but we joined the school late and just never got added. I've got enough of the parents' phone numbers I can message if we need to know what day PE is or whatever and enough friends in the parents in that yeargroup so it's not really an issue. The first one is definitely bloody maliciously done though - we have a LOT of problems with it going on in that bunch.

Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 09:21

I wouldn't be bothered if it was a big school but it's so small. Less than 30 children in the whole school. 3 in my daughters class, thankfully she is much more popular than her mamGrin and gets invited to everything. It's definitely all the mum's because ones of the dad's told me about it when asking my opinion on what they were talking about in the group.

Ye are right though, I'm better off out of it. I was single in the first year of school but now have a partner and another child. Ah it doesn't matter anyway. Fuck em.

OP posts:
justdontgothere · 04/09/2020 09:22

I set up a class WhatsApp group when my DS was in reception. Not everyone is on it, but that's only because I or the other mums don't have their phone numbers. Unless there is a backstory of cliquiness then it could be as simple as that?

TitianaTitsling · 04/09/2020 09:22

30 parents in whole school or just the class? If it's whole school is it a small village you are in where they all know each other already and would have the WhatsApp regardless of kids being at school?

GreyishDays · 04/09/2020 09:23

Do they know you’re not in the group?

Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 09:26

Oh and they all have my number the school gives out a sheet every year with our details on it.

OP posts:
Itsrainingnotmen · 04/09/2020 09:26

I am the left out dm at our school.. . I am 49 and have an adult dd and ds 5!! . The other dm's are more her age!!
After being in the thick of school gate drama years ago I am happily left out!.
Op you aren't missing anything!
Your dc won't miss out - the party invites wil still come but thankfully the play dates won't!!

kidsdrivingmemad · 04/09/2020 09:27

I have the same a few of the mums are the "popular clique" always socialising, stand chatting for ages and have a WhatsApp group. I couldn't give a rats arse tbh. I like to get in and get out. Not had any problems with them and most are nice but I like to keep school and my private life separate.

Haworthia · 04/09/2020 09:27

I had NO IDEA, when my first child started school, that the school mums would start off lovely but that it would rapidly descend into cliques and arse kissing and popularity contests.

I was also not privy to the WhatsApp group Grin And it was a deliberate exclusion on their part. The group was for their “popular” group only.

My second child starts this month and I am wise to this shit now. I am going to be friendly and chat to people but that is all.

Rise above it.

roundturnandtwohalfhitches · 04/09/2020 09:28

Just ask one of the Mums you know best. We had one for DS's class and no one was sure who was on it and who wasn't as people just added other people as it went along. It was only when we were arranging stuff during lockdown it became obvious that a couple of people weren't on it. No-one organised it specially and made a list of parents and then added them. They may not even realise you're not there.

Monkeynuts18 · 04/09/2020 09:28

I don’t have a school age child so I’m yet to experience this school mum cliquey thing but I’ve read a lot on MN about it and it sounds bonkers, I’m just amazed anyone has time for it. Don’t these people have jobs and homes to manage?!

Anyway I think it’s a bit of a leap at this stage to assume they’re bitches. They might not even have realised you’re not on it, or it may not be ALL the parents.

Longdistance · 04/09/2020 09:28

I’m in a parents year WhatsApp group. It’s very boring 🥱 trust me. I rarely meet with them as work full time and any time I have I am doing stuff. Trust me, don’t bother. It got dramatic at one point as I disagreed with a parent about something trivial, she flounced 🤷🏼‍♀️ Bloody drama llama!