Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

Are these women a pack of bitches or is it me?

190 replies

Hohohole · 04/09/2020 08:59

I fully understand it could be me. I found out from one of the dad's at school that there is a WhatsApp group for the mum's. I've not been invited. It's been in place for years. I don't know why but it really stung. It's a small school about 30 parents in all. I've also walked by them all in a coffee shop before.
I'm nice and friendly about 5-10 years younger than them if it matters, I'm not particularly looking to make friends with them and don't hang around after school to chat.
I often get texts from the dad's in the school about stuff but never the mum's. The parents are quiet well off, where as I am not. I don't know why it's bugging me but I feel like a left out child at P.E.
Would you be hurt?

OP posts:

StarUtopia · 04/09/2020 14:37

Christ - thank your lucky stars!!!

I removed myself from the WhatsApp group - it was that bad!!!

Stay out of it. Smile. Rise above. Breath a sigh of relief!

WaterOffADucksCrack · 04/09/2020 14:42

I don't recognise the "school parent politics" at all so it interests me that so many posters do.

It wouldn't cross my mind to feel left out, I'd just think they don't have my number or maybe they're all friends which is why I'm not a part of it. I have my own groups of friends though and have never regarded school pick ups and drop offs as a social gathering or way to make new friends so maybe that's the difference?

Also I wouldn't call a group of women bitches. Especially just because they are part of a WhatsApp groups I find that very misogynistic and I don't agree with misogyny at all.

ClumsyAnnabel · 04/09/2020 14:49

Another reason to steer clear is that I've found people get a bee in their bonnet about something, it gains a weird momentum and then there's the whole crowd wanting to get everyone to complain etc/petition/write joint letters/ask for meeting with head etc... and it's really awkward to say "Actually I don't give a toss if they are doing toast at break tbh/ I've always found Mrs So and So to be lovely not the incompetent witch you are implying/ no I don't want to sign a petition to stop the Year 6's using the climbing frame etc."

WithGusto · 04/09/2020 14:51

This does feel very, very mean now you've explained it OP.

If it's a segment of a class or year group who are friends and see each other socially outside of DC then I do understand - but that would still feel quite cliquey.

But whilst I wholly understand why it's dinting your self esteem, I do feel you’re better off out. Seriously.

On the other hand It could be useful though, so if you are bothered try find out from the Dad who the admin is - playing devils advocate it could just be an oversight that you were never added. With 29 members it's going to be hard to keep track off whose in it and who needs adding and I doubt very, very much that everyone actively participates regularly. Once you know the admin just approach and say ‘hi admin, so so’s Dad mentioned the school WhatsApp group last week, would you mind adding me, it would be super useful. My number’s on X form but I’ll text you tonight so you have it. Thanks.’ If it is deliberate if anything it’ll be fun watching her squirm when you ask 😈.

BranchAndPoppy · 04/09/2020 14:55

@ClumsyAnnabel

Omg yes! This sort of thing! "Don't you think it's OUTRAGEOUS that they fed our dcs breadsticks at lunch, two days in a row? Don't you think it's UNACCEPTABLE that we can't park on the double yellow lines at pick up? Don't you think...".

It is always the same people. Always something to be outraged about. It is so tiresome. Again, they are delightful in person, so I blame WhatsApp tbh, not the individuals in question.

Emeraldshamrock · 04/09/2020 14:58

Many parents including me actively avoid the parent watsapp group. I am only interested in school news that comes directly from the school.
There is a school app for information.

CheetasOnFajitas · 04/09/2020 15:20

Can’t you grasp the difference between “deliberately excluded” and “not included”?
You may have not been included by oversight, or because someone mistakenly thought it wasn’t your cup of tea, or maybe they even thought you were on there but just not contributing.

All the Dad did was make you aware of the group. You ARE jumping to the conclusion that they did this on purpose and out of malice, and/or to talk about you behind your back. I very much doubt that.

BranchAndPoppy · 04/09/2020 15:37

@Emeraldshamrock

Many parents including me actively avoid the parent watsapp group. I am only interested in school news that comes directly from the school. There is a school app for information.

I have to say...next time I'm asked if I want to join the parents' WhatsApp group, I will think twice!

Again, it isn't because I dislike the parents at all. They are all perfectly nice in person.

Brakebackcyclebot · 04/09/2020 17:43

I'm not particularly looking to make friends with them and don't hang around after school to chat

Hold onto this. Ask if really you're hurt because you'd like to say no thanks I don't want to be in your group. Stuff them OP and rise above it.

Haworthia · 04/09/2020 17:56

You could tell them that one of the mums walked up to you and called you a cunt, and people would be saying "yeah but how do you know they weren't calling the person behind you a cunt and you just thought they were talking to you".

@Pinkmakeupbag Haha! This is so true Threads like this always go the same way, with a good 50% of responders tying themselves in KNOTS trying to offer up excuses for bizarre or shitty behaviour. It’s so weird.

Glitteryone · 04/09/2020 18:04

I could have wrote this OP!

I live in an affluent area and I’m the only mum who works - the others have no need to as they have rich husbands.

They all drive sparkly new range rovers, whereas I drive a 12 year old car.

I’m 7-10 years younger than them.....

However I thought I got on well with them. I always smile and say hello to everyone. Despite being friendly I’ve found out that there’s been a whatsapp group for 5 years, meals out and even birthday drinks!

I felt like a left out child when I discovered this, but then I let it go - it can only upset you if you let it and I decided I no longer give a shit!

Iwantafuckingbreak · 04/09/2020 18:12

I'm about 10 years younger than most of the mums at school. I'm never invited to anything and no one really talks to me, it's the way I like it

Feagle · 04/09/2020 18:13

Can’t you grasp the difference between “deliberately excluded” and “not included”? You may have not been included by oversight, or because someone mistakenly thought it wasn’t your cup of tea, or maybe they even thought you were on there but just not contributing.

All the Dad did was make you aware of the group. You ARE jumping to the conclusion that they did this on purpose and out of malice, and/or to talk about you behind your back. I very much doubt that.

This, exactly.

Original poster

Hohohole · 04/09/2020 18:24

@CheetasOnFajitas Ok so maybe it was an oversight. Probably not but I don't know everything.
I never said I thought they were talking about me behind my back or it was out of malice.

OP posts:

Othering · 04/09/2020 19:26

@TrickyD

Vile misogynistic choice of language op

I never understand this MN thing about the use of ‘ Bitch’, while calling women cows or cunts seems perfectly acceptable.

Not even remotely acceptable in my world either.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8