Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are these women a pack of bitches or is it me?

190 replies

Hohohole · 04/09/2020 08:59

I fully understand it could be me. I found out from one of the dad's at school that there is a WhatsApp group for the mum's. I've not been invited. It's been in place for years. I don't know why but it really stung. It's a small school about 30 parents in all. I've also walked by them all in a coffee shop before.
I'm nice and friendly about 5-10 years younger than them if it matters, I'm not particularly looking to make friends with them and don't hang around after school to chat.
I often get texts from the dad's in the school about stuff but never the mum's. The parents are quiet well off, where as I am not. I don't know why it's bugging me but I feel like a left out child at P.E.
Would you be hurt?

OP posts:
TitianaTitsling · 04/09/2020 13:13

@Hohohole

I'm not jumping to conclusions I've been told I've been excluded. The dad told me.
So what did you say when he said this?
honeygirlz · 04/09/2020 13:13

I'm not jumping to conclusions I've been told I've been excluded. The dad told me.

The same dad who asked your opinion on what the mums were talking about in the group?

Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 13:15

He said I see you're not part of the group with all the mum's and wanted my opinion on something they were discussing. He sent screenshots and I could see all of the people that were in the group.

Why not just take my word?

OP posts:
honeygirlz · 04/09/2020 13:16

But if it’s a mum’s group then how come he’s on it? Just trying to make sense of it!

Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2020 13:16

@Hohohole

He said I see you're not part of the group with all the mum's and wanted my opinion on something they were discussing. He sent screenshots and I could see all of the people that were in the group.

Why not just take my word?

That’s ridiculous 😂 Why would he say that? Why would he say ‘here’s some evidence of the group you’re excluded from’?

He doesn’t seem a very nice person. A bit bitchy, in fact.

Feagle · 04/09/2020 13:18

He said I see you're not part of the group with all the mums

But he didn't see 'You were excluded', he said 'I see you're not part of the group' ie, he had noticed your name wasn't on there. You really are wildly over-reacting. If you'd like to be on the group, just do what I did when I discovered there was a class WhatsApp I knew nothing about, I asked the admin to add me. I can't be bothered wasting headspace on why I hadn't been included in the first place, but I'm fairly sure it was nothing as dramatic as a deliberate mass choice to leave me out.

Pinkmakeupbag · 04/09/2020 13:19

Op on mumsnet for some reason lots of people will always try to trip you up. They're very cool and wouldn't ever be bothered by something so trivial.

You could tell them that one of the mums walked up to you and called you a cunt, and people would be saying "yeah but how do you know they weren't calling the person behind you a cunt and you just thought they were talking to you".

I think most of us know when we are being excluded and when something is just an oversight.

Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 13:20

@Pumperthepumper careful with that word now.
I don't think he thought that much about it. His wife had sent the screenshots to him.
That clear it up detectives?

OP posts:
Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 13:21

How am I wildly over reacting by saying I'm a bit hurt?

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 04/09/2020 13:22

It actually sounds like he is trying to stir something up and make you feel bad intentionally.

Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2020 13:22

@Pinkmakeupbag

Op on mumsnet for some reason lots of people will always try to trip you up. They're very cool and wouldn't ever be bothered by something so trivial.

You could tell them that one of the mums walked up to you and called you a cunt, and people would be saying "yeah but how do you know they weren't calling the person behind you a cunt and you just thought they were talking to you".

I think most of us know when we are being excluded and when something is just an oversight.

This is interesting, because to me, Mumsnet is the opposite - it’s full of super-friendly people who other mothers (never fathers) take against for absolutely no reason at all, then start WhatsApp groups including everyone else but not that one person, and it’s definitely that they’re being excluded on purpose for no reason, and then they’re advised to ignore everyone forever and never try to get to the bottom of it.

It’s the school run! What are the chances that the OP has given off a secret smell or something that makes all the other women (not the men) hate her for no reason and go out of their way to make sure she’s excluded?

honeygirlz · 04/09/2020 13:23

It just doesn’t make sense OP. How could you see all the people in the group in one screenshot? How many screenshots did he show you?

Sloth66 · 04/09/2020 13:23

It Sounds hurtful and might have been nice to be asked, but long term I don’t think these groups go well.

Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2020 13:24

[quote Hohohole]@Pumperthepumper careful with that word now.
I don't think he thought that much about it. His wife had sent the screenshots to him.
That clear it up detectives?[/quote]
Well no, because why would he do that if he knew you weren’t in the group? Does it not make it more likely that you’ve just been forgotten about, rather than deliberately excluded, because he felt comfortable enough telling you and sending you screenshots?

Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 13:29

I don't think he thought anything of me not being included maybe he thought I'd opted out. There was a lot of screenshots. About 15, I could see the full conversation.
It's grand anyway. Thanks for the support.

OP posts:
Shelby2010 · 04/09/2020 13:30

Just casually say to one of the more friendly mums that you hadn’t realised there was a WhatsApp group. Is it something you should be on or is it a private group?

Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2020 13:31

@Hohohole

I don't think he thought anything of me not being included maybe he thought I'd opted out. There was a lot of screenshots. About 15, I could see the full conversation. It's grand anyway. Thanks for the support.
He sent you 15 screenshots?! Of a group he knew you weren’t part of?

I don’t think your problem is with the mothers.

Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2020 13:34

Although I’d love to know what the chat was about that he thought it was worth screenshotting 15 messages worth of conversation that he thought you’d been deliberately excluded from 😂

Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 13:34

@Pinkmakeupbag thanks so much, I think people are missing the point of my post.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2020 13:35

Also, he didn’t think you’d been deliberately excluded then? So why so sure you were?

Hardbackwriter · 04/09/2020 13:35

@Hohohole

He said I see you're not part of the group with all the mum's and wanted my opinion on something they were discussing. He sent screenshots and I could see all of the people that were in the group.

Why not just take my word?

I find it quite surprising that you're happy to call every other woman in the school 'bitches' but that it's not a word you use for a man who sends screenshots of groups to people who aren't members of them, ie who talks about people behind their backs and stirs up trouble
Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 13:37

Jesus @Pumperthepumper you really want all the info.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 04/09/2020 13:39

Ah, I was just having a joke with you, you don’t really have to say. But you have to admit it’s a bit weird to call his wife a bitch when he’s led you to believe you’ve been excluded on purpose from a group, then screenshots 15 pages of private conversation and sends it to you.

TitianaTitsling · 04/09/2020 13:40

So his wife took screenshots of the group participant list that he then sent to you?

Original poster
Hohohole · 04/09/2020 13:42

Ah it was more of a headline to grab people's attention, I don't think they are all bitches, and I've apologised for calling them this. I was just hurt. The big bunch of meanies Grin.

OP posts: