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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

365 replies

MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 07:53

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

OP posts:
HermioneGranger20 · 03/09/2020 07:58

I personally would not be happy with that situation.

Wishingforanotherlife · 03/09/2020 07:59

Wouldn’t bother me in the slightest. I’d just be relieved I had babysitters. But if they were know big drinkers I wouldn’t be leaving kids with them anyway. Having a few pals round for a dinner party doesn’t mean they are going to get hammered, dance on table and throw up.

If you’re not used to leaving the kids I’d guess you’re perhaps feeling a little anxious about it anyway. Go have a lovely weekend, it’ll be fine

Itsrainingnotmen · 03/09/2020 08:00

Do you never had friends over when your dc are there? Do you know their intended guests?

LittleGungHo · 03/09/2020 08:00

How old are the kids?
Are you paying her or swapping services?

Findahouse21 · 03/09/2020 08:01

Depends how old the children are. If over 3 then fine. Not the end of the world to watch some TV to be honest

Fatted · 03/09/2020 08:02

Personally I wouldn't do it. If we're out at night, my parents look after our kids at our house. I appreciate not every one can do that though. But it works best for us.

WhyIsItSoHardToPickAUsername · 03/09/2020 08:04

The thing that matters the most, the kids age, is not mentioned.

FTMF30 · 03/09/2020 08:06

The thing that would bother me the most is if I don't know the dinner guests. I wouldn't want my DC around strangers in that setting without me or DH being with them. Do you know the dinner guests?

Rumblebear · 03/09/2020 08:06

Yes-depends how old kids are and how comfortable they are with your friend ie confident enough to go and interupt the party if they need to/have a problem. I wouldn't be thrilled with excessive drinking but 2-3 glasses of wine, sure, we will have done same when we have friends over and our kids are asleep. I suppose if your kids are particularly sensitive they may feel a little in the way if the focus is on the dinner party, or they may love a chance for a film without much adult supervision.

Janaih · 03/09/2020 08:09

Her saying "it's just that we are having a dinner party...we can still have them though" suggests to me she doesn't want to babysit now but is putting the onus on you to cancel it.
Yet another example of people letting others down when they get a better offer. I would be very pissed off with such a friend. But if you Express your annoyance she will bounce it back and say yabu so you cant really win :(

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:10

@Wishingforanotherlife thank you, we barely ever have time away from the kids so I think it's making me anxious

@Itsrainingnotmen yes we have had friends over but we are here as well and the kids are in their own home, that's very different! I have never met the intended guests, no but they all sound nice enough.

@LittleGungHo kids are 6 and 8. and no not paying her, and not swapping her children are teenagers.

@fatted that would be ideal, but no grandparents unfortunately :(

OP posts:
ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 03/09/2020 08:11

Toddlers? Probably not but that would be because I know it would be likely to ruin the dinner party but anywhere older? Why not? That said, if the DH is anything like mine it wouldn't be an issue as he'd be able to sort a whole troop of kids from newborn upwards with no support from me whilst I did a dinner party.

Are they catering a dinner party or is it a meet up with takeaway?

HasaDigaEebowai · 03/09/2020 08:11

I think the polite thing to do is to arrange a different babysitter. She was doing you a favour. The weekend you want is not convenient for her (whatever she says about it being fine), so you arrange something else.

OverTheRainbow88 · 03/09/2020 08:12

I wouldn’t mind them watching tv for an eve or having less attention for one eve if it meant we got a weekend away!! But, if I didn’t know the other guests and thought there would be a lot of drinking I’m not sure what I would do.

Does your friend have children herself? Maybe she doesn’t realise that it will be quite stressful for her hosting a dinner party and looking after someone else’s kids

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:12

@Janaih i am a bit annoyed, just wanted other peoples opinions because I can't tell if I am being silly or not. We barely ever leave them with anyone, it's very rare. It feels like they just didn't want to give up their saturday night in the end!

OP posts:
ChesterDrawsDoesntExist · 03/09/2020 08:12

Just read the ages. 6 and 8 is absolutely fine! Mine at that age would have been helping out!

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:12

@hasa we don't have another babysitter!

OP posts:
Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:13

Thank you all for your opinions, this is really helpful

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 03/09/2020 08:14

I think it will be fine but if you’re worried, celebrate your anniversary at a different time.

WendyHoused · 03/09/2020 08:14

Totally fine.

They aren’t babies, they will be safe and well. An evening of telly or a DVD won’t do them any harm.

gobbynorthernbird · 03/09/2020 08:14

If I were you, I'd gently ask if she wanted to rearrange for another weekend. But, that would be to save my friend the hassle and not because I think a 6 and 8 yo would be damaged by having a night in front of the telly.

CalmdownJanet · 03/09/2020 08:14

At 6 & 8 it's totally fine, there is no minding in that age. What age are her kids?

WhyIsItSoHardToPickAUsername · 03/09/2020 08:15

At 6 & 8 this wouldn't bother me.

FTMF30 · 03/09/2020 08:15

@HasaDigaEebowai

I think the polite thing to do is to arrange a different babysitter. She was doing you a favour. The weekend you want is not convenient for her (whatever she says about it being fine), so you arrange something else.
Except the friend offered to do the favour and confirmed the date was ok a few times, then went and decided to arrange a dinner party AFTER agreeing to look after her DC.

Favour or not, it's a little out of order to expect her to arrange a different babysitter at this stage, which the friend knows is a challenge. She shouldn't have offered in the first place.

Bluntness100 · 03/09/2020 08:16

I suspect she’s messed up the dates and doesn’t want to cancel on you or admit it. Unless she has folks over every weekend. She’d prob prefer you cancel.

I’d maybe ask her if she prefers you move it to another weekend. Shit for you but there it is.

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