If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

[MoggyMittens23]

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

Oops rtft, hope you get your night out either way op, we all need some downtime

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I assume all of the children will have dinner and probably watch TV which is what they would be doing whether there is a dinner party or not I imagine?

Having extra adults around and cooking some dinner for them won't impede their ability to babysit, what did you think they were going to do with them all night, sit them on the sofa and stare at them?

My kids eat dinner, bath then TV/X-box and it's no different when we entertain.

You're overreacting.

Read the full thread but have to say absolutely no way no how. Anything can happen, strangers drinking? Young kids looked after by someone who will be busy entertaining? Me personally I'd feel wreckless. I know too many lives ruined in situations that should've been day to day and acceptable. And as for drinking, happily knock back a couple of drinks with my own kids in the house but definitely not if I'm responsible for someone else's.

Babysitterd aren't really there to entertain your kids, not like nursery or childminders normally its dinner then bed.

Basically its an adult in the house while you're out.

I expect a bit more than a warm body in a babysitter. They don’t need to entertain them constantly but I do expect them to be available to them, responsive, I do expect them to spend time with them and engage with them. While making dinner wouldn’t get in the way of that, making dinner, entertaining and drinking with friends would.

I wouldn’t risk it, if you don’t know all the other adults attending.

6 and 8 months would be a concern but 6 and 8 years is fine. You need to start going out more and also having dinner parties with friends who have kids of a similar age to yours. It's the best as they just entertain each other and stay out of adult way! 😄

I’m going against the flow on this one. I wouldn’t be ok with this. I rarely leave my kids overnight and if I do I’d want the people caring for them to spend time with them

I think perhaps people who don't leave their kids much do feel a bit more anxious about this kind of thing, like the op. I've always left mine with friends from a young age, and would feel totally relaxed about this scenario. At the end of the day, if I didn't trust a friend not to get completely bladdered and fail to safeguard the kids, I wouldn't let them babysit at all, dinner party or not.

Hope it works out for you op, maybe another date will be best all round

@MamaAffrika

That's so true. My DDs get on really well with my DSis's 3 DC, who are of very similar ages. When we see each other now, the kids all play happily and we hardly see them at all. So we can have plenty of adult time with my DSis and DBIL whilst my DDs have a ball playing with their cousins.

Wouldn't bother me at all, I would accept and be thankful

I think perhaps people who don't leave their kids much do feel a bit more anxious about this kind of thing, like the op

I don’t feel anxious about leaving my kids at all. It’s not that I would be worried about my kids in this situation, I just think they need more than a warm body and a tv of an evening.

I’m not sure how setting boundaries around what’s ok or not for your kids translates to anxiety, angst or ingratitude. I’m not so in need of a night out that I’ll leave my kids with folk who clearly have other plans for the evening.

Doesn’t appear to be a safe environment for your children, you don’t know the other people, your children will be amongst strangers, and you won’t enjoy your weekend thinking about what’s happening, cancel, and make arrangements on your terms.

I agree , if she has agreed a date and then not willing to change her plans I would feel a little put out. One weekend to dedicate to your children wouldn’t hurt . I can see how you would feel hurt. Your children are older so tbh they may really enjoy spending some time with ppl in new surroundings . I would speak to your friend and suggest that as she has plans you wouldn’t want to add to her evening and cause stress by her having your kids. You will tell straight away when she answers if she too is regretting double booking that night. If she insists she is fine then I would speak to the children and explain the plan make sure they are aware that there will be new adults present and ensure they are happy with the situation. If after all of that it’s up to you and your partner to decide if you feel comfortable leaving them for the evening . Good luck x

I would cancel. I wouldn't want my kids in a house full of potentially drunk strangers. I would be angry that they had done this and wouldn't ask them again. Do something during the day for your anniversary whilst the kids are at school, afternoon tea or something and then get a takeaway and rent a movie for the evening! Much less stressful!

You should not be having a dinner party where social distancing isn't possible!!!! Isn't it still 6 people max

Nope I wouldn’t be happy. They are supposed to be looking after other people kids first and foremost . Asking over friends ( do you know them ?) and having a boozy dinner party is poor form and doesn’t demonstrate any interest in spending time with your kids . Like you said you hoped they would have quality time .
I would make an excuse to change your dates and perhaps rearrange for another weekend .

Depends on how your kids react. If you're rarely away from them could they get homesick and want to go home to mum and dad, would your friend be able to combat that if she's in full swing of a dinner party?

How old are her teenage kids? Could you ask them/one of them to come to yours instead to babysit and you can pay them?

Get a grip.

I have already left a message regarding this lady’s dilemma?

Nope I wouldn’t be happy. They are supposed to be looking after other people kids first and foremost . Asking over friends ( do you know them ?) and having a boozy dinner party is poor form and doesn’t demonstrate any interest in spending time with your kids . Like you said you hoped they would have quality time.

I think it's a bit entitled to expect people to demonstrate an interest in spending time with the kids. They are just offering free childcare, they don't need to bend over backwards to show they personally, deeply wanted to spend time with someone else's kids. The favour was more for the adult, their friend. They're not auditioning.

That's not to say OP has to be comfortable with the arrangement and go ahead with it, but I think the question in the title of the thread should be "if you are hosting a dinner party, you don't babysit someone's kids" rather than the way OP puts it. The party is their priority and the babysitting a favour they're willing to do alongside it. It's quite demanding to be disgruntled they aren't interested enough in quality time with the kids.

I personally wouldn’t leave mine with friends who were hosting a dinner party and drink was involved.. what if there was an emergency and they had all had too much to drink so no one could drive to A & E. my children are both under 2 but I can’t imagine being happy with that when they were older either.

Then again I hate leaving my children at the best of times. When we go see family (pre Covid obviously) we don’t just let family take over with holding them etc

No, this would not work for me, I wouldn’t allow it to go ahead for my own child.

You don’t know the other adults, they will all be drinking. At 6 and 8 they are still very young and vulnerable.

Some friends over to dinner wouldn't be a problem for me. The kids eating / watching tv out of norm routine for one night won't hurt. As long as they are looked after and your trust your friend there is no issue? You must trust her or you would never have asked her

If she is likely to be having a wild party that's different

I think your friend is being a good friend, not letting you down even though it clashes with something she's planned (even if she was forgetful and double-booked). As long as you can trust she's responsible, I'd say take the good from this (you have a lovely friend) and go enjoy yourself. Its just one night.