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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

365 replies

MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 07:53

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

OP posts:
ThunderSkies · 03/09/2020 08:33

In theory it’s fine, but I think YANBU

What happens if your children can’t settle or miss you or something goes wrong? Where will their attention be? And how will they cope if they're distracted from their guests? (Would they be annoyed with your children etc?)

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:33

While it is very nice of her, I used to have her children a lot when they were younger, I’ve taken them to dental appointments when she’s had work, gone to check on them when they have been away now they are older and don’t need babysitting. I think I’ve made it sound as though I’m all take take take! Not that that’s anything to do with the original AIBU just wanted to clear that up!

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 03/09/2020 08:34

I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU?

I don’t think you are being unreasonable it’s 1-2 nights of their whole year, which they offered

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/09/2020 08:34

I wouldn’t be keen if I thought they were likely to all be drinking a lot. But the sorts of dinner parties I normally have it would be fine so long as the kids were comfortable there and it wasn’t going to be a strange home with a bunch of strangers getting drunk downstairs while the kids hide in an unfamiliar bedroom on their own (like something from a bad kids’ story about orphans and nasty aunts!).

I would kind of expect that kind of babysitting offer to be them plonking the kids in front of the TV all night with some pizza, though, and that’s why my kids would have loved it!

SueEllenMishke · 03/09/2020 08:34

I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU?

My child doesn't even get my full attention ALL the time!

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:34

There will be a lot of drinking btw, they are big drinkers.

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 03/09/2020 08:35

You either trust your friend to take care of your kids or you don't.

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/09/2020 08:35

At 6 and 8 I think it would be fine as well. We used to have friends round for dinner when DD was that age.

I have friends round too (mine are 9 and 7 now), the difference being the children have dinner with us, they’re in their own home so can entertain themselves, take themselves off to their rooms if they want and the people coming are friends of mine who know my children and my children know them.

I wouldn’t want my kids in an unfamiliar house, without their own space, with unfamiliar people. It’s a completely different thing to have my own dinner party at home.

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:36

When I say full attention, I don’t mean watching them every single second, I just though they might have gone to the park or watched a film together or something. But they’ll be busy cooking beforehand and then entertaining guests. So no quality time with them, that’s more what I meant b

OP posts:
GinDrinker00 · 03/09/2020 08:36

If it’s only for a few hours what’s the issue? It’s not like they’re having them overnight. If it’s a real problem for you look for a DBS checked babysitter and hire one of those for the night?

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:37

@GinDrinker00 I couldn’t do that I just wouldn’t feel comfortable. I’ll just take them with us if I feel that way inclined, just wanted other people opinions as like I said, we are rarely without them.

OP posts:
ThunderSkies · 03/09/2020 08:37

@picklemewalnuts

Not to be a party pooper, but isn't that 4 households? Your D.C., the babysitting family, the two invited couples? Are you in the uk?
Very good point
cologne4711 · 03/09/2020 08:38

I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU

I thought babysitting was sitting downstairs reading a book or watching TV while the kids were in bed upstairs!

I wouldn't have a problem with the dinner party thing, except that the kids might not sleep and therefore interrupt - and they might drink too much. The latter would probably be my biggest concern to be honest especially as you say they are big drinkers.

Can you change the date?

sooveritalready · 03/09/2020 08:38

I wouldn't be ok, I agree I'd like less drinking, less strangers, less focus on entertaining their friends - for the first time at least. And not impressed they're ignoring Covid guidelines.

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:39

@picklemewalnuts very good point!!

OP posts:
WeAllHaveWings · 03/09/2020 08:39

@MoggyMittens23

There will be a lot of drinking btw, they are big drinkers.
If you think they won't curtail the booze when they have your kids and are still likely to get pissed, then you don't trust them, so cancel.
Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:41

Thank you very much to everyone being nice while giving their opinions!

@MsTSwift I’ll make sure I get some professional help.

OP posts:
nestisflown · 03/09/2020 08:42

Babysitters aren’t the same as a nanny. The only thing I expect from a babysitter is to feed them, to treat them kindly, and to supervise (I.e make sure they are not in danger and tend to them if they hurt themselves/ have an accident). If they were toddlers then the dinner party might mean they can’t meet the minimum expectation- but since they are older I can’t see why your friend won’t be able to host while making sure your children are safe and content.

I’d only have the expectation of quality time from a regular nanny, childminder, au pair or from close family members who asked to have them for the day.

HazelWong · 03/09/2020 08:43

I would rearrange for another weekend if you can - I think that is what your friend is hinting at.

But if your bookings aren't refundable, I would go for it, like you, we have no one to have our kids and it does get wearing. Time together as a couple is important and it sounds like you don't get much of it.

I would also look at getting in the occasional evening babysitter (maybe even this friend's teenager!)

BoomBoomsCousin · 03/09/2020 08:43

@MoggyMittens23

There will be a lot of drinking btw, they are big drinkers.
This would bother me. How well do your kids know them? Are they likely to be so drunk they will be unable to respond appropriately if your DC are homesick? Or so drunk your kids will feel intimidated by the raucous party going on and so unable to ask for help if they need it? Are the older teens going to be there and are they kind to your DC? Will they be useful keeping your DC entertained and able to get attention for them if needed?

Also - Even if I decided it was all going to be fine, I would still be a bit miffed that they’d double booked themselves after agreeing to take your DC. YANBU to think that was a bit off. But there’s not much you can do about that. You just have to think about whether you make the most of the situation or cancel.

Didkdt · 03/09/2020 08:44

Your friend has teenagers, they will probably be around to help and at that age my children would have thought that was way more exciting.
I would double check your friend is happy then leave the arrangement as is

frustrationcentral · 03/09/2020 08:45

The drinking would bother me as I personally don't like the idea of there not being someone sober available if there was an issue with one of the children, but it's easy for me to say as I'm tee total

Oaktree55 · 03/09/2020 08:45

If I’m responsible for other people’s children I don’t drink etc. I’d assumed others took same level of responsibility but obviously not. I wouldn’t be happy either.

doodleygirl · 03/09/2020 08:45

I think the biggest issue seems to be your anxiety. It isn’t a good thing never to have time away from your children.

I think YABU.

Why not try and find a regular babysitter.

MrsEricBana · 03/09/2020 08:46

I think yanbu at all not being keen on the fact that she saw fit to arrange a dinner party during a global pandemic after she had already agreed to look after your young dcs. I definitely wouldn't leave them as it would make me doubt her judgement plus potentially put them at risk of covid/accident if not in own home and her attention is diverted, alcohol involved etc. You need to trust your gut feelings. Sorry though, I'd feel let down.