If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

[MoggyMittens23]

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

The problem is that they clearly won't have much time to pay attention to your kids. Two big elenents of any overnight for kids is are they happy/comfortable being away from home and the fun of being/doing something different. To just be plonked somewhere where the people they're staying with are busy with other things sounds like both these elements will be missing. Particularly if your kids aren't used to staying with them.
I wouldn't be happy with that, especially given kids age. It would probably be less of a problem if they were younger and less aware.!! Definitely likely to feel left out or in the way.

Another issue is that even the best behaved kids play up sometimes, and they're out of routine, this is what can result. If the parents are there, they can manage this. The friend hasn't looked after these kids before, so how will she handle it if they bicker with each other or refuse to go to bed when told to? If I was the parent, this would be a concern.

I also suspect the friends visiting might not appreciate the fact that their hosts are babysitting another friend's kids. You get that kind of thing discussed in AIBU threads. The friend needs to give them a heads up that it won't be a childfree evening. A lot of people feel they have to rein in their language around kids (which is true) and resent having to do so on a night out. Younger kids would be asleep by then, but this isn't likely at the ages of 8 and 6.

I really do think this is a case of the friend accidentally double booking (this seems in character from what the OP said) and is probably hoping that the OP will cancel, but doesn't feel that she can let her down.

She's hardly going to be upset if the OP offers to reschedule, is she?

It would be a no from me, op. You'd be leaving your very young and vulnerable children with a group of adults who will presumably be drinking. How comfortable will your kids feel? But more importantly, how well do you know the other adults? How safe will your kids be?

@Margerine78

I think your friend is being a good friend, not letting you down even though it clashes with something she's planned (even if she was forgetful and double-booked). As long as you can trust she's responsible, I'd say take the good from this (you have a lovely friend) and go enjoy yourself. Its just one night.

I disagree with this

DFriend agreed to have the children months in advance and confirmed date again a few weeks prior, so OP and her DH made plans on that. It was DFriend's offer. Friend clearly didn't write it in her calendar and double booked. And at the last minute tells OP she's having a dinner party with multiple adult couples in the house 'lots of drinking' on the same night , which does change it. It's really rubbish and DFriend who has had OP babysit her DCs many times, not been let down herself by OP, has been flakey. They sound flakey and that they didn't give any of it much thought from any one else's perspectives

I don't think OP is BU to do an unwitnessed eye roll and cancel this as she now has to make other childcare arrangements. Whilst it might all go fine, DFriend doesn't sound reliable and it introduces unknown factors that many parents wouldn't be comfortable with.

I wonder how short notice it was, if it was this weekend, I bet OP had to take her DC with her and DH.

She has teenagers. I am sure your friend can organise a dinner and look after 2 children. The kids will probably be asleep before it really gets going they are 6 & 8. Do you like yr friends kids are they nice? If they are ok no problem.

I'm middle aged now, but still get a knot in my stomach thinking about the time when I was 6 and DSis was 8 and our parents left us with some very good friends for the weekend...we both knew the family very well....but I can tell you I was extremely anxious the entire time and my poor 8 year old sister felt the burden of trying to comfort me...all the strange things going on in their house..the strange noises, etc.
I know it sounds like a wonderful relaxing anniversary for you and DH, but, please just wait a few more years when DC are older and are used to being at sleepovers, etc. You will never regret not going right now...I can sympathise that you need some alone time but, I wonder if you could even enjoy yourself thinking of your DC?

Can’t you find a sensible local teen and pay them to babysit? We did that for years when ours were primary age. They in their home and loved the glamour of a teenage girl looking after them. I babysat for years when I was a teen. Seems a right palaver and fuss calling in favours and disrupting another family’s weekend for abit of babysitting?

Have they had them overnight before?
I personally wouldn’t leave mine overnight in that situation. You don’t know who the other people are who are coming to the dinner party. I couldn’t relax in that situation. I have 3 children and I’m a teacher so am used to looking after children/safeguarding etc.

Age 6 & 8? They can eat what the grown ups are eating, and entertain themselves in front of the TV.

If you want dedicated attention, pay for it.

Was it last night ?

I would just send them! They could end up having a great time and being utterly spoilt.
Your post is a bit snowflakey, to be honest.

If she's known for being flakey I'd say rearrange to when she's free and her kids are at home too. If your gut says no then you won't relax anyway. She sounds bloody cheeky though after all you've done for her

Only you can say whether or not you are comfortable with the arrangement. I know I wouldn't let a friend look after my kids, whilst she was entertaining other adults, especially adults I or my kids don't know. Go with your gut

A bit “ snowflakey “with adults , some of whom the op doesn’t know heavily drinking. Seriously, it’s totally inappropriate. The woman wants the op to cancel , I wouldn’t bother to ask again. Some people just like the act of “ offering “ without actually doing anything.

I'd offer to change the date, unless your kids are super comfortable at her house already, or her teenagers are fond of your kids and have offered to look after them for the evening.

You won't be able to relax and have fun unless you know the kids are ok.