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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

365 replies

MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 07:53

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

OP posts:
MsTSwift · 03/09/2020 08:16

Sorry I think it’s very odd you are concerned - are your kids very high maintenance with elaborate bed time routines?

Twickerhun · 03/09/2020 08:17

It wouldn’t bother me to be honest. Not at that age anyhow.

JulesCobb · 03/09/2020 08:18

Surely the kids would be in bed during the dinner party? And not plonked in front of the tv.

However, i wouldnt like it and would pull out or change the date. I woulnt want unknown adults in the house with my chilsren when i wasnt There.

Takemetothebar · 03/09/2020 08:19

Politely, I think you’re being daft. I don’t see a problem? The kids aren’t toddlers, your friend has had kids and presumably the children will eat either what the adults have or something before?!

We do dinner parties and have people over for supper a lot- DC get what we have but perhaps without the spicy sauce or whatever. We drink wine but no one is slamming tequila and passing out! Presumably your friends are adults not teenagers in freshers week.

I think you should go and have a lovely time :)

Ginfordinner · 03/09/2020 08:19

At 6 and 8 I think it would be fine as well. We used to have friends round for dinner when DD was that age.

Yankathebear · 03/09/2020 08:19

Absolutely fine! You obviously trust this friend to have your dc so I trust her judgment on this.
The children might enjoy it!

Potterpotterpotter · 03/09/2020 08:20

You are being over dramatic. It’s not hard to look after a 6&8 year old and still have a couple of friends over for a dinner party.
The don’t have to sit in a room and only give your children their sole attention and do nothing else all night.
If you trust your friend enough to look after your kids then I presume you trust her judgement enough about the company she keeps so who the diner guests are doesn't even matter.
You’re not even paying her or looking after her kids in return so you can dictate what someone
Does with their evening at the same time. Hire a babysitter next time.

Takemetothebar · 03/09/2020 08:20

All of those worried about kids in a house with strangers. These are friends of her good friend- you’d like to think they are reasonable judges of character? I know there’s a slight risk but it must be tiny, and something I find quite odd for so many people to be concerned about. I don’t live with that level of suspicion all the time.

EleanorOalike · 03/09/2020 08:22

Won’t her teenagers be on hand to keep an eye on them? They’ll probably be in bed for most of the dinner party anyway!

sbhydrogen · 03/09/2020 08:23

Sounds like the kids would enjoy helping. I used to help host when I was 4+, and I loved it.

Sounds as though you're just not used to leaving the kids. It sounds fine to me :)

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 03/09/2020 08:23

No, because you do not know the guests. Child protection issues.

picklemewalnuts · 03/09/2020 08:24

Not to be a party pooper, but isn't that 4 households? Your D.C., the babysitting family, the two invited couples? Are you in the uk?

FiddlefigOnTheRoof · 03/09/2020 08:24

@Takemetothebar

All of those worried about kids in a house with strangers. These are friends of her good friend- you’d like to think they are reasonable judges of character? I know there’s a slight risk but it must be tiny, and something I find quite odd for so many people to be concerned about. I don’t live with that level of suspicion all the time.
I appreciate this. I was the same. Until something happened in a close friend’s family and I researched the stats.
Confrontayshunme · 03/09/2020 08:24

My DH's parents do this all the time, even when my kids were tiny. Put the kids to bed and have a late dinner with friends round. If they feel they can handle it, you shouldn't worry. Even if your kids are up and down unsettled in someone else's house, it's just for one night. You sound like you rarely leave them, so I think on the whole, YABU.

Wakemeupwhenthisisover · 03/09/2020 08:25

Yanbu for not wanting your kids around loads of people you don’t know especially those drinking but YABU for saying you don’t want them In front of the tv and you want your friend to entertain them! She is doing you a favour, when anyone babysits my kids I say look if they watch more tv than usual that’s fine as they are doing ME the favour and looking after kids that aren’t your own is hard!

Doje · 03/09/2020 08:26

I'd think it was fine.

Guests arrive at 7pm, kids can have a film and 'midnight snack' upstairs then off to bed. It doesn't take more than 5 minutes to do teeth and put them in bed.

TheSeedsOfADream · 03/09/2020 08:27

Wouldn't bother me, and as Bluntness says, she's obviously messed up weekends.

It's very good of her to have your kids overnight. You won't find many friends willing to do that.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 03/09/2020 08:27

It sounds like she would prefer you cancel. Tbh this is the risk with relying on friends to do you a favour & babysit for free/for no return service. You "owe them" so aren't really in a position to make demands.

Can you just get a normally paid babysitter instead? Ask around your neighbours, or perhaps one of your friends teenagers would like to be paid to come to your house & babysit your kids?

Jellycatspyjamas · 03/09/2020 08:28

I’m going against the flow on this one. I wouldn’t be ok with this. I rarely leave my kids overnight and if I do I’d want the people caring for them to spend time with them. They wouldn’t need entertaining constantly but I’d definitely not be happy with my kids stuck in front of a tv while the grown ups had friends round.

There’s also the possibility that the kids will be unsettled and need a bit more care than they would at home, because they are so rarely away from home. I’d just feel like my kids would be in the way. My kids see a sleepover as a treat, to have fun, not to be sat alone in front of a tv all night. I’d arrange a different night.

TheSeedsOfADream · 03/09/2020 08:29

Re "the stats"
Those would be the stats showing that over 80% of abuse happens with a blood relative, right? Not your mate's dinner party guest? Unless of course your mate is actually head of a paedophile ring which would be really unlucky.

SueEllenMishke · 03/09/2020 08:29

It really wouldn't bother me. I completely trust my friends to look after my child.

NancyNoNickers · 03/09/2020 08:29

@FiddlefigOnTheRoof you researched the stats of dinner party guests abusing children? What did you find. OP, at the end of the day you don’t feel comfortable so don’t send them. As you can see lots of people don’t think it’s a problem, but everyone has their own boundaries. This is breaking yours so you should just not let them go.

burnoutbabe · 03/09/2020 08:31

I'd be paranoid that really the friend wanted me to cancel but was too polite to say and was going to just drop out at last minute.
It's hard to know if this is the case. Is the anniversary thing something you can drop at know cost last minute? (Or even now) or does it not matter if she drops out at lady minutes bar being annoying?

Would your kids be okay being in another house with lots going on, stuck in a bedroom for the night and not really able to speak to the adults in charge as they are busy? Sounds like they don't actually stay away from home much?

Lockdownseperation · 03/09/2020 08:31

At 6 and 8 I’m sure they would love to eat pizza and ice cream in front of a film. You know if this is good for your kids or not.

Pobblebonk · 03/09/2020 08:32

I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU?

That's not how babysitting works. You're not asking them to be all-singing all-dancing substitute parents, you're asking them to make sure your children are safe and well for a few hours.