If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

[MoggyMittens23]

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

At 6 & 8 I would expect them to spend time with them during the day, take them out, set them up with some activities whilst I was cooking, give them some pizza / pasta for dinner at about 6 and get them off to bed by 7.30 / 8 and have my evening with friends. I would also assume that even if my friends were drinkers they would make sure they didn’t get too drunk and that they would see the kids again in the morning

This is what I would expect too. Not doing a games night or a movie night taking up my whole evening.

Sounds like it might be eye-opening for your kids to spend a little time in a more relaxed family environment.

@Potterpotterpotter

I think your being unreasonable expecting them to sit down with your kids and do a games night etc.

Totally agree. They're not grandparents and they are doing you a favour. I would be happy to keep an eye on someones children, but I wouldn't expect to shape my life around it.

@MoggyMittens23 I mean this kindly, but other non related adults are t bothered about “quality” time with your children. Only you care about that, as I’m the only one who cares about quality time with my kids and my nieces and nephews. Friends kids I’ll look after as a favour but not for any real want for spending time with them. This doesn’t mean I’m not nice to them or want them to have fun, but you’re looking at it as if this benefits you both when it doesn’t it benefits you, they are doing you a favour, not the other way round.

Aren’t*

i bet it would be fun for your dc

OP,
YANBU.

Big drinkers, lively dinner party, and babysitting two children don't mix.

I say this as someone who enjoys lively dinner party's!

I certainly wouldn't have people over if I had committed to mind someone's children for an overnighter....

I would be very disappointed in my friend doing this.

She committed and she's backing out.

If she had told you that they could definitely come on that date but she was having friends over for dinner, I bet you would have said we will do it another weekend.

Unfortunately I would not leave the children with her, she will be too busy with her entertaining.

I would be very disappointed that she would be so flaky.

Even more so, that you have obliged her so many times.

We also never left our children overnight because of not having anyone close nearby, but we survived it.

I wouldn’t be bothered at all. She is a friend who will care for your kids and they will see a slice of life at her house. They will be fine.

[quote MoggyMittens23]@BoomBoomsCousin

They know them well, my kids won’t be homesick or anything they are very easy children. It’s more that I had a different evening planned on my head, they had said they were looking forward to it and I made sure I asked well in advance so just thought they would have a little movie or game night with them like we used to with theirs. I would never have people round for a dinner party if I was looking after somebody else kids but that’s just me.

I’m not sure if the teenagers will be there as they do every other weekend With other parent.[/quote]
I think you are expecting too much from a friend who is doing you a favour !

You have different parenting styles, even if you rearrange she'll probably do the same next time, or pop out for a couple of hours and leave her 13 year old in charge etc.

You just need to decide if you'd rather have a night out with ok but not how you'd do things childcare or stay home/pay for childcare. Personally I'd be ok with it as a one off for a 6 and 8 year old, but wouldn't do it regularly or with younger kids.

Wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd trust my friend to let me know if she thought they'd be in danger. If not in danger then I don't see the issue.

@Potterpotterpotter I think
It’s just because that’s what we used to do with theirs when they were little and stayed over? DH says to lower my expectations. Reading this thread has definitely chilled me out a bit but then there are so many mixed views!

@CheetasOnFajitas I meant would they be involved in the dinner party with these people not would she feed them all at ffs. And that’s quite a horrible thing to say. There’s been a few snide comments on this thread but that’s pretty bitchy. My kids have a great life.

Being plonked in front of the TV for one night with a bowl of pasta won't hurt your kids, but if you will be too stressed out worrying to enjoy your night off you are better off rescheduling.
People have very different parenting styles, it sounds like you and this couple have different views on what constitutes babysitting. But your kids may well enjoy the different vibe for a night.

@Catapultme yep I completely agree with you, and I’m leaning towards just scrapping what I would do and just leaving them to it and enjoying my night off (I know deep down they’ll be fine)

This friend has let me down on a fair few occasions... I think it might be my annoyance that it feels like she’s flaking (in a way) again that’s making me feel all this rather than a really concern about this DC..

There is such a mix of views on this thread! So interesting to read.

I'm almost certain your kids will enjoy it and have a great time.
However the issue is one of friendship. You were looking forward to a relaxed childfree night and shes put a downer on that and caused you some worry. Not nice of her.
I wonder what her replies would be if shed posted "I've agreed to babysit so my friend can have a rare break, aibu to host a boozy dinner party on the same night?".

It wouldn't bother me but I'd check if she really wanted to change the date now.

To be fair I’d also be the same as the op but for different reasons, if they are big drinkers and this is a boozey night then the kids will be a hindrance and it could be a late noisey one. As said, I think she’s ducked up the dates, I’d offer to switch weekends.

I always understood evening / night time baby sitting to be something that usually takes place in the child’s house not the babysitters house, so that the child can go to bed. I used to do it a lot when I was younger, my role involved spending a bit of time with them and then putting them to bed.

She doesn’t have to offer two nights of free sitting a year but seeing as she has, I think she could have organised her dinner party on another night, it seems to have been organised after the sitting was agreed. I think it is a bit odd to send a 6 and 8 year old around to a strange house for an evening to either watch TV or try to sleep in an unfamiliar bedroom whilst numerous adults drink at a dinner party.

I would find another, properly paid, babysitter to come to your house to sit. I think the friend has changed her mind and wants you to cancel on her.

YANBU at all. I'd cancel and not ask her again.

They have teens so have presumably managed to look after children while having people for dinner.

‘When will the kids eat’ : for heaven’s sake surely your friends will manage that easy process.

There are 2 kids, company for each other, they feel at home in your friend’s house, won’t be homesick.

Go away and enjoy yourselves!

I don’t think it’s too much to expect a friend, who offered to have my kids, to look after them while they are there. I’d love to meet these 6 and 8 year olds who are happy to spend the evening in front of the tv with pizza while there’s a house full of adults having a nice time in another room. I know my 9 year old needs more interaction than that, I wouldn’t expect my kids to be entertained the whole time but I would expect the adults caring for them to be interested and available to them and to spend some time with them. I also think it’s a bit ambitious expecting an 8 year old to be in bed by 7.30 when there’s a party going on downstairs. Tbh I’d feel like my kids were an inconvenience to them.

I can’t think of a friend who would host a dinner party while minding someone else’s children and I certainly wouldn’t.

I wouldn't be happy about it. You don't know the other adults so you're trusting your friend's judgement on the other adults, how they will interact with the DCs ... and all whilst hosting a dinner party and drinking alcohol. It makes your friend seem irresponsible.

If they were having a swingers party I would be concerned but a dinner party is OK by me, if I trust them with my child I trust them with who they invite.

If you are that bothered don't use their service