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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If you are babysitting, you shouldn't host a dinner party?

365 replies

MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 07:53

Good friend said they would babysit 2x weekends a year if we ever wanted to go out after me saying how we never got to do anything as no one to have kids (I wasn't trying to hint, just stating fact!) I thought that was kind, and asked if she might have the kids overnight for our anniversary which is two months away, she said yes no problem. I brought it up again a couple of weeks later asking, is Xdate still fine, yes of course, looking forward to it. On a phone call this week, she said what date did you want me to have them? I said Xdate, she said oh thats fine, it's just we have Dave and Kate, Nigel and Eva coming over for a dinner party, we can still have the kids though. Dinner party was arranged after her agreeing to have children. I said that's fine, but the more I think about it, I am not so sure about this. Won't they be stressed with doing the food for the dinner party so won't be able to focus on kids ? When will the kids eat? Will they just be plonked in front of the tv all night? And there will be lots of drinking I am sure so is this even a good idea anyway? I sort of want my children to have someone's full attention when they are looking after them, but AIBU? and would you still leave the kids with them or take them with you (not ideal)

OP posts:
starfishmummy · 03/09/2020 08:47

I exlect that entertaining the kids will be delegated to the teens anyway.

Original poster
MoggyMittens23 · 03/09/2020 08:48

@BoomBoomsCousin

They know them well, my kids won’t be homesick or anything they are very easy children. It’s more that I had a different evening planned on my head, they had said they were looking forward to it and I made sure I asked well in advance so just thought they would have a little movie or game night with them like we used to with theirs. I would never have people round for a dinner party if I was looking after somebody else kids but that’s just me.

I’m not sure if the teenagers will be there as they do every other weekend With other parent.

OP posts:
daisypond · 03/09/2020 08:49

A babysitter normally comes to your house. I thought you meant your friend was planning on hosting the dinner party at yours.

CaptainMyCaptain · 03/09/2020 08:52

I thought you were going to say they had a dinner party in your house! In their own house, if they think they can cope with it that's fine.

MarthasGinYard · 03/09/2020 08:52

6 and 8 they will be fine surely?

I thought you meant they were babies

Surely you know her well enough to know they will be well looked after?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/09/2020 08:53

I wouldn't be happy about that.

If I was having a dinner party for my friends, at least I'd know them all and be relatively sure my kids would be safe. I'd also make sure that one or other of us was able to drive in an emergency.

Would your friend do this? Dinner parties I've been to tend to be rather alcoholic and rowdy affairs (granted, not been to many since having DC!) and very little attention would be paid to the needs of small children in such cases.

No, I don't think I'd do this. I would either find someone else to take them, or take them with, or cancel the night away and do it another time. I think it was pretty rude of your friend to have offered, booked the date in and then decided that was the perfect night to hold a dinner party too.

RoseTintedAtuin · 03/09/2020 08:54

I think it is an unreasonable expectation that when babysitting the rest of life goes on hold. I’m sure they’ll include your kids in the day as much as they are able and at them end of the day if you believe they will be safe and cared for which enables you to go out, I’m not sure what the problem is.

HazelWong · 03/09/2020 08:54

I think the biggest issue seems to be your anxiety. It isn’t a good thing never to have time away from your children.

I agree. I mean this kindly as I also sometimes get anxious about my kids (different types of things) but regardless of this particular issue, it feels like you are just generally very anxious about time away from your kids and might have found something else to worry about if not this.

Tomatoesneedtoripen · 03/09/2020 08:55

it all sounds a bit 1970s,

i would offer to change the date, i assume they got their dates mixed up

Thecobwebsarewinning · 03/09/2020 08:56

It will be absolutely fine. With or without a dinner party I am sure the teenagers will do the bulk of the childcare. When my kids were teenagers they completely monopolised any young visitors to the house. A friends 7 yo came to stay once and I barely saw him. He was constantly crafting/playing/watching tv/singing/baking etc with my D.C. He is 13 now and talks about that week as the best holiday he ever had which is pretty impressive as his parents own a ski chalet!

SueEllenMishke · 03/09/2020 08:57

You either trust them or you don't.....it's really that simple

Sophoa · 03/09/2020 09:01

Totally fine. Won’t they be in bed anyway when the guests come. I can’t see any problem whatsoever

Nonotthisagain · 03/09/2020 09:02

I would not be happy about this! Their babysitting was a prior commitment such it sounds like they'd forgotten about and are hoping that you will cancel. You'd confirmed the date a number of times. I think it's really shoddy of them and they should be rearranging their dinner party. Your children will get no attention. If one of them is a bit upset at night or something the adults probably won't hear and your kids might be too nervous of all the strangers to come down.

JemimaTiggywinkle · 03/09/2020 09:03

I don’t think you’re being anxious or unreasonable at all... I would never leave my children in a house with 4 “heavy drinking” adults I don’t know, even if they are with an adult they do know, or possibly with a teenager.

Would it be possible to ask/suggest that one of the teenagers could come to your house instead to babysit? (If they are old enough to be responsible)

FindingNeverland1 · 03/09/2020 09:03

Personally I would cancel.

It's a shame to miss your night away but this situation doesn't seem right.
Two kids are staying with them as a one off and they are hosting another four adults on top of that (who you may not know). What if the kids become unsettled or need some assistance and they are busy / pissed.
I would not have liked to be put in this situation as a child, didn't like sleepovers at the best of times!

Aridane · 03/09/2020 09:04

It’s fine - she’s having x2 couples over for dinner (IIRCj.

Off topic - does the expression ‘dinner party’ still exist? I last heard it in the 1970s / 1980s.

But if you’re not comfortable, you’re not comfortable. Just then source another babysitter

mindutopia · 03/09/2020 09:05

I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my dc even at that age with friends who had invited several random people over who I didn't know, who would be drinking. I wouldn't feel comfortable with random strangers in my own home who I'd never met coming over for a drink in the evening with my dc home. This just comes from personal experience of the bad things that can happen in situations like that. I would say thank you for offering, but it doesn't seem like the best day for you, could we re-schedule for another day when you're free?

mindutopia · 03/09/2020 09:06

I say this as someone who likes a drink and dh and I drink regularly with our dc home and host dinner parties with our friends. It's not the drinking, per se, it's the unsupervised contact with strangers you don't know in a fairly private setting (which will involve those strangers drinking a lot, on top).

Sophoa · 03/09/2020 09:08

just thought they would have a little movie or game night with them like we used to with theirs. I would never have people round for a dinner party if I was looking after somebody else kids but that’s just me.

At 6 & 8 I would expect them to spend time with them during the day, take them out, set them up with some activities whilst I was cooking, give them some pizza / pasta for dinner at about 6 and get them off to bed by 7.30 / 8 and have my evening with friends. I would also assume that even if my friends were drinkers they would make sure they didn’t get too drunk and that they would see the kids again in the morning

Blondeshavemorefun · 03/09/2020 09:09

they will be fine and i assume in bed by 730 ish

GoldenNCurly · 03/09/2020 09:10

Personally I wouldn't mind this, I doubt the adults will be consuming copious amount of alcohol with young children around. Will the children be involved in the dinner party? If so that might be fun and they may enjoy socialising

BestOption · 03/09/2020 09:13

As you said 'babysitting' I assumed this was at your house and I thought that was really cheeky!!

I wouldn't think of it as 'babysitting' to have your kids at my house. Having the kids over to stay IS the 'Event' and I'd be planning on doing things the kids would enjoy.

Totally different if I already had people coming over & you needed me to have them that night for a last minute thing, I'd definitely still have them, but they'd need to fit in with my existing plans a bit more (if I couldn't just rearrange my plans).

Your friend is being a bit weird IMO.

It's up to you to decide what you want to do though. If I had tickets for an event or a wedding or something I'd just leave it & accept the kids are being 'minded' but if it was just dinner/night out with DH. I'd say to my friend that I thought the kids might be a bit too demanding as they thought they were coming over to watch a movie/play games & have a sleep over so could we arrange for another night if/when they fancied doing that.

Since Covid I've really missed having my friends kids coming to stay (I don't have any).

Potterpotterpotter · 03/09/2020 09:15

I think your being unreasonable expecting them to sit down with your kids and do a games night etc.

CheetasOnFajitas · 03/09/2020 09:17

You said one concern is that they won’t be able to spend time with your kids earlier in the day (you mentioned park or something similar). How do you know your friend will be busy cooking all day? Maybe her partner is doing it, maybe she has plans to make something slow-cooked that doesn’t need much attention, maybe it’s pot luck and the others are bringing a course each.

Kids can help with a bit of prep anyway, I used to love making melon balls and cheese and pineapple hedgehogs (1980s childhood!).

What time were you planning to drop them?

CheetasOnFajitas · 03/09/2020 09:18

And you’re being a bit silly fretting about “when will my children eat?”. If you don’t trust your friend to feed them you should not be leaving your kids with her full stop.