NC for this.
Truly expect to get flamed for some of this but I’m just quite upset and have nowhere to turn but here.
I had to ask my parents for money yesterday. £150, with the intent of paying it back on Saturday. I very, very rarely have asked my parents for money. I’m 26 and moved out at 18. Have lived independently and always supported myself. Have also worked since the age of 14 (starting as a waitress on the weekends).
I have been struggling financially for the past few months since having a baby. He’s 21 weeks old and I went back to WFH six weeks postpartum. I had saved up at the start of my pregnancy to pay the rent for four months while on maternity leave because was only able to get £140 a week. Due to getting ill during my pregnancy, I had to start using it from 28 weeks.
I didn’t have savings because I was in a financially abusive relationship before meeting my DP and lost them all.
I’m self-employed but have regular clients, but invoicing can take some time. I haven’t been paid since July. I have a long-term illness that prevents me from working outside of the house and am high risk.
I am currently looking after my baby in the day and then working from 4pm to around 12am-1am every day. I am due £6,000 next month. I’ve literally been working as much as possible.
I am also suffering badly with PND. Am in therapy, CBT and under the perinatal team as well as being on medication.
Anyway, I had to borrow the money because my cat became unwell and I had to get emergency treatment. I have pet insurance so can claim it back.
I didn’t have enough in my account and called my mum. I was nervous to do this because as I said I do not like borrowing money.
She said okay as long as I pay it back on Saturday so I said that was fine. She then said I ‘really need to sort myself out’ and when I said that I was working as much as I could to do so she said ‘You’re not even trying’. It really hurt because I am the main earner and I am trying my absolute hardest to make as much money as possible.
Today she called me and went mental. She told me that she hadn’t asked my dad whether it was okay to lend the money and that now he won’t talk to her and it’s my fault. That she knew my mental health was bad which is why she felt she had to lend the money but she feels she shouldn’t have and that I blackmailed her. When I explained that I hadn’t mentioned my mental health when asking, so I don’t feel I blackmailed her, she said well ‘you’re always going on about your mental health’ and ‘My friend was there when you called and asked for the money and she was absolutely disgusted by it’. She then went on to say asking to borrow money is not putting my DS first and I’m not even trying to do anything about my financial situation. I said I am working every night and she said well that doesn’t help right this moment, does it? She then went on to say she was sick of me talking about my mental health and that I blamed everything on my mental health. When I asked her what exactly, she just said ‘your whole life’.
She then said she’s done talking to me and hung up.
I do talk to her about my mental health but only when she can see I’m feeling low and asks. She told me if I do need to talk to anyone about it only talk to her because if I tell my health visitor/perinatal team when it gets bad they might take DS off me.
She also said she now can’t pay her £5,000 tax bill because of me.
I then got texts afterwards asking what would happen about her seeing DS now, as if she doesn’t want anything to do with me?
Fair enough I shouldn’t have asked for the money. I was due payment yesterday but it never came. I have chased and added a late fee. But I can pay her back on Saturday as I stated when asking to borrow.
She now won’t speak to me and I feel like I’m failing even more. I have apologised but it hasn’t changed anything.
I know, I’m pitying myself right now and probably haven’t made a lot of sense. I’m writing this while taking it all in so heads a bit all over the place. Sorry