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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moved home and hate it - want to move back!

220 replies

Jogalog · 02/09/2020 14:28

3 months ago I moved home with my husband and 2 children. I pushed for the move - wanted a bigger house in a ‘nicer’ village. Husband went along with it to keep me happy but really wanted to stay where we were. Move was delayed due to lockdown and I found it very stressful wondering if the chai would collapse - but I was so relieved that it didn’t! And so we moved....first day in the house I thought we’d made a massive mistake. Removal men were still unpacking and I went to the bottom of the garden and cried my eyes out. And I’ve done that every day since. Realise I really really miss my old house, village and neighbours- and I guess the feeling of security and familiarisation. And the max thing is we’ve only moved 3 miles! Spoken to loads of people and they say give it time - but I just want to move back NOW! Even if I lose some money on the house. The thought of staying here for even a year fills me with absolute dread and sadness. Anyone else gone through this and either stuck it out or moved back?

OP posts:
Anonincase · 10/09/2020 03:39

oops that was meant for @Jogalog not sure why it tagged the wrong person!

BiblioX · 10/09/2020 05:57

We moved 600 miles and a year later moved back. Lost a significant amount of money but were so much happier.
When I was a child my parents moved us 5 miles, to a huge house, but I never made proper friends in the village, really didn’t like the school and just didn’t fit in, in my head. The last two years of primary I cycled back to my old school every day. Even middle of winter. Some places just aren’t right for us and life is too short not to try to deal with that.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 10/09/2020 06:03

Wow, you do know you're going to be moving to another different house? What if you don't like that one?

And I'm not surprised your family haven't settled, with you moping all over the shop! Having just moved a few months ago myself there is no sodding way I'd be wanting to do it again so soon. If you were my partner I'd be telling you to get a grip.

Porridgeoat · 10/09/2020 06:08

Give it 2 years.

Friendsoftheearth · 10/09/2020 06:14

I would give it three months, not two years.

I am going to go against the grain and say I think given what you have said and how you have described your new area (once I got over the fact it was only 3 miles away and not 300 miles away!) I am not sure you can come back from that. The fact you can't even decorate the house because you don't want to invest time or money does not bode well - at all.

You are a home person. Move back when the opportunity presents itself and stop worrying, it happens to many more people than you would think!

Porridgeoat · 10/09/2020 06:25

Personally I’d wait till next summer at least and get the house done up so there’s little loss financially. This will give you a chance to get to know more neighbours, settle, make community links and make the house your own.

The fact is you’re only three miles and you can spend a lot of time in your own village quite easily and your old neighbours can spend a lot of time visiting you quite easily. When I moved last I did this for a year while I settled. Although the locations were two hours apart

hexmeginny · 10/09/2020 06:27

This is ridiculous. Self absorbed doesn't even come close! Wow. Your poor family.

madcatladyforever · 10/09/2020 06:30

Dont you always feel like that when you move house? I know I do.

Mostlylurkingiam · 10/09/2020 06:41

THREE miles?! Come on, you can't actually be serious? Get a grip.

Nacreous · 10/09/2020 06:46

When I first moved into my first house I cried and cried. It was in a worse state than I imagined. I ended up going back and staying with my parents for a couple of weeks because I had professional exams coming up and just couldn't face it. I was terrified I had made a huge mistake.

Me and dad fitted a new kitchen on a shoestring, mum and I cleaned it to within an inch of its life. I cleared the garden. It was at this point it started feeling like a home not a house. Since then I've put new plants in, got a patio built. Bought INCREDIBLY BRIGHT LED bulbs so that the house doesn't feel dark, repainted various rooms etc. Now I love it.

I hope moving sorts what you want but I'd be wary because when you feel overwhelmed like that I'm not sure it's usually the material things that fix it.

MrsSnowWoman · 10/09/2020 07:31

Bloody hell. The toxicity on this thread is ridiculous.

Jumped up assholes hiding behind their keyboards having a go at someone who came onto Mumsnet for advice, to vent, to talk about worries and mental health.

This country is seriously frayed at the moment.

Sad
Pobblebonk · 10/09/2020 07:45

But also feel completely overwhelmed and want to rectify things so I can start being a good wife and mother again

You really are perfectly capable of being a good wife and mother again without taking the extreme step of selling up and moving back. And you need to try, because it could take months if not years to sell your house. Prospective buyers are going to be really put off by the fact that you're moving so quickly and are going to assume there must be something seriously wrong with the house.

LakieLady · 10/09/2020 08:08

Moving is so stressful (the most stressful thing after bereavement and relationship breakdown, according to a study done some years ago) and when you're stressed it's easy to pin it all on one thing until you get things way out of proportion.

As your move was so local, there must have been things about the old house that weren't ideal, or you wouldn't have bothered moving. Try and focus on the things that led you to make this move, that the new house will overcome.

The new house must have some positives - concentrate on those.

Then pick out the easiest thing of the things that are pissing you off, and fix it. Bedroom like a tomb? Buy some light coloured paint and new cheap and cheerful curtains from somewhere like Dunelm and brighten it up. Buy a big mirror. Change the lighting.

Even small changes can make big improvements. And you'll soon get used to the parking!

yelyah22 · 10/09/2020 09:07

I can't believe you're actually going to sell the house again. You're not going to be moving back to your old house, are you? So it's just another different house, another change you'll struggle to adjust to. The house isn't the problem, your mindset is - and that's not necessarily your fault, but cheerily saying 'nobody's settled' (when OBVIOUSLY nobody has because you're Miss Havishaming around the house) as though it justifies the cost and upheaval when you actually just need time and therapy is insanely selfish.

NotMeNoNo · 10/09/2020 11:09

It's tricky to remarket a house after a very short time, a family member had this when they were forced into accepting a part exchange and wanted out asap. Sometimes it's hard to get mortgages. But hopefully your EA/solicitor will advise on this.

TDogsInHats · 10/09/2020 14:59

When I moved to my current house (from the miserable house, see my previous post) I felt immediately at home and so glad.
We've always been very lucky with our neighbours wherever we've lived, touch wood, so it was purely my sadness at the other house that needed sorting out.
Good luck with everything OP.
Flowers

Cheeseandwin5 · 11/09/2020 14:14

@Jogalog

My family want to move as well. No one has settled

Yes I am sure they have all be moping and crying around the house- shame you never mentioned it before.
I have little doubt that your family are doing this because of your manipulations , in the same way you bulldozed them to move in the first place.
The cost- financially , mentally and emotionally must have been great for your family, still as long as you get what you want eh...

Cheeseandwin5 · 11/09/2020 14:19

@MrsSnowWoman

Jumped up assholes hiding behind their keyboards having a go at someone who came onto Mumsnet for advice, to vent, to talk about worries and mental health.

Surely the ppl who have suffered most are the DH and DC. The OP doesn't seem to have a thought for them and their needs at all.
I cant imagine crying in front my kids to guilt them to do what I want.

I just read this as a very controlling and bullying person forcing the other members of the family to do what she wants.

becks383 · 08/12/2020 20:07

@Jogalog

Have you managed to sell the house? And find a new one in old location?

gingganggooleywotsit · 08/12/2020 20:11

Sorry op but you sound a little bit of a diva! It was your idea to move to the house and think you will just have to get over it and give the new house time! It’s not fair on your family to move them again so soon.

Catlover78 · 08/05/2021 22:00

I totally sympathise. We moved 4 years ago and only 1.5 miles away. I’ve never bonded with the house. The road is a rat-run and we can hear an even busier road from our garden. I have tried decorating, gardening , putting our stamp on it, I even went to hypnosis to try to block out the road noise. Dh doesn’t want to move, so this is driving a wedge between us. I feel as though I’m serving a sentence here and counting down the years until we can move. Then I resent wishing my life away! I wish I could be happy here and feel more grateful , but can’t wait until the day I can finally move. In the meantime it’s making me very miserable .

Catlover78 · 08/05/2021 22:05

Good for you! I’m very jealous. Life is too short - wish I were moving too! X

Nsky · 08/05/2021 22:13

I think you should have looked more carefully at your house before moving

PomRuns · 08/05/2021 22:19

@Jogalog We moved to a village for school catchment. I hated the house for about a year, it's old, needing lots of improvements (still some to do), but now I love it here and. wouldn't move back to the old house.
I honestly thought I was going mad, I felt so low in mood and tearful but stick with it for a bit longer, you might grow to really like the new house.

Nsky · 08/05/2021 22:26

I’ve loved being in this house 20 years, always felt like home.
Took me till 4 years ago, to get it how I wanted, due to money, now it’s lovely